Paying for an Engagement Ring

#16
Because the question of diamonds touches on so many topics, and some of those topics touch, in turn, on some basic personal value issues, I think it is very good that the two of you are talking this over.

I would strongly recommend that you continue that dialogue, and just as you will wish to communicate to him that you want a diamond ring, I think it is also good to get him to talk more about his views.

You would not want to start your marriage by doing something that was against your own principles simply because he wanted a particular material possession, and even if you did, it is very likely that having done it could continue to be an issue in your own thoughts, and once all the wedding excitement had died down, that material possession that you had compromised your values to obtain for him would be always in view, always reminding you of the reasons you would have preferred to present him with a different gift, and it could become an extremely unplesant thing for you, and make it a struggle not to resent him having insisted, as if your values were insignificant next to his desire to have a particular jewelry item.

You might not want to subject him to that kind of inner conflict and conscience-gnawing, and I doubt he would want that for you, either.

These are exactly the kinds of things that need to be talked out, frankly and openly and completely, BEFORE any decisions about engagement jewelry are made!

On one of the Red Carpet reports, there was one celebrity, forget which, who wore a diamond necklace - no issues with this one, she said - it's from the 1820s. Now whether that would be accurate or not from a historical perspective, it's the kind of thing the two of you could investigate together to see what kind of compromise could be worked out!
 
#17
I can see what a difficult situation you're in. I make significantly more than my guy (although he will probably pass me up soon) and most of the people I know have rather large engagement rings. So, it was a difficult decision to not contribute to my ring, but after much thought I decided that quality not quantity really mattered to me and I did want it to come from him. We ended up with a perfectly cut 1.13 carat with a beautiful designer setting. I love it and don't regret a thing. My diamond may be smaller, but it sparkles like crazy and looks so much prettier than most of the ladies 2 plus carats. They sacrificed some quality when they went that big. Also, he loves the ring as much as I do, and brags all the time about what a great job he did with my ring. LOL
 
#19
I guess I'm not very traditional. . . I paid for my setting-Tacori and he will pay for the center stone. I'm 23 and he's 26. I make much more than him currently but he will make a lot more than me in a couple of years.

He will get me the center stone before the wedding which we won't be planning for another ~1-2 years.

He wanted me to have a ring I liked and therefore let me pick it. I don't know if this is vain but who wants to wear an ugly ring? Some guys just have no taste when it comes to this type of stuff.

To each her own!
 
#20
^ There's nothing wrong with wanting a ring that you like! My thought was, "I'm going to be wearing this for the rest of my life, so I want to help pick it (the setting)!". The center stone, on the other hand, is much more sentimental to me and I wanted nothing to do with selecting it (although I did say I wanted a round). I knew that he would not choose an 'ugly' one, partially because his mom knows jewelry and also because we educated ourselves on diamonds together (by going online, asking friends who have been engaged, and by talking with jewelers).
 
#21
I agree with both of you on the settings. I mean who wants to wear an ugly ring for the rest of your days? Oh, and one thought on Tacori....:love: :love: :love: beautiful. So, back to the OP. Let us know what you decide. I wouldn't worry about what other people think. Who really needs to know? Just do whatever feels right for you and your hubby to be.
 
#22
I think it depends on your guy...i would think many guys would feel a bit shamed if they had to share the cost of a ring....also in theory its not about the ring but who it came from that matters....in theory :P
 
#23
Thanks again for all your feed back. I think for now, I'm going to "play it cool" and when he brings it up again, take the opprotunity to communicate what kind of ring I would feel good wearing, and take it from there. Who knows... he's surprised me in the past with amazing jewelry that I didn't even know he had noticed me eyeing, so he may do it again :smile:
 
#24
My fiancee and I are splitting the cost of my ring. He recently tried to start his own business, without much success, and has some debt to pay off. I would rather he put the extra money toward his debt than on buying me a big ring, but I also have in mind a very specific idea of what I want for a ring. Don't get me wrong, I would marry him if he gave me a rubber band ring, but I still want a ring that is a reflection of who I am. Maybe that person that I am a little superficial, but he loves me just the same. I think it is important to talk to your prospective fiancee and see what will work out for the two of you. Some people are traditional and would never dream of chipping in for their own ring, but I am not one of those people. Each person needs to decide that for themself.
 
#25
It seems that there is alot of talk about the size of the diamond in the ring. Isn't the idea that the ring represents a promise and bond between future husband and wife? Does it matter at the moment what the ring is but that the commitment is true and valuable?

Personally, my parents were flat broke when they married. My father bought my mother a small diamond which my Mom wore proudly. A few years later, my Dad upgraded my Mom's ring to a beautiful 3 carat stunner that still makes me go WOWZERS when I look at it. However, my Mom still wears the other ring on a necklace and loves it.

I just think that if its important that your future hubby buys you a ring, then don't let the size or style interfere with the message. Cause as you said, you have a lifetime with this man -- the ring will probably get replaced but your love will grow stronger.
 
#26
Clake76 said:
It seems that there is alot of talk about the size of the diamond in the ring. Isn't the idea that the ring represents a promise and bond between future husband and wife? Does it matter at the moment what the ring is but that the commitment is true and valuable?

Personally, my parents were flat broke when they married. My father bought my mother a small diamond which my Mom wore proudly. A few years later, my Dad upgraded my Mom's ring to a beautiful 3 carat stunner that still makes me go WOWZERS when I look at it. However, my Mom still wears the other ring on a necklace and loves it.

I just think that if its important that your future hubby buys you a ring, then don't let the size or style interfere with the message. Cause as you said, you have a lifetime with this man -- the ring will probably get replaced but your love will grow stronger.
Click to expand...

Well said!
 
#28
If he's concerned with ethics, you might want to investigate a jeweler like GreenKarat--they use old stones (recycling=good!) and old gold and make NEW stuff! It's pretty cool! I'm sure there are places like that about, you and your hunny can look at those places as ethical options!

And let him know that the ring is actually important to you and you would like a certain stone. There is nothing wrong with that. But, by looking into alternatives, you can show a willingness to compromise with some of his concerns too! Which is good!...since you'll both be doing LOTS of that in the future!

Good luck!
 
#29
I think the male should pay for the engagement ring regardless of the size. I'm sure money isn't the reason that you fell in love to begin with. If the male is in a financial position to buy a ring that is more rare then that's great. It's the gesture that out of the millions of women out there he chose to spend the rest of his life with you. Can you really put a price on that? As a man I would feel weird if my g/f paid or helped to pay for her own ring. If the woman makes more money the man should still pay for the ring. The wife can then pay for the house and everything else lol!!!!!
 
#30
My BF and I are going through a similar situation...we have been together for nearly 7.5 years (since HS) and we finally graduated from college this past June. We are still VERY new into our careers but are making a good amount of money in just 6 months of working. He has paid off nearly all his college CC debt, and once that's squared away he will start to save for the ring :tender: We hope to get married by the end of next year!

Of course, I have a ring of my dreams, but he is the MAN of my dreams, and I would rather wear a small ring and be his wife than wait it out for a larger stone!!!!!
 
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