New Guy here with a Christmas dilemma
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I had a guy I was not involved with romantically buy me an expensive bag, it was not Coach but in the same price range. It made me feel uncomfortable especially since all I got him was a $15 T-shirt 
I ended up giving it back to him which made it even more uncomfortable. I would probably buy her something less expensive and relationship neutral until you progress to that level. And whether it is her or some other girl they will be VERY lucky that you put so much thought into it. Most men would never come to a forum like this to run it by us so that is exceptional thoughfulness on your part.
I ended up giving it back to him which made it even more uncomfortable. I would probably buy her something less expensive and relationship neutral until you progress to that level. And whether it is her or some other girl they will be VERY lucky that you put so much thought into it. Most men would never come to a forum like this to run it by us so that is exceptional thoughfulness on your part.
Even though you did not give details, I don't know if it is the woman in me, or the nurse in me (us nurses hear lots of problems from people....said and unsaid), but you post speaks volumes to me. I can tell by the other posters that it speaks volumes to them as well.
You want something in your life. This woman has given you scraps of it, and you want to lock on and try to make it everything you fully want. One of those things you want ultimately, is to give a woman you are deeply in love with an unexpected expensive gift. You may not be connecting the two right now but in your sub thoughts, you may be thinking that you can stimulate the desired relationship by doing things in reverse and giving the gift first. You may not want to admit that, especially to yourself, but it is written all over your post.
Give her a card and a fruitcake (giggles), and give the bag to charity.
My sweet poster......your true love will come, she isn't it, and she is making it clear to you. When that true love does come, there will be no question in your mind if it is right to give your special person a thoughtful generous gift. You will have no doubts,
You want something in your life. This woman has given you scraps of it, and you want to lock on and try to make it everything you fully want. One of those things you want ultimately, is to give a woman you are deeply in love with an unexpected expensive gift. You may not be connecting the two right now but in your sub thoughts, you may be thinking that you can stimulate the desired relationship by doing things in reverse and giving the gift first. You may not want to admit that, especially to yourself, but it is written all over your post.
Give her a card and a fruitcake (giggles), and give the bag to charity.
My sweet poster......your true love will come, she isn't it, and she is making it clear to you. When that true love does come, there will be no question in your mind if it is right to give your special person a thoughtful generous gift. You will have no doubts,
I'm not trying to sound harsh or mean but I think everyone else is kind of sugar coating it. I'm curious about the actual status of your relationship. Did the two of you even actually date? Did you pursue her and she merely sees you as a "friend"? Have you even been intimate with her? Was this a one night stand type of situation and you want more? Because, honestly, to me you kind of sound like a creeper, you know a woman for a couple of months and you say that you loved her but it sounds like she didn't return the affection, then you go out and buy her an expensive Christmas gift that I think is very personal gift, you don't really buy a woman a handbag you don't know very well. A handbag, to me seems even more personal then jewelry. There is a saying that women decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone if they would want to be with them, and its true, and a lavish or expensive gift doesn't change that, unless of course they are shallow or in it for money and why would you want that anyway? If someone gave me a gift like that, that I wasn't interested in and I had only known a couple of months I would be way weirded out...
Hello everyone, I am new here. I've joined mostly because I have bought a special person in my life some Coach items for Christmas. I didn't know where else to ask. This seemed like a good place to do so. I can't really chat about this to my guy friends, they'll think I'm going soft.
I've been conflicted about giving it to her. Because she kinda broke my heart. It's a long story as to how it came to be, but she made me feel things I've never felt in my 27-years of being on this earth. Those cliche things that you hear happen when you love someone. Butterflies in your stomach, birds singing, you know all that sweet stuff. She likes me too, not sure if it was love, but she definitely enjoyed the way I treated her. But, things got so complicated.
I want to give her these items, because I've always wanted to give a gift of Coach or similar tote/handbag to someone who I think absolutely deserves it. (that's not my mom) I want her to have it, but some female friends I've chatted with, say it's just too much, especially since she isn't my GF or wife. I've only known her for a few months. She isn't the type that asks for things. And I'm kind of a generous person. It's more of a 'thank you' for everything that you made me feel, mostly good, but also bad. I always planned on giving my first true love a special gift, even if it didn't work out so great.
I bought her the medium Hamptons Tote in Khaki/brown stripe, the wristlet with the same design/color and the matching mini-skinny wallet. I would of gotten her some pumps too, but I have no clue what her shoe size is. Once I get into the holiday spirit I cannot stop myself. I had so much fun buying her these things and putting them together. It doesn't hurt me financially, but I have to ask, is this something appropriate to give to her? I do not want her to give me anything, at most I've been wanting this nice little piggy bank I saw or a nice knit winter hat. I'm not one to ask for anything fancy.
Also, I had never stepped into a Coach store in my life (85th & Madison). It's definitely a nice place to shop.
This is what I got her; I took the tote out of the box. I plan on trying to make my own special presentation.
So that's my mini-story, I hope I didn't bore anyone with my wall of text. And wow, this forum has lots of smilies!
I think your gesture is very sweet too, but I have to agree on all the opinions here - just give one of the smaller gifts.
I did receive so called 'too many in one go' gifts, and in the end I did not use any of them and end up giving them away. Eventhough one of the givers did eventually became a boyfriend, at the time he gave them we were not a couple, and I thought it was too much. I did not use any of the gifts until we were actually together (I didn't give his away).
I hope I am not offending or hurting your feelings with my opinion. I don't know what your situation is with her, I am sure you know better. Just giving a very general opinion.
My advice - one small item is much sweeter than several big ones. If she does have feelings for you too, she might use it everyday and it would be her little secret item that reminds her of you. If not, you do not want to add a chore for her to declutter from all the gifts. Maybe you can get her the bag once you are officially together. Good luck!
Thanks to everyone for their responses. I've read your posts and I truly appreciate the advice.
From what I've read and processed, maybe it will be best to just give her the wristlet. That's what I got her at first. I think it's not something too extravagant, but it's still nice to have. These items were purchased and put together from the bottom of my heart.
Like I said before, I do not expect anything in return, emotionally or in any form of a gift. What we shared wasn't intimacy or things of that nature. It was...how can I say, what I think is the simplest form of companionship. Kinda like 'let's just walk and see where it takes us' She told me that she felt the attraction and should of mentioned her long-distance relationship. And the way I found out wasn't the correct way. It's very complicated.
We've chatted after everything fell apart, how she still thinks of me and how she messed up so badly. She'd always say thanks for the date and how much of a respectful gentleman I was with her. That she would always feel safe with me. As hard as it is for anyone to believe, being intimate was probably the last thing on my mind. I thought if it ever got to that point, that it was going to be what it really means, to make love.
It's a tough situation for me, but I think I'll be able to see her sometime later this week. Definitely before Christmas. Whatever happens I'll be sure to give an update, good or bad. Because I would at least owe it to you guys after taking time to read and respond to my post.
Once again, thank you.
From what I've read and processed, maybe it will be best to just give her the wristlet. That's what I got her at first. I think it's not something too extravagant, but it's still nice to have. These items were purchased and put together from the bottom of my heart.
Like I said before, I do not expect anything in return, emotionally or in any form of a gift. What we shared wasn't intimacy or things of that nature. It was...how can I say, what I think is the simplest form of companionship. Kinda like 'let's just walk and see where it takes us' She told me that she felt the attraction and should of mentioned her long-distance relationship. And the way I found out wasn't the correct way. It's very complicated.
We've chatted after everything fell apart, how she still thinks of me and how she messed up so badly. She'd always say thanks for the date and how much of a respectful gentleman I was with her. That she would always feel safe with me. As hard as it is for anyone to believe, being intimate was probably the last thing on my mind. I thought if it ever got to that point, that it was going to be what it really means, to make love.
It's a tough situation for me, but I think I'll be able to see her sometime later this week. Definitely before Christmas. Whatever happens I'll be sure to give an update, good or bad. Because I would at least owe it to you guys after taking time to read and respond to my post.
Once again, thank you.
Oh wow no way! Especially if say she cheated on u! I would say that if she's still around by NEXT Christmas or if her bday is in like 6 months or so u could go for the bigger bag. But not now. Stick with a gift under $50. I have personally known some girls that stick with a guy until just after the holidays to get a gift then dump them soon after. Also some girls get turned off by a guy that's TOO nice. Strange but yea some gals like the bad boys who play hard to get. Same with guys of course.
OP, I feel your pain. I know from personal experience that it's no fun being in a relationship by yourself, but I really think that's what you're doing. And that never ends well.
You may say that this gift doesn't have strings attached, but that isn't the message that it sends. This is an extremely personal gift to give to a lady who is obviously not interested in your romantically, and much too lavish for the nature of her relationship to you. And honestly, I would hope that she wouldn't accept it anyway. I know I wouldn't.
My advice to you is to buy her a nice Christmas card, return all the Coach items, and either spend the money on something nice for yourself or save it to spend on your real girlfriend when she comes into your life. And move on from this before you hurt yourself any more than you already have.
You may say that this gift doesn't have strings attached, but that isn't the message that it sends. This is an extremely personal gift to give to a lady who is obviously not interested in your romantically, and much too lavish for the nature of her relationship to you. And honestly, I would hope that she wouldn't accept it anyway. I know I wouldn't.
My advice to you is to buy her a nice Christmas card, return all the Coach items, and either spend the money on something nice for yourself or save it to spend on your real girlfriend when she comes into your life. And move on from this before you hurt yourself any more than you already have.
OP, after your update, it's clear she's already involved with someone else, and she didn't tell you right away. It sounds like she's giving you false hope, which is so not ok. I don't think giving her any of the gifts would be appropriate. You need to move on, and giving her such a personal gift after all that transpired isn't appropriate. You probably shouldn't even be talking with her. Return all the gifts, or give them to your mom, sister (if you have one), or charity.
albeli said:
I agree with this. Also, it sounds like you think highly of her so the comment I'm about to make will be one that you will probably disregard, but you shouldn't.
She already lied about being involved, which speaks volumes on her character and moral build up. You sound like a nice guy. She is not a nice girl. If you give her a gift like this it sends a very clear message that she can take advantage of you and, in all likely hood, get you to do things/buy things for her by simply batting her eyes. Don't do it! Dangerous path.
I say this as a nice girl, myself
I know what I'm talking about. I also work in a psychology office. Lol.