New Guy here with a Christmas dilemma

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J

Jorag

New Member
Dec 8, 2012
2
0
#1
Hello everyone, I am new here. I've joined mostly because I have bought a special person in my life some Coach items for Christmas. I didn't know where else to ask. This seemed like a good place to do so. I can't really chat about this to my guy friends, they'll think I'm going soft. ;)

I've been conflicted about giving it to her. Because she kinda broke my heart. It's a long story as to how it came to be, but she made me feel things I've never felt in my 27-years of being on this earth. Those cliche things that you hear happen when you love someone. Butterflies in your stomach, birds singing, you know all that sweet stuff. She likes me too, not sure if it was love, but she definitely enjoyed the way I treated her. But, things got so complicated.

I want to give her these items, because I've always wanted to give a gift of Coach or similar tote/handbag to someone who I think absolutely deserves it. (that's not my mom) I want her to have it, but some female friends I've chatted with, say it's just too much, especially since she isn't my GF or wife. I've only known her for a few months. She isn't the type that asks for things. And I'm kind of a generous person. It's more of a 'thank you' for everything that you made me feel, mostly good, but also bad. I always planned on giving my first true love a special gift, even if it didn't work out so great.

I bought her the medium Hamptons Tote in Khaki/brown stripe, the wristlet with the same design/color and the matching mini-skinny wallet. I would of gotten her some pumps too, but I have no clue what her shoe size is. Once I get into the holiday spirit I cannot stop myself. I had so much fun buying her these things and putting them together. It doesn't hurt me financially, but I have to ask, is this something appropriate to give to her? I do not want her to give me anything, at most I've been wanting this nice little piggy bank I saw or a nice knit winter hat. I'm not one to ask for anything fancy.

Also, I had never stepped into a Coach store in my life (85th & Madison). It's definitely a nice place to shop. :cool:

This is what I got her; I took the tote out of the box. I plan on trying to make my own special presentation.

Coach.jpg


So that's my mini-story, I hope I didn't bore anyone with my wall of text. And wow, this forum has lots of smilies!
 
#2
Without knowing you and her, I can't advise you but my gut feeling is that a gift this big might backfire. She might feel like you are trying to "buy" her or make her feel obligated out of gratitude. I would feel more comfortable with just the wristlet and maybe the skinny and after you see how that goes over, you could give her the tote on another occasion.
 
#3
It's too much as you've said she isn't your girlfriend and you've only known her for a few months. Your feelings of conflict are telling you that it might not be a wise idea to give her all of this for a gift. I agree with the poster above, give her the wristlet and/or skinny.
 
#6
I agree on what everyone else is saying just give her the wristlet, its something still nice but small, I think it would be overwhelming for her to give it all to her. The tote is gorgeous by the way though. And like what the other posters have said go with your gut feeling..good luck and let us know how it goes and what you ended up giving to her......
 
#7
Another vote for the wristlet. If she is as sweet of a person as you sound like, she would be overwhelmed by such an extravagant gesture. If she is the type that would expect such extravagance from a friend, run, don't walk. But I bet she is a lovely girl if she made you feel so wonderful.


If you really believe there is a future, save the other items for future gifts. I can see the other matching pieces being given on very special occasions to let her know how serious you took her very early on...like after you are a couple for a serious amount of time, the tote could be a gift associated with a trip....and the other accessory could be given with an engagement ring inside. Of course, you may discover that this is not her favorite pattern or she's not a coach girl ( gasp) and then you could avoid investing so much in something she might not love. A man that takes the time to find out what a woman wants rather than giving her what he wants her to have is priceless.

Good luck!!!
 
#8
I understand the love of giving. I, personally, would probably give it anyway...knowing that you may get nothing in return...and not expecting anything in return. If you can afford it, why not give it? It's a gift, from the heart. As long as you give it not anticipating anything in return (material or emotional) then you will not be disappointed - but rather may just feel good for being so kind to another person. Especially a person that doesn't ask for or expect anything this nice. Good luck to you. It's really difficult to advise someone without knowing more...but that's my initial gut reaction. :santawave: Have a Merry Christmas!
 
#9
I agree with the others...just one of the small items for now. I'd also like to mention that many of us are VERY particular about our handbags and accessories. Not to rain on your parade, but she might not be a fan of that style, and many women don't like to carry "signature" items (with the C's all over the fabric.)

I'm just laying it out there and I don't mean to sound...mean. But when you spend a lot of money on a gift, it should be something they will like and use.
 
#10
I think it's an incredibly sweet gesture on your part, taking the time to choose what you feel will be the perfect gifts for someone you hold very special in your heart! Lots of us women out here would be thrilled!

However.....it's so difficult to give the proper advice since we can't possibly know the full story and nature of your relationship. For example, if the situation is that you are in love with this girl, but maybe she's not reciprocating the same feelings and is holding you at arm's length as more of a "friend" type, it could come across (to her) that you are attempting to secure her affections by giving multiple expensive gifts, i.e. "buying" her love, so to speak. I say this from experience. Years ago, I got involved with someone who was a friend. His affections for me escalated, and because we were friends, I tried to let it evolve into a relationship. The truth was, I just really wasn't into him in that way, and the more he tried, the harder and faster I pulled away. He became obsessive. I moved to another city; he then followed me, moving to the city I moved to, even after I told him NOT to. He started stalking me, acting crazy, sending gifts and flowers, etc.....I'm not in ANY way making assumptions that you are like that, so please don't think that. All I'm saying is this: I liked him more as a friend than a BF, and the gifts and flowers and excess sent me in the opposite direction as fast as I could go.

I say give her one of the smaller items so that it doesn't seem like you went overboard, and let the relationship develop as it will. If it turns out that it's just going to be a friendship without romance, then return the other items, all the while knowing in your heart that your intentions were pure and kind and loving and that you are a good person. That way you will still have the friendship with her even if nothing more comes out of it.

Good luck and please let us know how it turns out!
 
#11
You say she kinda broke your heart, and that she wasn't sure she returned your love.

I have to agree--listen to your instinct and those warning bells. Maybe give her one of the smaller gifts. But all of that would be over the top given the circumstances, regardless of your intentions.
 
#12
emilybug said:
I think it's an incredibly sweet gesture on your part, taking the time to choose what you feel will be the perfect gifts for someone you hold very special in your heart! Lots of us women out here would be thrilled!

However.....it's so difficult to give the proper advice since we can't possibly know the full story and nature of your relationship. For example, if the situation is that you are in love with this girl, but maybe she's not reciprocating the same feelings and is holding you at arm's length as more of a "friend" type, it could come across (to her) that you are attempting to secure her affections by giving multiple expensive gifts, i.e. "buying" her love, so to speak. I say this from experience. Years ago, I got involved with someone who was a friend. His affections for me escalated, and because we were friends, I tried to let it evolve into a relationship. The truth was, I just really wasn't into him in that way, and the more he tried, the harder and faster I pulled away. He became obsessive. I moved to another city; he then followed me, moving to the city I moved to, even after I told him NOT to. He started stalking me, acting crazy, sending gifts and flowers, etc.....I'm not in ANY way making assumptions that you are like that, so please don't think that. All I'm saying is this: I liked him more as a friend than a BF, and the gifts and flowers and excess sent me in the opposite direction as fast as I could go.

I say give her one of the smaller items so that it doesn't seem like you went overboard, and let the relationship develop as it will. If it turns out that it's just going to be a friendship without romance, then return the other items, all the while knowing in your heart that your intentions were pure and kind and loving and that you are a good person. That way you will still have the friendship with her even if nothing more comes out of it.

Good luck and please let us know how it turns out!
Click to expand...

Excellent post!
 
#13
Mr. OP - I'm sure your intentions are pure and wonderful, but this type of thing can backfire hard. Example - A very good single friend of mine was dating a girl he really, really liked and cared about. They were very early on into their relationship, which started a few weeks before Valentine's Day. So, for Valentine's Day, to show her how much he cared, he bought her a beautiful, expensive diamond pendant. It completely freaked her out - totally the opposite effect he meant to have. She returned the necklace to him and broke off the relationship because she said he was moving things too fast for her.

I know my friend never meant to scare this girl away, but doing too much too soon can really damage things. I agree with what others have said here - start off with a smaller item and build up to something larger later on, when there's more of a relationship established. If that time never comes, you're not out anything, money-wise.

I hope things work out for you in the end. I know it can be difficult - I see my friend and my little brother having similar issues and it's hard! Best wishes!
 
#14
emilybug said:
I think it's an incredibly sweet gesture on your part, taking the time to choose what you feel will be the perfect gifts for someone you hold very special in your heart! Lots of us women out here would be thrilled!

However.....it's so difficult to give the proper advice since we can't possibly know the full story and nature of your relationship. For example, if the situation is that you are in love with this girl, but maybe she's not reciprocating the same feelings and is holding you at arm's length as more of a "friend" type, it could come across (to her) that you are attempting to secure her affections by giving multiple expensive gifts, i.e. "buying" her love, so to speak. I say this from experience. Years ago, I got involved with someone who was a friend. His affections for me escalated, and because we were friends, I tried to let it evolve into a relationship. The truth was, I just really wasn't into him in that way, and the more he tried, the harder and faster I pulled away. He became obsessive. I moved to another city; he then followed me, moving to the city I moved to, even after I told him NOT to. He started stalking me, acting crazy, sending gifts and flowers, etc.....I'm not in ANY way making assumptions that you are like that, so please don't think that. All I'm saying is this: I liked him more as a friend than a BF, and the gifts and flowers and excess sent me in the opposite direction as fast as I could go.

I say give her one of the smaller items so that it doesn't seem like you went overboard, and let the relationship develop as it will. If it turns out that it's just going to be a friendship without romance, then return the other items, all the while knowing in your heart that your intentions were pure and kind and loving and that you are a good person. That way you will still have the friendship with her even if nothing more comes out of it.

Good luck and please let us know how it turns out!
Click to expand...

Good post and I totally agree!
 
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