I think I've completely cracked

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vintagefinds

vintagefinds

O.G.
Jan 9, 2012
690
225
#1
And I blame this forum! Kidding, of course.

I have a very lovely yellow sapphire engagement ring. I got engaged at 22 and our budget was small. My husband really wanted me to pick out something unique, in other words not a diamond. I wanted him to pick out a ring for me on his own, but he refused. To this day he has never picked out a piece of jewelry for me. The sapphire was the perfect choice for us at the time, because it fulfilled his goals of being unique, yellow is my most favorite color, and I could get a large stone with a small budget.

I feel horrible and ungrateful, but I still harbor fantasies of recieving a diamond ring from my husband that he picks out. Perhaps presented to me with a little speech to mimic the proposal I always wanted but never got. My husband is an AMAZING man and we are having our 10th wedding anniversary in March. We have a very happy marriage. I have so much more love in my life than many, but I still would love a diamond. I look at diamonds all the time online. I think it might be an illness.

I get a little jealous because I'm seeing so many girls getting engaged around me with beautiful diamond rings. I think maybe the culture has changed, because we were advised not to spend even 1 month salary even with substantial savings, but now men seem to be spending 3-4 months salary while in debt. On one hand, I'm glad we did it our way. On the other, if we'd spent 2 months salary, I could have had a large diamond. I know being jealous is wrong, and I do try to focus on being happy for them instead.

If I had a diamond, I could upgrade without any judgement at all. It's so common these days. But I've gotten static from jewelers over wanting potentially a different ring. That's apparently not ok socially. I've been told by more than one jeweler that they would help me if it were a diamond, but it's not, and I should be happy with my ring as is because it's quite large. All I hear is the unsaid "how could you be so greedy?" It seems to be all about size. All people can understand is wanting something larger, not different. I do have a wedding band with small diamonds on it, so I'm not completely deprived, I guess. Maybe I am just greedy.

Do you think it's worth bringing up the idea for a 10th wedding anniversary ring? Do you think a solitaire would be seen as acceptable? Or maybe a 3 stone would be more appropriate? My husband will have no problem spending the money, but convincing him to pick something out is going to take months of my insistence. Do you think it's worth it to make it an issue I'll have to press my husband on, given that I have a nice ring already? Am I being greedy?

That was long. Thank you for those who got through it!
 
#2
No, you are not being greedy and I think your husband will understand. Maybe you could compromise idd, and pick a 3 stone ring, if he doesn't like the idea of you swapping your e-ring. But really, don't feel bad about this, there's nothing wrong with you. I get obsessed with things all the time :p
 
#3
If he's terrified of choosing something you don't like, what about a compromise?

Tell him you really want a diamond ring that he picks out as your 10th anniversary present, and give him a shortlist of 10 or so you like.

You get to be surprised, and he can stop stressing about making a bad choice :)

(I'm working off the assumption this is a RHR - convincing him to upgrade your e ring rather than adding a RHR may be a different issue altogether??)
 
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#4
Blossy said:
If he's terrified of choosing something you don't like, what about a compromise?

Tell him you really want a diamond ring that he picks out as your 10th anniversary present, and give him a shortlist of 10 or so you like.

You get to be surprised, and he can stop stressing about making a bad choice :)

(I'm working off the assumption this is a RHR - convincing him to upgrade your e ring rather than adding a RHR may be a different issue altogether??)
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No, it wouldn't be a RHR. I don't wear all that much jewelry, and never rings on two hands. It would be an anniversary ring I would wear instead of my engagement ring. That's not something that would bother him. I hardly wear the engagement ring as it is because the stone's uncomfortably large for me. So in a sense, it would be an upgrade, I just won't be trading in the original ring.
 
#6
vintagefinds said:
No, it wouldn't be a RHR. I don't wear all that much jewelry, and never rings on two hands. It would be an anniversary ring I would wear instead of my engagement ring. That's not something that would bother him. I hardly wear the engagement ring as it is because the stone's uncomfortably large for me. So in a sense, it would be an upgrade, I just won't be trading in the original ring.
Click to expand...

If your husband won't be upset, maybe you just need to seek out other jewelers. They seem to be the only ones upset about you "switching it up." I say that because honestly it's a completely new ring so I don't understand what all the huff is about. Maybe try a jeweler a friend recommends in your area? Hopefully they can be of better help 😄
 
#7
I find it very strange that a jeweller would turn down a potential sale, you think they would be supportive!?

I don't think you are greedy, you want a diamond ring and there is nothing wrong with this. if you and your husband can afford what you want then I don't see any problem with asking for this for your 10th anniversary. after all you're not upgrading, you are keeping your sapphire but if you get your diamond you'll have 2 rings to choose between :)
 
#8
I think part of the problem is that I have a very high web on between my fingers. There's maybe 5mm of space before I hit my knuckle. So I can only wear one ring at a time. My engagement (sapphire) and wedding (diamond band) get worn separately. Otherwise, I'd just add a solitaire to wear with the wedding band. It has never bothered my husband that I wear different rings at different times, or when I forget to wear them at all. The rings aren't important to him and aren't sentimental to him.

A 3 stone might be the answer. I've always loved 3 stone rings!
 
#9
Yeah, it was weird. I started out the process by trying to have the sapphire set lower, and got told it wouldn't be worth the money. I appreciate that she tries to save her customers money, but I think I can decide for myself what's worth it. She knows me from when I got engaged in 2003, and I don't think she realized I'm not shocked that prices have drastically risen since then. Then they didn't tighten up my ring correctly... yep, I'll be shopping online or elsewhere. Same because this is a local luxury jeweler, and I've had good dealings with them for decades.
 
#10
I hope you get your diamond ring. Do you want a colored diamond or a white one? I think what you're doing is absolutely fine and was wondering if the first jeweler would have treated you differently if your husband were there. You are definitely not greedy for wanting a diamond engagement ring, it's a completely understandable and normal thing to want as that's the traditional ring one gets when engaged. You could understandably feel deprived or passed over even though your priorities are perfectly normal, (you recognize that you are lucky with your dh and all that he has given you already) it's not a materialistic or greedy thing to want a diamond ring when it's become so standard and mundane.

I look at it like this...you like your ring and feel lucky to have a gorgeous ring but it doesn't mean you have to stop liking diamonds or wanting one. You're married 10 yrs which is a reasonable amount of time to have worn the first ring that symbolizes your commitment. At this point I'm sure your dh would want you to have a diamond if he knew you felt frustrated at seeing everyone around you sporting diamonds. Your ring sounds really beautiful, I think we'd all like to see it if you can post a picture. I know you say you don't want to wear a ring on both hands but I think it would be nice to have the option of wearing your original on your right hand so that you could wear the new diamond ring (after you get it) on your left.
 
#11
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Here are my wedding and engagement rings together. The hubs is happy as long as I'm happy, but he thinks the wedding ring is a snooze fest. He puts a premium on unique. I think I might start a board on Pinterest and see what he thinks of the styles I like.
 
#12
You're not greedy at all! We work with couples all the time, trying to find something one of a kind for an anniversary upgrade. A giant old cut diamond in a warm color range often fits the bill for our clients, but it's different for each person. Many of our clients have other diamonds that they love, yet they crave something more. It's completely natural and I find myself changing and upgrading my own rings regularly, and I covet others' pieces almost constantly! :)

I like another poster's idea about doing the research and deciding what you want, then sending your husband a short list of several pieces you'd be thrilled with. Then ask him to make the final selection and surprise you with it. It's the perfect compromise.

Your sapphire is stunning! It would look amazing in a vintagey white halo setting - yum!
 
#13
EricaD said:
You're not greedy at all! We work with couples all the time, trying to find something one of a kind for an anniversary upgrade. A giant old cut diamond in a warm color range often fits the bill for our clients, but it's different for each person. Many of our clients have other diamonds that they love, yet they crave something more. It's completely natural and I find myself changing and upgrading my own rings regularly, and I covet others' pieces almost constantly! :)

I like another poster's idea about doing the research and deciding what you want, then sending your husband a short list of several pieces you'd be thrilled with. Then ask him to make the final selection and surprise you with it. It's the perfect compromise.

Your sapphire is stunning! It would look amazing in a vintagey white halo setting - yum!
Click to expand...

Completely agree! You're not being greedy at all! I love your idea of a pinterest board of ideas! Your current ring is LOVELY, but I completely understand your wanting what you want! Shoot, I'd love to have several different styles of engagement rings to rotate 😁
 
#14
I completely understand! I don't get where your jeweler is coming from because where I live it is completely a given that a woman might upgrade to a totally different ring.
Your ring is gorgeous by the way.
I got the surprise upgrade at 25 years but it didn't turn out to be an upgrade after all because he forgot about a wrap that he bought me 6 years earlier. I didn't go with him to look at rings beforehand because it was a surprise. I love the ring he chose but it was two tone and I have since had to get the shank replaced so it is all white gold. None of that would have had to happen if he had taken me to look at rings.
Go look at rings and try them on. Pick out a few you both like best and let that be the surprise.
I do think it is important to try some stuff on. I thought I would like a halo and it did nothing for me.
I can't wait to hear what happens.
 
#15
So I talked to my husband about it last night, he actually brought it up, and it's a no go. He's totally on board with an upgrade, but he does not like diamonds and does not want to buy one. They are too boring and common for him to get excited about. He loved the idea of upgrading to a yellow diamond, but that's not what I wanted, and I don't see the point in having multiple yellow stone rings. It wasn't a firm no, more like a dismissal, which means he's probably already forgotten about it.

I'm a little bummed. I really had my heart set on an emerald cut, or something otherwise classic and vintage looking. I deal antiques for a living, so I'm into old-fashioned. That said, there are tons of other lovely things he'd be perfectly happy to gift me for our 10th, so I'll focus on that!
 
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