Ering shopping conflict

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dster1

O.G.
Sep 10, 2012
413
348
#1
Ladies, I feel awful right now. Bf and I have decided to go ring shopping together and have agreed to a budget of 15k. I think this is very reasonable for rings we were looking at. However, tonight my mom made a comment that minimum price should be $30k in order for us to get a good stone. I looked at her like she had 6 heads. I know how hard bf has been saving and planning so this really upset him. I think y mom just has unrealistic expectations. We grew up middle class and 30k is a large sum Of money for a ring. I don't even want to wear something like that daily. My mom says that I shouldn't let my bf "lowball" me and this drives me crazy. I'm not marrying for money and honestly don't think I would be happier with a more expensive ring. Bf and I are also in the process of buying a house so it just seemed crazy to me that my mom would say that to us.

Any advice on how to handle this? I feel like crap right now and fb is very upset because he feels like my mom won't give us a blessing without a large price tag attached. I know my mom means well but this is too much of her projecting her wants onto me. Thanks it reading, everyone.
 
#2
Tell her that you both decided on that budget and (jokingly) offer that if she wants to pay the other 1/2 you'd consider a $30k price tag. :)

Honestly it's no ones business how much you spend on your ring.. Besides, you can always upgrade in the future. $15k will get you a nice ring! Good luck!
 
#4
The budget should be private between you and your fiancé. Don't involve your mother. Just show her the ring after you get it, and if she's negative ask her to keep her comments to herself.

I really don't see why your mother would have any say or involvement in what your fiancé spends on a ring unless she's the one buying it.

$15k is a huge budget, IMO. $30k is a house down payment in some areas. Sorry, but your mother is way out of line. Ignore her.
 
#5
Ignore your Mother. Easier said than done I know.

At the end of the day, your Partner will be the one to purchase the ring and you will be the one wearing the ring. So your Mother has totally no say in it. It's not her decision at all. Yes she can make snide comments but it's up to you both if you will listen to her.
 
#6
Ugh, poor thing. My mum got all opinionated about the wedding after our engagement. If it means anything, your BFs budget is more than 'adequate' (it will get you a beautiful ring) but whether it's $150 or $1.5K or $15K it's not your mother's or anyone's business.

If you're old enough to find your partner and accept his proposal, your old enough to not have to make her opinion a deal breaker. Don't let this ruin one of the happiest times of your life.

When my mum started to go on about flowers, or the guest list, I finally told her "when you get married again, you can do and choose whatever you want. I'm getting married to DF, not you, and we will do what suits us". I wouldn't even defend the ring specifically or justify it (house or not) as you don't need to answer to anyone about that including your mum.

Try and draw the line when you can if she's forgotten you've grown up and can make your own decisions, it can get worse if you don't! (for example the next thing may be the wedding, then the house, then the decor, then the kids...)

Best of luck, and post up the ring when you get it (so exciting!)
 
#7
NWGal said:
Tell her that you both decided on that budget and (jokingly) offer that if she wants to pay the other 1/2 you'd consider a $30k price tag. :)
Click to expand...

Agreed! And if you're trying to buy a house, large purchases are going to make it even slower to make that even larger purchase.
 
#8
Thanks ladies! I just feel awful now because bf is now really hung up on her comments when we were both originally really happy. I tried talking to him about and to ignore but it's obvious he's still upset. I don't want him to look at the ring later and still be reminded of this incident. Any advice on what I can do on my end? I am no longer involving my mother or giving her details of such things.
 
#9
It's really none of her business how much is spent. Remind him that you two are planning a life together, not you three, and her skewed opinions are completely irrelevant.
 
#15
It's not even passive aggressive, it's just purely aggressive, and it must relate to some feelings she has about the two of you, or about him, in general. I am sorry for you to have had this happen.

Draw a firm line on this and make it clear that such discussions are unwelcome and done with.

She is out of line--and factually wrong, too, about getting quality at only that price threshold.
 
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