Another Purse?! Husband Thinks Wife is Obsessed with Handbags

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So I could not understand why she can't get a Coach or something affordable. My beef is with the price. My wife is letting me use this because she thought folks here would be able to help me understand why she needs another bag. But to answer your question, I am bitter about the prices of these bags.
If this is about budget, you need to have the conversation with your wife, not with us. Only you know your financial situation. If you're not comfortable spending so much money on bags or if you can't afford it, then tell her that.
 
So I could not understand why she can't get a Coach or something affordable. My beef is with the price. My wife is letting me use this because she thought folks here would be able to help me understand why she needs another bag. But to answer your question, I am bitter about the prices of these bags.
Then perhaps a suggestion would be some counselling regarding your spending differences? Or sitting down with a financial planner? Clearly the two of you have different opinions on what her handbag spending limits should be. Or does this kind of thing come up in other areas as well?
 
I told her yesterday that I would get her the bag she wants by the end of the month. Then she texts me to say I don't feel like celebrating because I don't have the bag. Can we move the birthday celebration to when the bag is ready? That ticked me off. If I don't have money then I can't celebrate a birthday? I'll stop there since we're going into relationship territory. I was fine until she said that.
Well herein lies the problem then. You need to have a conversation with your wife and explain to her why you found this hurtful.
 
I told her yesterday that I would get her the bag she wants by the end of the month. Then she texts me to say I don't feel like celebrating because I don't have the bag. Can we move the birthday celebration to when the bag is ready? That ticked me off. If I don't have money then I can't celebrate a birthday? I'll stop there since we're going into relationship territory. I was fine until she said that.
It does sound like it's about more than money. While for me the bag would be secondary to my birthday celebration I can't speak for your wife, obviously. Again, I hope the two of you can find some solution. Good luck!
 
Then perhaps a suggestion would be some counselling regarding your spending differences? Or sitting down with a financial planner? Clearly the two of you have different opinions on what her handbag spending limits should be. Or does this kind of thing come up in other areas as well?
Only on birthdays. She's frugal in other areas.
 
Only on birthdays. She's frugal in other areas.
So she wants to make a splash on her birthday, one day a year (although you mentioned expensive purchases on Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc in your earlier post. You also mentioned that she hates money so I find this a little confusing). If its a once a year expense for a special day is it that big a deal? If it''s a matter of straining the family budget that's one thing. If it's your personal sense of frugality you may want to give a little.
 
I told her yesterday that I would get her the bag she wants by the end of the month. Then she texts me to say I don't feel like celebrating because I don't have the bag. Can we move the birthday celebration to when the bag is ready? That ticked me off. If I don't have money then I can't celebrate a birthday? I'll stop there since we're going into relationship territory. I was fine until she said that.

You say this is about the price of the bag, but I think there’s way more than that going on. It’s the amount of money, the feelings of appreciation— or not — from both of you, etc. This bag has become much more than a bag or a price tag. You guys really need to talk this out, possibly in counseling. Good luck to you both.
 
She sounds unreasonable to me. I would never expect or want my husband (of over 40 years) to buy me a bag, I buy my own.
To each her own. I see nothing wrong with having your spouse purchasing a more high end item as a gift, whether it's husband for wife or vice versa. Provided, again, that's it's within the family budget.
 
I don't really understand why women expect their husbands to pay for their purses... Maybe it's because I'm from Europe, not the US. :huh:
That's a pretty broad statement, no? As I understand it, this is a birthday gift. Also, not all US/Canadian women expect their husbands to purchase their handbags!
 
I told her yesterday that I would get her the bag she wants by the end of the month. Then she texts me to say I don't feel like celebrating because I don't have the bag. Can we move the birthday celebration to when the bag is ready? That ticked me off. If I don't have money then I can't celebrate a birthday? I'll stop there since we're going into relationship territory. I was fine until she said that.
Warning. Long post. Lol!

I would be incredibly hurt if my husband wanted to postpone his birthday celebration time until I could get him a specific present. It would feel like I have to pay an admission fee to “get” to have that time. And, it would feel like a material thing was more important than “us.”

I’d also be angry if he wanted me to spend money on a non essential item that wasn’t fun money / disposable. From your comments, you aren’t financially strapped but, you do need to plan and delay this purchase. I’d want to delay until the amount was super comfortable to spend.

So, with the HUGE disclaimer that I’m not hearing your wife’s side, I get why you are full of WTF’s.

I agree that this is a relationship issue. Why IS she so focused on the gift and why ARE you focused on the time? I have my biases but, I hesitate to say either is right or wrong. There’s a book called The 5 Love Languages that may help you. It outlines the theory that how one person may want give love may not be how the other can feel it. “Gifts” and “Time” are actually 2 of the 5 languages. So, you two may be doing the relationship equivalent of both wanting the same thing (happy birthday) but your wife is speaking in Mandarin and you’re speaking Italian. Or a better analogy would be you both want to put out a fire and one of you thinks you should use a blanket while the other wants to throw on water. Perhaps some good conversation, reflection or even a third party can help you see if your goals are the same and help you harmonize your approaches.

But, to answer your original question. Why does she want another bag?

• Fashion: Variety helps with mixing and matching clothes. You probably have more than 2 shirts and 2 pair of pants. Almost never does anyone keep all their clothing categories to the bare minimum we need.
• Function: She may need a certain type of bag to solve a need. For example, she may have satchels but need a hands free crossbody to wear running errands.
• Perspective: Being on tPF, she likely has a warped view of how many bags is “normal”. I know I do! My collection of 22 bags seems tiny. :lol: But, we’re bag lovers so, we don’t have to be nor do we aspire to be “normal”.
• Love language: The financial or even value compromise you make to get the bag may feel to her like proof you care.
• She has functioning eyes: She may just think it’s cute and want it. Lol!

In any case, I wish you two the very best. Marriage is too special and wonderful to have conflict over what is essentially a sack for stuff. My two cents - don’t buy her anything you will resent. That will just breed discontent over time. I would much rather go without a bag or buy it for myself than EVER get a grudge gift from my husband. Work the core issues out first.

Good luck!
 
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