Another Purse?! Husband Thinks Wife is Obsessed with Handbags

rudals1281

Member
Mar 13, 2018
15
12
Can someone help me understand why my wife is asking for yet another purse? She has plenty and the ones she has she babies them. All the purses that she has are above $2.5k and it is mind boggling to me that she wants another purse for her birthday. I fear that I might get run over but I am really trying to understand why she's asking for yet another purse.
 

catsinthebag

adopt a shelter pet!
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Sep 7, 2010
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Well, to get specific answers as to why she wants another purse, and why she wants that purse, you will have to ask her. However, if you’re looking for a general answer to the question of why women love purses, or why we need so many, you may get a variety of answers here. Welcome to tPF, the rabbit hole of purse longing! :lol:

Handbags mean different things to different people. For some, it’s a style thing and wanting a specific bag for a certain use or look. I suspect that here on tPF, it runs a lot deeper for some of us. It is the accessory that always fits, whether we gain or lose weight. It’s the thing that can negate a bad hair day, or give us a lift on an otherwise awful day. It is a gift that can be just for us. For some women, their bag is the only space they have that is completely theirs, that they don’t have to share with anyone.

In a word, it’s complicated. :smile:

There are a few questions you should ask yourself as well. You’re asking why she wants “yet another” purse when she already has “so many.” What is “so many?” Five? Fifty? What do you think she should want instead? Why does her wanting another bag bother you so much? I’m guessing from your post that while you find the amount of money somewhat shocking, it is not a matter of being able to afford it. It’s more about what you see value in vs. where she sees value. Assuming that she isn’t spending money you don’t have and causing financial problems, why not just roll with it and try to give her what she wants?

If, on the other hand, you feel like she’s developed an unhealthy obsession, perhaps that should lead to a discussion where you truly try to find out what’s missing from her life. The quest for the “perfect bag” can be a mask for other issues. It’s also totally reasonable to sit down and talk about her having a certain budget for bags — one you both agree on.

Just my two cents. I hope this helps a bit.
 

rudals1281

Member
Mar 13, 2018
15
12
Well, to get specific answers as to why she wants another purse, and why she wants that purse, you will have to ask her. However, if you’re looking for a general answer to the question of why women love purses, or why we need so many, you may get a variety of answers here. Welcome to tPF, the rabbit hole of purse longing! :lol:

Handbags mean different things to different people. For some, it’s a style thing and wanting a specific bag for a certain use or look. I suspect that here on tPF, it runs a lot deeper for some of us. It is the accessory that always fits, whether we gain or lose weight. It’s the thing that can negate a bad hair day, or give us a lift on an otherwise awful day. It is a gift that can be just for us. For some women, their bag is the only space they have that is completely theirs, that they don’t have to share with anyone.

In a word, it’s complicated. :smile:

There are a few questions you should ask yourself as well. You’re asking why she wants “yet another” purse when she already has “so many.” What is “so many?” Five? Fifty? What do you think she should want instead? Why does her wanting another bag bother you so much? I’m guessing from your post that while you find the amount of money somewhat shocking, it is not a matter of being able to afford it. It’s more about what you see value in vs. where she sees value. Assuming that she isn’t spending money you don’t have and causing financial problems, why not just roll with it and try to give her what she wants?

If, on the other hand, you feel like she’s developed an unhealthy obsession, perhaps that should lead to a discussion where you truly try to find out what’s missing from her life. The quest for the “perfect bag” can be a mask for other issues. It’s also totally reasonable to sit down and talk about her having a certain budget for bags — one you both agree on.

Just my two cents. I hope this helps a bit.
I did ask and she says I just don't get it. If I add up the New w/ Tag value of all of her bags (about six) they total out to about $20k. Some may say that is nothing over a 5 year period but damn it when does this end? It's on average $3k a pop for her purses. She has purses that she babies and takes out once a year or so. I don't know why she feels entitled to a purse on her birthday when she makes other expensive purchases on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, and Christmas. She hates money.

I have been into guitars for about 20 years and yet I only have two guitars. I can make a case and buy a guitar for different purposes. This one is for practice, this one is for live performance, this one is for recording, this one is for beater, this one is a backup. But I don't. I am content with my two guitars. I don't understand why she's not happy with what she has. I am sure many here have more than her but she doesn't even want to have her birthday because her purse is not ready. I am like wtf?

And I have 1 watch that is junk. I am into collecting paper napkins. I get a thrill out of taking chunks of napkins from different places. It's a weird hobby but at least it's free and doesn't cost sooooo much.

My beef now is that she feels like she can't celebrate her birthday without her purse. She asked if her celebration can be moved to day when the bag is ready. WTF?!
 

jellyv

O.G.
Mar 29, 2006
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I don't know why she feels entitled to ...

damn it when does it end?

I don't understand why she's not happy with what she has.

I am like wtf?

My beef is...

WTF?!

This is so not about bags, clearly. It's about communication skills, finances, and very close to the surface hostility. Suggest it goes to the Relationships and Family forum.
 

Pessie

has left tpf
Jan 14, 2015
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I did ask and she says I just don't get it. If I add up the New w/ Tag value of all of her bags (about six) they total out to about $20k. Some may say that is nothing over a 5 year period but damn it when does this end? It's on average $3k a pop for her purses. She has purses that she babies and takes out once a year or so. I don't know why she feels entitled to a purse on her birthday when she makes other expensive purchases on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, and Christmas. She hates money.

I have been into guitars for about 20 years and yet I only have two guitars. I can make a case and buy a guitar for different purposes. This one is for practice, this one is for live performance, this one is for recording, this one is for beater, this one is a backup. But I don't. I am content with my two guitars. I don't understand why she's not happy with what she has. I am sure many here have more than her but she doesn't even want to have her birthday because her purse is not ready. I am like wtf?

And I have 1 watch that is junk. I am into collecting paper napkins. I get a thrill out of taking chunks of napkins from different places. It's a weird hobby but at least it's free and doesn't cost sooooo much.

My beef now is that she feels like she can't celebrate her birthday without her purse. She asked if her celebration can be moved to day when the bag is ready. WTF?!
I think you’ll find tpf is the wrong place to come hoping to find people agreeing with your point of view - which seems to be what you’re after :confused1:
 

rudals1281

Member
Mar 13, 2018
15
12
I think you’ll find tpf is the wrong place to come hoping to find people agreeing with your point of view - which seems to be what you’re after :confused1:
Actually, I love my wife and want to understand. She's VERY into fashion so she probably wants different bags to match different clothes. I have agreed to get her the bag and have her birthday when the bag can be presented as a gift per her request. I just find that ridiculous.
 

Pessie

has left tpf
Jan 14, 2015
4,248
9,855
Actually, I love my wife and want to understand. She's VERY into fashion so she probably wants different bags to match different clothes. I have agreed to get her the bag and have her birthday when the bag can be presented as a gift per her request. I just find that ridiculous.
There you go - so you do know why she wants another bag. I don’t see the point of this thread, other than to create drama? I’m out
 

muchstuff

"Add to cart"
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Jun 6, 2014
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Since you have come here to ask, here's my two cents worth...
I'm sensing more than a little hostility here, as evidenced by the "damns" and "wtfs". Is it the amount of bags she has or the amount of money spent? Would you be as upset If each bag cost $300 instead of 3K? You go on about how you don't spend money on things you consider important. Perhaps, as mentioned, you need to have an open discussion on budget.
I don't consider five or six bags over five years excessive at all. Consider the amount of shoes, clothing items, etc. some would buy in that time period. Many people, women AND men, would purchase more than five of anything they felt passionate about in five years.
And if my husband hijacked my tPF account to complain about my hand bag habits publicly I'd be way more than a little ticked off. If you thought you may find support here that you could use against her you've come to the wrong place. Hope you two can work things out.
 

catsinthebag

adopt a shelter pet!
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Sep 7, 2010
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I did ask and she says I just don't get it. If I add up the New w/ Tag value of all of her bags (about six) they total out to about $20k. Some may say that is nothing over a 5 year period but damn it when does this end? It's on average $3k a pop for her purses. She has purses that she babies and takes out once a year or so. I don't know why she feels entitled to a purse on her birthday when she makes other expensive purchases on Valentine's Day, wedding anniversary, and Christmas. She hates money.

I have been into guitars for about 20 years and yet I only have two guitars. I can make a case and buy a guitar for different purposes. This one is for practice, this one is for live performance, this one is for recording, this one is for beater, this one is a backup. But I don't. I am content with my two guitars. I don't understand why she's not happy with what she has. I am sure many here have more than her but she doesn't even want to have her birthday because her purse is not ready. I am like wtf?

And I have 1 watch that is junk. I am into collecting paper napkins. I get a thrill out of taking chunks of napkins from different places. It's a weird hobby but at least it's free and doesn't cost sooooo much.

My beef now is that she feels like she can't celebrate her birthday without her purse. She asked if her celebration can be moved to day when the bag is ready. WTF?!

It sounds to me like what’s bothering you is that getting the bag seems more important to her than celebrating her birthday with you. If that’s the case, I agree with the poster who said this should be moved to the relationship forum.

As far as the guitars, we all have our own internal measurement for what is “enough” of a particular item. Some people have 6 bags, some have dozens. Some have just a few bags but multiples of bag charms, scarves, etc. The problems start when you think your number should be “enough” for someone else.

You sound pretty angry about this. Maybe you should try explaining to her how moving her celebration makes you feel? Just a thought.
 

rudals1281

Member
Mar 13, 2018
15
12
Since you have come here to ask, here's my two cents worth...
I'm sensing more than a little hostility here, as evidenced by the "damns" and "wtfs". Is it the amount of bags she has or the amount of money spent? Would you be as upset If each bag cost $300 instead of 3K? You go on about how you don't spend money on things you consider important. Perhaps, as mentioned, you need to have an open discussion on budget.
I don't consider five or six bags over five years excessive at all. Consider the amount of shoes, clothing items, etc. some would buy in that time period. Many people, women AND men, would purchase more than five of anything they felt passionate about in five years.
And if my husband hijacked my tPF account to complain about my hand bag habits publicly I'd be way more than a little ticked off. If you thought you may find support here that you could use against her you've come to the wrong place. Hope you two can work things out.
So I could not understand why she can't get a Coach or something affordable. My beef is with the price. My wife is letting me use this because she thought folks here would be able to help me understand why she needs another bag. But to answer your question, I am bitter about the prices of these bags.
 

rudals1281

Member
Mar 13, 2018
15
12
It sounds to me like what’s bothering you is that getting the bag seems more important to her than celebrating her birthday with you. If that’s the case, I agree with the poster who said this should be moved to the relationship forum.

As far as the guitars, we all have our own internal measurement for what is “enough” of a particular item. Some people have 6 bags, some have dozens. Some have just a few bags but multiples of bag charms, scarves, etc. The problems start when you think your number should be “enough” for someone else.

You sound pretty angry about this. Maybe you should try explaining to her how moving her celebration makes you feel? Just a thought.
I told her yesterday that I would get her the bag she wants by the end of the month. Then she texts me to say I don't feel like celebrating because I don't have the bag. Can we move the birthday celebration to when the bag is ready? That ticked me off. If I don't have money then I can't celebrate a birthday? I'll stop there since we're going into relationship territory. I was fine until she said that.
 
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