Caring for an elderly family member can be exhausting, and taking care of someone with Alzheimer's on your own is an impossible task imo. I really feel for Betsy; she must have felt so alone. I have no idea if she had unrestricted access to their finances, but it might have been better if they had moved into a pet friendly assisted living community with caregiver support.
Actor Gene Hackman, His Wife and Dog Found Dead
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I watched some of the police footage from their bodycams. I believe that is where most of the pictures released originated. From the time the officers entered the house it didn't seem messy at all. There were definitely junky areas but it definitely didn't look like a hoarder's home. The scenes I saw made it look like a huge house and only parts were currently being lived in. (Imagine an aging parent's home with years of stuff around) Parts of the kitchen area looked normal etc. I am thinking that the way it was stated is it may have been weeks before they were discovered so no scheduled cleaning had been done and hence.
It was definitely cluttered and it made me think that she was in way over her head. I am kind of surprised that he didn't have money set aside for the inevitable care for him when he got older.
Money wasn’t an issue. He had millions of dollars. They could easily have afforded in-home care for him as well as having someone come in to help clean and/or cook. I read somewhere that they enjoyed their privacy. This is only a guess, but maybe they just didn’t want employees in their home. They had hired staff come by to maintain the grounds but not their living quarters. I also read that Betsy became super protective of Gene during Covid and she may have avoided contact with other people as much as possible for that reason as well.
I agree, as they were walking in many parts of the house looked totally fine, but then the kitchen looked bad.
You can't really make old people do stuff they don't wanna do, without force sometimes. I'm sure it just all deteriorated so quickly.
The sad thing is there was nobody around to try to make them do anything, no family on either side who checked on them. They had each other. I bet she became very lonely as he slowly lost his mental faculties.
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We have no idea… honestly. As we shouldn’t. I’ve had experiences with my older loved ones, I’m sure looking outside in, folks could say the same. If you haven’t been through this, it’s easy to judge. BTW, I’m not saying “you”, I’m just saying
I think it's hard for civilians to relate to the decisions that would have been made in Gene's healthcare, because most of us don't have to factor in tabloid reporting to the decisions we make in our families. I recall a photo of Gene being published a few years ago, and there was some buzz about it being the first time he'd been seen publicly in a while, and he looked significantly older than people remembered him looking. While Gene was famous more for being a great actor than a heartthrob, his appearance mattered in his career. I can appreciate that chatter like that would be hurtful.
So if it was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and had a desire to keep that quiet, I can understand where there'd be a lack of trust to bring in help and risk leaks about his condition. Add to that I've known couples where one had Alzheimer's, and the other believed that "in sickness and in health" meant the way to show love was to provide all the care. I think there are a lot of factors at play that explain why they didn't bring in help.
So if it was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and had a desire to keep that quiet, I can understand where there'd be a lack of trust to bring in help and risk leaks about his condition. Add to that I've known couples where one had Alzheimer's, and the other believed that "in sickness and in health" meant the way to show love was to provide all the care. I think there are a lot of factors at play that explain why they didn't bring in help.
Of course, this is purely speculative, but it's possible that after his Alzheimer's diagnosis, Gene made some personal requests. He may have asked Betsy to help ensure he could remain at home as the disease progressed. Many people express a wish to spend their final days at home, sometimes without fully realizing how emotionally and physically demanding that can be for their families. It's all vey sad.
Could be. I also thought that maybe she wanted to do it for him. From what people in town indicated, she was always looking out for him, encouraging his exercising, having him eat healthy food, that kind of stuff.
Something went terribly wrong months before the Hantavirus. Until the Covid lockdown, they had been seen around town regularly. Whether she didn’t want anyone else in the house or maybe she was dealing with depression/mental illness, we’ll never know.
Piggy backing on your comment and others, it would not surprise me at all if it was spoken or unspoken that he desired to be at home indefinitely, period. It would also not surprise me if they never really had a conversation on his future (being very specific) and didn’t plan for any of their situation as it unfolded. It would not surprise me as well that she thought she was capable of doing or organizing whatever he needed over the years (and their property) and his situation and the house could have been the result of a subtle “creep”-like progression, over a long time. One crisis is all that’s needed to knock the dominos down.
My father passed away 10 years ago and mother recently passed away at age 90. They were very resistant to having any conversation around planning for living arrangements regarding their mobility/health issues as they aged. My parents were intelligent people but had so much denial and fear about their future. And that was with having several children who wanted to assist.
Since God only knows what happened in terms of the progression of his physical, mental health, what they actually discussed, agreed to (or not) regarding what he needed and what toll this took on her, I am just going to have a lot of compassion for them. My parents were both incredibly stubborn on different points for the last few years of their respective lives.