Scrubs

#31
[to an annoying patient]
Dr. Cox: Okay, think of what little patience I have as, oh, I don't know, your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends, well, he dropped by and he brought a copy of About Last Night and a four-pack of Bartels & James and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever - just like my patience is now.
Jill Tracy: So you do scary little speeches. How adorable.




Dr. Kelso: [after wanting rounds back] Dr. Cox, could I talk to you for a second?
Dr. Cox: Okay, Bobbo. But you're just gonna have to put your hand up like the other interns.
Dr. Kelso: Please?
Dr. Cox: Come on now, Bobbo. You've got five good ones right there. Just put 'em in the air like you just don't care.
Dr. Kelso: Get here right now!




Dr. Cox: I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five Man Cards. Hold them very dear, because every time you drop the ball, man-wise, I'm going to take one from you.
J.D.: I don't need your approval, or your stupid Man Cards! Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?
Dr. Cox: [snatching one of the cards] Thank you.
J.D.: Dammit!




Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and give you back one of these Man Cards. You deserve it.
J.D.: Wow... Wanna hug?
Dr. Cox: [taking the card back] You held on to it as long as you could, didn't you?




Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
[points at each of the women]
Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
Todd: What's up, doll?
Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.




Dr. Kelso: I'm being honored tonight by the Board of Trustees, and they asked me to say a few words.
Dr. Cox: Oh! Yawn.
Dr. Kelso: Anyway, I would like you to be the one who introduces me.
Dr. Cox: Wow! Seriously?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah!
Dr. Cox: Not interested.
Dr. Kelso: I didn't ask if you were interested.
Dr. Cox: Bob, I deeply dislike you. Honestly, it keeps me up at night.
Dr. Kelso: Well, then, use that passion! Put that rage on the page!
Dr. Cox: Here's an idea: Why not use Big Chief Flop-Sweat, here?
Dr. Kelso: [coldly] Ted's not an impressive man.
Ted: Hey...! That - Ah, he's right.




Todd: That was really big of you to take the blame for Elliot. Just yesterday I really wanted to spank her.
Chris Turk: Why, did she mess up a patient for you, too?
Todd: No.




Carla: Who put my stapler on the floor?
[as she bends over to pick it up, Todd peeks from the corner]
Todd: [sing-song] Thong!
[Carla slaps him]
Todd: Face five. Oh, yeah!




[referring to a huge influx of patients because of a news report on E.coli]
J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV induced panic there is - poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, Monkeypox, pop rocks, toilet snakes, Mad Cow, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, and quite frankly every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicated with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this - narrow it down to two symptoms; vomiting and diarrhea. Cause it's just not E.coli unless [walking away, miming] it's firing out of both exits.
J.D.: [to Elliot] Certainly hope I don't have Dog Flu.




Todd: So, once you've got the hole at the bottom of the popcorn box, it's basically just a waiting game.
Doug: And for the record, that technique does not work with hot nachos.




Janitor: [Dr. Cox took Janitor's camera and ripped out the film] Hey, all my pictures were in there. Dead patient with fancy shirt, dead patient without fancy shirt, me in fancy shirt being yelled at by angry family.




J.D.: Oh my God, the janitor's afraid of Carla! How can I use this to my advantage?
[Cut to a fantasy where Carla is confronting the janitor]
Carla: Listen, I want you to lay off J.D.! Stop accusing him of things he didn't do. And bring him a fruit smoothie every day!
Janitor: [In Spanish] Would he like strawberry or banana?
Carla: [In Spanish] ... Purple tree car with cheese.
Janitor: [In Spanish] LIAR!
[He removes her mask, revealing J.D]
J.D.: Feliz Navidad...
[He retreats. Cut back to reality]
J.D.: I'd have to learn Spanish.





 
#32
Dr. Kelso: Perry, what's our plan of attack?
Dr. Cox: When I crush a person's spirit, I like to use a combination of intimidation and degradation.
Dr. Kelso: I prefer to create an environment in which the subjects end up crushing themselves.
Dr. Cox: [intrigued] Uh-huh.
Janitor: [while JD is coming up behind the Janitor] I like to pick one person and torment them relentlessly for no reason. If I could find them, I'd show you.
[JD sneaks away while ominous music plays] He's near...




Dr. Cox: Boy oh boy, does it look like you pissed off the wrong guy there, crunchy! And trust me, he'll make ya pay.
Dr. Clock: Oh, Dr. Kelso's all bluster. Underneath it all, I'll bet he's a sweetheart.
Dr. Cox: No no, underneath it all, he is pure evil.
Dr. Clock: Perry, no one's pure evil! I mean, yes, some people have a hard outer shell, but inside, everybody has a creamy center.
Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people, here, on this particular planet who are hard on the outside and on the inside!
Dr. Clock: So they'd have more of a nougaty center?
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings. But I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.
Dr. Clock: [rubbing Dr. Cox's stomach and speaking in a sing-song voice] I'm touching your creamy center!




J.D.: Mr. Daniels, some fluid has gathered in your heart, so I'm going to schedule a pericardial centesis and drain it with a needle.
Mr. Daniels: Someone's going to stick a needle in my chest?
J.D.: Not just someone; Dr. Daman
Mr. Daniels: Who's Dr. Daman?
J.D.: ...Say it - -say it without the Dr.
Mr. Daniels: Who's Mr. Daman
J.D.: No, just say the last name.
Mr. Daniels: Who's Da Man?
J.D.: I'M THE MAN!
[laughs]
J.D.: It was awesome - it was fun doing that with you.




Carla: Dr Cox... why is your mouth red?
Dr. Cox: Duct tape, two hours in a morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story.




Dr. Kelso: [drunk at Turk and Carlas wedding reception] Ahh, Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name!
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?
Dr. Kelso: [to Carla] ... and Mrs. Turkleton! The Turkletons! Hehehe...
[to bartender] Give me a scotch.




[mimicking Dr. Cox in front of him]
J.D.: [whistles] Here's the deal, Eleonore. We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy. So while drop an NG2 and do a gastric lavage, why don't you go ahead and get an order order on EKG with cardio-bio-markers? If you need to know where those are, they are on page 37 of the Ann Teller catalogue, right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater you wanted for so long but haven't had the courage to order, because you worried the weave is so thin, your nipples just might go ahead and peak their pink selves through! Isn't that right, Dr. Cox? Dr. Cooox!
Dr. Cox: [mimicking the J.D. daydream stare] Uhm, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets.


 
#33
[standing up for Carla]
Chris Turk: Dr. Kelso, how is it that you had an ambulance take you to your dinner reservation last night just so you didn't lose it?
Dr. Kelso: How do you know that?
Chris Turk: Because I'm the homeboy you screamed at to get my ghetto-mobile of the road.




[a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
Dr. Cox: Yeah.




Dr. Kelso: Hey, guess what has two thumbs and *still* doesn't give a crap?
[Points at his face with his thumbs]
Dr. Kelso: Bob Kelso! I think we've met...




[to J.D., after he asks for help]
Dr. Cox: Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber (in a sing-song voice)Thiessen. I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call Perry's Perspective. 1. If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, i should be allowed to kill him. 2. I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left, and it would be called Bring Back The Porn. 3rd, and most important, to be respected as a doctor, nay a man, you must me an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, (looks over and speaks to a cadaver rolling by) isn't that right spike? My point is, and you may want to jot this down... only the weak need help.
J.D.: I should have that tattoed on my neck.




Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk.
J.D.: *****es and Hos.




Dr. Cox: [whistles] Let's go, field trip.
Turk: I got things to do, you know.
[still, he follows Dr. Cox]
Dr. Cox: Let me guess, you're off to another funeral. I'll make you a deal: you come with me right now, and if you're still late for the graveyard, I will personally scour the obituaries with you this weekend and you can just go nuts!
Turk: Carla put you up to this?
Dr. Cox: No, it was my idea. I desperately want to be close with you, I just can't figure out how to connect. Turn around.
[Turk gives him a look]
Dr. Cox: [firm] Turn around.
[Turk does turn around, and the two look into the observation window of a patient in the I.C.U. The family is gathered around the bed as Dr. Wen speaks to them]
Dr. Cox: You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong, and that patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry - and then he's going back to work. Do you think anybody else in that room's going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves; that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun. We do it so we can get by. And... sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing.




[Carla has stood up for JD against Dr Cox]
Dr. Cox: Oh, and Ginger, by the way - just a real smooth move runnin' to your mommy.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, your mommy cah-rushed me today. I'm serious.
[to the various doctors and patients in the busy hospital]
Dr. Cox: Uh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious. FYI, JD's mommy has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want her daughter picked on. Nothing mean, she's a precious flower, and we should all be super-nice to her.


 
#34
Todd: Why won't any women talk to me?
Attractive nurse: Because you're slimy and you turn everything into a double entendre.
Todd: I do not.
[Attractive nurse leaves, Todd stares at Turk]
Chris Turk: Go ahead.
Todd: I'd like to double her entendre.




[Elliot can't find an apartment]
Carla: How you doing?
Elliot: I'm exhausted. I mean, I'm just one person. At least Turk has you to pick up the slack when it gets too bad.
Carla: You'd think so.
[Elliot's cell phone rings but she ignores it]
Carla: Aren't you gonna answer that?
Elliot: Nah, that's just Todd. He keeps calling me and asking if I want to move into his pants.




Chris Turk: Let's play Steak.
J.D.: What?
Chris Turk: Steak. The first person to finish their steak is the winner of Steak.




Dr. Cox: You know, Bob, I've been thinking of all the times you manipulated me and toyed with me and I can't help but recall that children's fable about that race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass-chief-of-medicine-that-everybody-hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him, but right at the end... oh, gosh I'm sure you remember what happened Bob, the tortoise bit clean through the Chief of Medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive right there on the racetrack. It's a disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me nonetheless.
Dr. Kelso: Buzzy, buzz, buzz...
Dr. Cox: I... beg your pardon?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, uh, that's the sound of all the bees in your bonnet. And, Perry, even though I could give a rat's ass, I still think it's a pretty sound!




Dr. Kelso: She likes to joke that I choked the last breath of life out of her long ago, and now she's just a shell of a woman. I think that's so cute... I called her Shelley. You know, when I call her that, sometimes she laughs so hard she cries.




Dr. Cox: Well, gosh - I guess I became a doctor because ever since I was a little boy, I just wanted to help people. I don't tell this story often, but I remember when I was seven years old, one time I found a bird that had fallen out of its nest, and so I picked him up and I brought him home, and I made him a house out of an empty shoebox.
[starts laughing]
Dr. Cox: I became a doctor for the same four reasons that everybody does - chicks, money, power and chicks.



Dr. Kelso: [on phone in his office] Yes, Enid, I hear Baxter growling, but the fact is, you ventured into his side of the house!
[listens, smiling]
Dr. Kelso: Baring his teeth, huh?... OK, now here's whatcha do... Are you ready?
[pauses, smiling]
Dr. Kelso: Make a sudden move!
[barks, growls and screams are heard from the phone. Kelso hangs up, chuckling]
Dr. Kelso: Ahh, those two.




Ben: I think you've got yourself a Christmas card right there.
Jordan: Yeah, you're funny. Look, I don't understand why you refuse to put on a hospital gown?
Ben: [in English accent] Because I don't like people to see my bum.
Jordan: So wear underwear.
Ben: You know how I feel about underwear.
Jordan: Every girl who came to our house in the mid-eighties knows how you feel about underwear.
Ben: [laughs] The sweatpants years.
J.D.: I don't like that much freedom down there. It makes me tingle in my giblets.




J.D.: I just Marcia Brady'd your ass.
Turk: What the hell are you talking about?
J.D.: Like in the episode of the Brady Bunch where Marcia gets Jan a job, then Marcia gets fired cos they like Jan better...
Turk: Season 5, Episode 3, Marcia gets creamed. Don't ever question me on the Bunch.




[about J.D]
Dr. Cox: Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?
Carla: Oh, he got off your leash?
Dr. Cox: [laughing] Give me a break. The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Dr. Cox: Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second...
[hits the table]
Dr. Cox: ...and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.
[whispering remorsefully]
Dr. Cox: God save me, it was barely out of the box.
[Carla continues to stare at him]
Dr. Cox: The point is... Newbie is my drunk baby.




[Dr. Cox has been berating people after learning that his girlfriend slept with most of doctors to sell medicine]
Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. So my girlfriend serviced most of the staff? I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.
Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife...
Dr. Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?
Carla: I will if you will.
[Cox breaks down laughing]
Dr. Cox: Well... dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of you to be mad at you.




[Elliot and Carla treat Maggie, a patient who wants to loose her virginity before dying]
Maggie: Don't people sometimes pay for sex?
Elliot: Oh, boy, do they. I slept with Jenny Johnson's older brother in high school, and then he decided to tell all of his friends what my orgasm face looked like. Then three of them posed like that for their yearbook photos! Paid for that one for years.
Carla: Elliot, I think she means pay money for sex.
Elliot: Oh, I got a story about that, too. Not about me, though, my mom... She gets lonely.






 
#35

J.D.: [voice over] I guess what they say is true the people you work with really do become your family. Like your brother, and your sister in law,
[shot of Turk and Carla] or that cousin you have funny feelings for
[shot of Elliot], and the crazy angry uncle everyone sort of hopes isn't coming this year.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, If you want you can come down here and hang out with...
Dr. Cox: Nobody talk, just drink.
J.D.: Ah uncomfortable silences and alcohol... just like Thanksgiving at home.




Elliot: What are you doing in here?
Janitor: It's... the men's room.
Elliot: I know! I mean, it's not like I thought those were some kind of new female urinals, and then... tried them, and found them... oddly comfortable...




Chris Turk: I don't understand it. This wedding is supposed to be about us - how come I can't be comfortable?
Carla: And I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you are not wearing sweats!




[the Janitor is running the hospital PA announcement system]
Janitor: [over PA] Dr. Dorian, Dr. Turk is free for his rectal exam. He said you'd know what that means.
[J.D. and Turk give each other a horrified look, and run off in opposite directions]




Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, I need to get Enid a birthday present.
Elliot: Ahh! When's her birthday?
Dr. Kelso: I think it was last week.
Elliot: Um... well, a scarf is always nice.
Dr. Kelso: That's perfect. It's simple; it's elegant; and it'll hide her turkey neck.




Dr. Kelso: When the Kelsonoviches settled in Monroeville, P.A., there were two steel mills, three bars, not a doctor in sight. Then, my old man set up a shingle and started delivering babies and stitching up three-fingered steel men by the wagon-load.
[smiling] Everybody loved him. When they couldn't come up with the cash, he would always gladly accept a handmade sweater or a bushel of turnips.
[smile withers] Jackass.




Turk: It sounds like you're asking me out on a man date.
J.D.: Turk, why are you so afraid of loving me?





J.D.: Look, uh... Janitor...
[the Janitor rolls his eyes]
J.D.: ...I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
[the Janitor takes a second to process this answer]
Janitor: Uhhh...
J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What? Why?
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

 
#36
I remember describing Scrubs to someone at my gym as "like ER, but funnier."

It is, but I like sitcoms that have both serious and funny moments in it. (Titus did that, although the serious topics were a lot heavier than what was dealt with in Scrubs).


I think it's brilliant when sitcoms can do that.

I love when Dr. Cox is funny and sarcastic, but I also love when they show that he is human and he does have feelings.

I loved My New God.
Dr. Cox's sister arrives at the hospital. She's a born-again Christian who wants him to participate in his son's baptism. Perry, of course, wants nothing to do with it, and her for that matter.


Towards the end of the episode, In The Sun by Peter Gabriel is playing in the background. I love that song. They played it in Saved!, too.



Cox: But I don't see why you can't be there for the major events in Jack's life.
Paige: I'd love to see him turn three.
Cox: The major events, Paige: His graduation, his wedding, his divorce, and his funeral - the Big Four.




Paige: I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
J.D.: I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward but I wish something would break the tension.
Turk: (singing) Hallelujah, a brother's 'bout to have some sex...ha ha, I say, hallelujah a brother's 'bout to have some seeeeeeex!




Cox: Remind me again why you're having our son baptized?
Jordan: Oh, what do you care? You're not even going!
Cox: Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I'll just tell him it's all a lie when he gets home so he doesn't have any of those crazy nightmares.




Cox: Everyone, this is my sister, Paige. Paige, I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about.
Kelso: Ahh! Here for the baptism! I remember my son Harrison's big day. All of us laughing at him in his frilly little baptism dress. Heh. Well, we're not laughing anymore. Harrison's a poofter... Bob Kelso.




J.D.: Hi, I'm J.D. I'm sure Perry's spoken of me.
Paige: Noo...
J.D.: Nothing about taking a talented go-getter under his wing? Or being surrogate father to a boy who's lost his own? Nothing about that at all? I'm surprised, it's interesting to me, but okay.
J.D.'s Narration: Don't cry in front of people.
Paige: Perry and I don't talk much.
J.D.: Oh, they don't talk much, everybody! There's no talking in the family.
Cox: Rest assured, Newbie, even if we did talk from morning till night about all the big and tiny things that matter most to me -- the big being my son Jack, a cure for cancer, and the resurgence of the hard-shelled taco; the small-
Paige(Imitating): The small being my ex-wife, Jordan, wind energy, and a-ha-hall fruit-infused liquors - your name still would not have come up.




Paige: You know what used to drive Perry nuts as a kid? Every night we'd play Horse in the driveway, and I'd always kick his ass.
J.D.: Can Christians say "ass" now? I have a friend - Pat Casey - he called his mom an ass once? She hit him in the face with an iron! He still goes to church, but he can't whistle anymore.




J.D.: She's dynamite. How'd you end up with a born-again Christian sister?
Cox: I don't know. Maybe the T.V. was broken one day and she picked up the Bible and found it to be just a darn good read. Or maybe it had something to do with our mother's ability to watch silently as our dad drunkenly knocked us from room to room. Whatta you think there, Newbie?
J.D.: Probably the "room to room" thing.
Cox: Uh-huh.
 
#37
I also like My Lunch.


J.D attempts to get close to Dr. Cox by asking him out to lunch, which fails. J.D. follows Dr. Cox to a local store they run into an old patient, Jill Tracy, the most annoying person alive. At the same time there are three patients as Sacred Hart each waiting for an organ. One for a liver, one for a heart valve, and Dr. Cox's patient, a kidney. The next day J.D. runs into Jill again and is forced to sit through a lunch where she discusses how sad her life is. J.D. returns to the hospital to find Jill has overdosed, and downer for J.D. but still he is allowed to use her organs. Each one of the patients gets what they needed but thats not enough to help J.D's crushing guilt until Dr. Cox takes him out to lunch. When they return all the transplant patients are crashing. It turns out that Jill actually died of rabies, now the rest are infected. Each one of them dies, including Dr. Cox's patient. Dr. Cox leaves the hospital leaving J.D. wondering if he's ever coming back.


It's amazing how a simple thing like going (or attempting to go) to get lunch sets off this chain of events. And I like how you'd think that out of Jill's death, the patients will get the implants and that everything will be okay. Then they throw you for a loop and Dr. Cox once again shows that he's a human being.





Dr. Cox: God. Could this be anymore of a nightmare?
Jill: Guys!
J.D.'s monologue: Yes. It could be more of a nightmare. Jill Tracy was a former patient that had once tried to kill herself. Sad, yes. But this did not change the fact that she was unbelievable annoying.
Jill: Oh, my god. What are you doing here? I was supposed to meet a guy for a date. I know what you are thinking: a Tuesday lunch in a supermarket, he is not so into her. Well, he is not! (J.D. and Dr. Cox fake laugh) I waited like an hour, just thinking: How many more guys can totally reject me without saying 'enough'? You know. So, would you like to get some lunch.
J.D.: Oh, we have to get back to the hospital
Dr. Cox: You know what, Newbie? Stay, have lunch. (Cox runs quickly out of the store).




Dr. Cox: Once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault, my friend... that's a slippy slope but you can't comeback from it. Trust me, I've seen it ruin a hell a lot of good doctors, and I will not let it happen to you.
J.D.'s narration: And because he said that...I know it wouldn't.




Dr. Cox: So, now, Davey boy, I promise you we're going to find you a kidney. I would literally swear on my father's grave but whenever I go there I usually just end up dancing on it.




Dr. Cox: I dole out compliments, at most, once a year and, like a squirrel, you must gather up these acorns of kind words to sustain you for the upcoming cold, sarcastic months.
 
#38
For an episode that was completely different, I loved My Life In Four Cameras.



When J.D. meets a former writer from his all time favorite TV show "Cheers", he begins to picture his life at the hospital as a bland, multiple camera sitcom, where everything is perfect and wraps up nicely.
Back in reality, Cox is relunctant to fire an amiable cafeteria worker, while Turk and Carla struggle to keep their promise of constant romantic affection afloat.


Elliot: Wait a second! This chart isn't for Charles James, it's for James Charles! He's the one who has cancer, not you!
J.D.: And who cares about him! He's anti-Semitic!




Cox: Let's take a look at our other options. Gandhi? You appear to be a man that is utterly without talent. Unless, of course, you wanna count the fact that you are the twentieth-best basketball player in a predominately white hospital?
Cox: Jordan, your only skill is illegal in twenty-six states.
Jordan: It's twenty-seven. Arkansas buckled.
Cox: Carla, that makes you my girl. Hell, we could crank up the humidity and watch your hair explode, that'd be terrific.




J.D.'s Narration: Things were amazing with Kylie. But before I could get more emotionally invested, I needed answers to some questions that were very important to me.
J.D.: Name three spin-offs of the sitcom 'Happy Days'.
Kylie: 'Mork & Mindy', 'Laverne & Shirley', and 'Joanie Loves Chachi'.
Turk: You marry her. You marry her now! You marry her!
J.D.: Okay, okay, we passed Section One - "Sitcoms about or involving Asian-American diner owners." Now on to Section Two - "Fat, tubby T.V. husbands and the crazy-hot women that would never actually be married to them."




Dr. Cox: Unless all of you want to see me turn a two syllable word into a six syllable word I re-he-he-he-he-he-he-heally think that we should keep looking.
 
#42
^^I'm watching it. But I have to say that the "Poo" song was just a little too asinine for my taste. But I still love the show...just not sure about the musical episode yet.
 
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