I'm confused...what should i do with him?

bb10lue

bb10lue

Instagram: bb10lue
O.G.
May 8, 2006
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86
#1
Hi, guys, this is my first time posting a thread about my relationship, im extremely upset :sad:right now, i really need your helps!!

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 yrs, been living together for 1 yr, lately we have been arguing a lot...

Let me explain our living situation a bit first. We split out living cost to half and half, and have an arrangement for household work. He cooks and I do cleaning and laundries. Last night, we had a big fight, the reason for the fight you may think a bit immature--food. He was cooking dinner, and I saw he put butter in the dish. We had some similar arguments before, he knew how much i hated butter, i feel sick even when i smell it!!! After i complained about it, all the sudden he got so mad, and throw all the dishes into the garbage, said:" I like it!!! You are not a customer at my restaurant, I don't have to cook what you like!!You wanna complain my cooking?? Then do it yourself!! " I was shocked.....and upset....I didn't know if i had done anything wrong...

I went to talk to him, he got even madder, called my name and tried to push me:wtf:...

I've been crying a lot lately,theres just sooo many arguments (over little things), and soo many hateful words... I don't think Im HAPPY in this relationship... But I don't know if I'm brave enough to leave him, and we have a dog together, what should i do??
 
#2
If it ended up him just having a stink and throwing the dishes in the bin, I'd say give him time to cool off, discuss it and then let it go. All couples fight and his reaction could have possibly been the result of a bad day.

But the fact that he almost physically pushed you is a concern to me. Is this the first time he's done this? Bad day or not, he has ABSOLUTELY no right to put his hands on you. None at all. Any man that does this is not a man, but a coward. You should not put up with it as these things can escalate.

If you do want to leave him, then it will be hard, but we're all here for you. Good luck BB10lue. I don't have any advice for you as I've never been in that situation, but my thoughts are with you.
 
#3
Cal said:
But the fact that he almost physically pushed you is a concern to me. Is this the first time he's done this? Bad day or not, he has ABSOLUTELY no right to put his hands on you. None at all. Any man that does this is not a man, but a coward. You should not put up with it as these things can escalate.

If you do want to leave him, then it will be hard, but we're all here for you. Good luck BB10lue. I don't have any advice for you as I've never been in that situation, but my thoughts are with you.
Click to expand...

Thank you~ Cal!!!:love:

No, its not the first time he showed a violent side...:Push:, i remember there were two other times: He pushed me once, and one time he got so mad that he kicked the door and almost broke it (made a big hole)....:sad:
 
#4
Hon, if this the third time he's been violent then I really think that you might need to consider your own safety and get out. Do you have any friends or family nearby that you can go to?

No one should accept that kind of behaviour from anyone, let alone someone that "loves" you.

If you need to talk, then feel free to PM me. :hugs:
 
#5
This entry makes me tear up so much because I'm basically going through the same situation. Not the living situation and the arguments but the last part of your post, the fact that you don't think you're happy in the relationship and that you're not brave enough to leave (and even the dog part!) :crybaby:

I have no advice to give you because I'm still in my relationship and if I say anything, it'll seem hypocritical. I think we need to be strong together!


Cal, your words and advice is very touching! I'm going going to be subscribing to this thread so I can read all the replies.

good thoughts for you and your boyfriend bb10!
 
#6
it takes a certain type of commitment to be in a living relationship.... maybe u should think about if its better to be in a non-living relationship. If it comes to the point where u get upset at something like butter --- (if u hate it, does it mean that he has to hate it too?) definitely time to re evaluate your relationship and figure out what's best for u!
 
#8
Yes, i do..but i don't wanna worry them. Also, im going overseas on Wednesday for 3 weeks, maybe i can use the time to think things over. I love him, but i don't think its right the way he treats me.....:sad:
 
#9
I agree with the others. I could live with a dumb argument ending in getting mad, but the fact that he got physical (and that it's not the first time) is a huge red flag.

Living with somebody isn't always easy, and one really does need to learn to choose his or her battles in order to avoid huge fights about petty things. However, no fight should end in shoving or hitting or kicking the walls/door. If you want to stay with your boyfriend, I'd suggest some sort of counseling (or at least a sit-down talk) about communication - on both of your parts. Good luck with your decision!
 
#10
If he's hurting you then you need to leave! We all have bad days but no matter how mad he is with you, that's no excuse to get physical. All relationships have arguments, and it's always good to have a cool off before talking again. But as soon as he places a hand on you, you need to be brave and leave! I know it won't be easy, but a person who hurts you like that doesn't love or deserve you!

Hope it works out for you!
 
#11
bb10lue said:
Thank you~ Cal!!!:love:

No, its not the first time he showed a violent side...:Push:, i remember there were two other times: He pushed me once, and one time he got so mad that he kicked the door and almost broke it (made a big hole)....:sad:
Click to expand...

Run, dont walk away from this relationship. If he's acting this way only 2.5 yrs into the relationship its only going to get worse.
Sorry to hear you're going through this but you need to step outside the situation and see it for what it really is. You're going to be fine on your own, its just going to be hard to get used to not having a person around but you'll be ok. Set up dates with your g/f's and do lunch, dinner, a salad out or just for coffee. Try and keep yourself busy so you dont have time to think about what has gone on.

I wish you all the best.
 
#12
On one side you are arguing about little things, and that maybe means you both need to take a break from each other, you both run out of patience......
But the unacceptable is the violence......it is only going to get worst.
How old are you ?
Is it your first serious relationship ? Bc it´s often with experience that we come to realize fast what is not acceptable.....
 
#13
You really need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend about the problems that you have been having. Do I think you overreacted about the butter thing? Yes. Just because you don't like butter doesn't mean that he has to hate it too...and that also doesn't mean that he should adjust all meals just to revolve around your needs. If you didn't like what he was cooking, you could have cooked your own. You're a big girl.

How do you treat your boyfriend? Seriously, take a good look at how you treat him. Do you provoke him and pick at little things?

The both of you need to put all fights and annoyances aside and sit down and speak to eachother. Tell him how you are feeling without trying to get too emotional. And also let him talk to you about the way he's feeling, and hear him out. Don't interrupt. I've been through the "relationship talk" too many times that I've learned not to interrupt men when they speak about their emotions - because you most likely won't get it out of them again.

The fact that he has pushed you before and made an attempt to do it again is not right at all and it's important that he correct his behavior...But I also think it's important that if you do any of these things to him (lots of women do!) then you also need to correct your behavior.

I'd look into possibly couples counseling if you really want your relationship to work. You two are going pretty well if you're only having little fights :smile: Maybe you're starting to get in a rut and you both are frustrated at each other? Try doing something new and exciting once every 2 weeks or month. Maybe go on a spontaneous road trip for a day to a place you've both never been to before. Surprise him with a "night in", if you know what I mean :smile:
 
#14
>snip<
I don't think Im HAPPY in this relationship...[/quote]

To me this says it all. If you aren't happy, you really should think about your options. Fear should never keep you in any situation. I know change is scary but you have the support of your friends and the great advice of the PF members.
Life is way too short to stick yourself in a relationship that isn't working...good luck!
 
#15
If you have doubts about the relationship, that's a red flag if you are thinking about marriage. The pushing part bothers me. We've all blown up from time to time. But the pushing part is not cool. I hope you are able to use these three weeks to clear your head. Good luck. ~hugs~
 
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