What's the fuss over engagement rings?

may3545

may3545

Happy living
O.G.
Mar 15, 2006
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#1
I'm young (23) and in a serious relationship that is in talks of engagement. My bf has a great job as do I, but he lives modestly and hates my materialism in purses and shopping. He's from a small European country literally in a farm. It made me start to see how the desire for material things may not make me a better person even if I may look better having it.

So when I hear the costs for engagement rings, I get scared. A part of me wants the beautiful ring, but another part feels bad accepting something so expensive from someone who doesn't believe in spending so much. Why have a ring when you can invest in a house?

To you ladies, what does the engagement ring mean to you? What do you expect (or have) in quality, size, and price (please be honest)? I don't even know what I like, but looking at the websites and talking to friends, expectations are HIGH. my bf can easily afford a GORGEOUS HUGE ring, but I feel bad if he does! Should I?

I'm sorry if I don't make sense or sound immature. What matters is the relationship, so why the big fuss?:confused1:
 
#2
Hi, May3545!!!
You said something VERY wise, I think, and EXTREMELY mature for your age. You said "It made me start to see how the desire for material things may not make me a better person even if I may look better having it." Truer words have never been spoken!
But that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with enjoying a fabulous, gorgeous ring, as long as you understand that YOU ARE NOT THE SUM OF YOUR POSSESSIONS. As long as you remember that, then choose what YOU like.
Personally, I am in the middle. I like "nice" things, but I'm not really showy, yet it was still important to me to have something that made me feel special each time I looked down at my finger.
I went with my then fiance (now hubby) to pick out my ER. I chose it b/c for me, it was the perfect blend of beautiful, unique, and affordable.
I have a .75 round brilliant stone set in an Edwardian white gold setting with pavé around the gallery of the ring. It wasn't a fortune, either. It cost $4,100 USD before taxes.
This isn't my exact ring, but it's VERY similar to this:
http://www.faycullen.com/_pics/800/d1020r8d/4.jpg
http://www.faycullen.com/_pics/800/d1020r8d/6.jpg
Like you said before it's the RELATIONSHIP that counts.
Good luck in your decision and let us know what you pick!
 
#3
An engagement ring doesn't mean ANYTHING to me! I am engaged to the father of my baby and we will be getting married soon. Engagement rings are not customary here or where he is from and I wouldn't have felt comfortable accepting something like that.

I know that my boyfriend loves me very much and we know what we mean to eachother. I don't feel that I need a ring to show that I am "spoken for" and to state that I am planning on getting married.

I have nothing against people who choose to get engagement rings, I just don't feel that it's something that I must have :smile:
 
#4
Daniela7474 said:
This isn't my exact ring, but it's VERY similar to this:
http://www.faycullen.com/_pics/800/d1020r8d/4.jpg
http://www.faycullen.com/_pics/800/d1020r8d/6.jpg
Like you said before it's the RELATIONSHIP that counts.
Good luck in your decision and let us know what you pick!
Click to expand...

It's a beautiful ring! Thanks for your support. The ring, to some extent, does represent something and should not represent all of me and what we are. I'm happy just gazing at this promise band that we both have that we randomly found at a silver shop-- it's only a few bucks but we wear it every day.

I feel I have to let go of these cultural standards of what represents his love, and let him just show it in whatever way he feels is right, whether it's chocolate, a diamond, a purse (LOL riiiiiiight), or just a kiss.
 
#5
The original "engagement (or Promise to Marry) ring" was an emerald. It wasn't until the 30's in the US and England that diamonds became such a big deal, it was all due to great advertising on the part of DeBeer's and statements about how making a promise of love with a diamond was important because they were so "rare" and would last forever. I have a Canadian diamond, (guaranteed non-conflict) Royal Asscher cut in a platinum Harry Winston classic setting...it's nice but I would much rather have had an Emerald cut Emerald (but the stone I liked was almost 100,000.00). My DH was more insistant on the diamond than I was. When he proposed it was with an estate emerald ring in platinum but the ring is so delicate that I only wear it for nice occassions (it was owned by a woman in Arizona and worn daily, was given to her as a promise ring by her husband-they were married for 63 years). Go for what you like, it doesn't matter what stone or size, as long as it has sentimental value and you can look at it and be reminded of how much you are loved. My girlfreind has her and her DH's birthstones in a really cool twisted setting, she gets compliments on it like crazy and it reminds her of how their lives are intertwined...go for something that really means something and you'll always feel good about it and be happy with it! Good luck!
 
#6
I feel I have to let go of these cultural standards of what represents his love, and let him just show it in whatever way he feels is right, whether it's chocolate, a diamond, a purse (LOL riiiiiiight), or just a kiss.
Click to expand...

You're a sweetie! Don't listen to the diamond industry when they push the 'man should spend 3x's his monthly salary on a diamond' or anyone telling you that you need a 2 carat diamond from Tiffany. You have the best man by your side for the rest of your life and a ring is just a ring.
My husband chose my ring and surprised me with it. I'm glad he did it alone because I love it even more because of it. It's one carat, yellow gold with a matching band. My gf's all have over 2 carat platinum upgrades from their original rings and husband asked if I would like to upgrade for our 20th anniversary. I said no way, this ring is just too sentimental and has been with us through it all from day one.
You have a good head on your shoulders. I hope my son finds a sweetie like you.
 
#7
When we were married we could NOT afford a diamond ring (not the one I would have wanted anyway) LOL! SO... I was able to get a 2 carat citrine (100% natural) from an antique jewelry store in England. The ring is from sometime between 1780-1820. It's really old. I loved it because it was plain, original & I paid less than $500.00 for it. In the states I just went to a jewelry store at the mall & got a semi-eternity ring- looks like one- but the diamonds don't go ALL the way around. It was maybe $350.00. Both rings are done in 14kt yellow gold and the diamond band is very thin & delicate because I didn't want to over power the engagement ring. I asked my mother (who always seems to know the price of things) how much she though I spent on the engagement ring & her quess was $8,000-$10,000.00!!! She was shocked when I told her the real price! Just go with what you like. If you really want a big diamond tell your husband. If we could have afforded a big diamond I definitely would have done it. But, I love my ring & would NEVER upgrade. But, that doesn't mean I wouldn't take a nice rock for my right hand! LOL! Someday...maybe!

Talk about it w/ your husband & explain how you feel about it. I would definitely say GET what you LIKE, especially if you can afford it!

Good Luck!!!

Just think... diamonds usually go up in value, you'll have it forever & it will probably always be in your family!
 
#8
If I were in your shoes, I would not bring up the whole idea of a big ring. You already know how your fiancee feels about spending that much money, and it sounds to me like you agree that your money could be spent for much bigger things such as a house. If your fiancee wants to do the ring thing, let it be his idea. If you press the issue, it would only detract from the joy of what the ring signifies. He may already have plans to present you with a huge diamond. I would let the ball be in his court on this one. Oh, about my engagement ring, we didn't have much money AT ALL. My then bf borrowed $50 from his Grandmother and asked me to marry him with a ruby (my birthstone) and small diamond ring that he bought at Wal-Mart. I still have that ring and it means more to me than my current wedding set that he bought me on our 15th anniversary. We've been married 17 years this May and I'll never love another ring more.
 
#9
Idk. On one hand, being the high designer purse and jewelry person that I am, I do think that it's an engagement ring--something that will last a lifetime, something to treasure, so therefore it can be big and expensive, but also it really is the thought that counts. Even if it doesn't have a diamond on it at all, or its just a sparkly silver band (equally as good) the point is that he's asking you to marry you, and you remember him when you look at the ring and how he bought it for you. The point is hes asking you to marry you, and I'd see the ring as truly beautiful (even if it really isnt) if someone asked me to marry him. I dont know if that makes sense to you or not, but just the fact that hes asking you to marry him might make the ring seem beautiful.
 
#10
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and comments! It does seem that the engagement has become commercialized, and I myself have become sucked into it. All I care about is being with the one I love and to commit myself to him and vice versa. Maybe I'm a romantic. You are all right to say that the fact that someone asks you to marry him is something enough to show their love and commitment. Thanks again!
 
#11
I don't even know how common engagement rings american style is in Europe (I know they're not very common, or at all, around here at least, it may be very different in other parts), but if he's not used to the idea of a grand ring that may explain some of his resentment?
 
#13
To me and my SO, an engagement ring means alot. I currently have little-over a 1 carat round solitaire stone mounted on a 1 carat micro pave halo band.

SO plans on uprgrading my stone to a 2 or 2.5 carat size within the next year or two.

If a 'traditional' engagment ring isn't your thing, think of alternative things.

For example, I have a 1 carat eternity band that I wear when I am riding my horse/quad/etc etc and I love it! Very simple and elegant looking.

Good luck! Just remember that the most important thing is that you and SO are happy...the engagement ring takes a back seat when you compare it to how you and your SO feel about each other! :smile:
 
#14
I really think some men WANT to buy big expensive rings (luckily I married one such man...;) ). I notice I get more compliments from men on my ring than from women. I think it's a ego thing for so many men. They want everyone to know that their wife is taken and it's also an expression of how well the do in their work that they can afford it.

I've actually been to a dinner recently where I was the only female and the guys started bragging amongst themselves about how big their wives' diamonds were. ROFLMAO
 
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