What do you guys think?

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marialc121

marialc121

O.G.
Sep 25, 2010
929
287
#1
I was talking to a GF of mine the other day and I wanted to share my joy in the beautiful engagement ring that my dear BF and I chose. She seemed quite appalled by the idea that I had a say in choosing the ring. She felt that it should be a surprise and that it's acceptable to give subtle hints of what you like but not physically choosing the ring.

I personally think it was sweet for my BF to initiate the idea of choosing the ring together because he's quite aware that he doesn't know much about jewelry and design. :p He loved the idea that this was like a "project" that we were doing together and even asked me what's our next project since now we are done with the ring shopping.

So I thought this would be an interesting topic to bring up. I'd like to see what do you guys think? :graucho:
 
#2
I had the same reaction from my friends. Most common were these comments: "Don't you want to be surprised?" "Isn't he supposed to pick it?" "Why do you want to know?" "Doesn't that ruin it?" "How is he going to propose?"

My boyfriend and I both decided to choose the ring together. We liked the idea of us doing it together. That way he won't worry about me not liking it and just settling for something. Our friend just got engaged and she isn't happy with her ring because it sits too high for her taste but doesn't have to the heart to tell the fiance. My bf didn't want that to be me. I would have loved anything he got but he wanted to give me my dream ring.

Also, I was able to do the research, which he really isn't savvy about, and seek out the best deal. I didn't want him being ripped off at all and he even admitted that he wouldn't have done as good a job alone as we did together. An engagement ring is not a small purchase and I have no plans to upgrade so it was important that it be something that we both will enjoy seeing for the rest of our lives. We wanted each other to have a part in the ring.

And just logistically, we live and work together so there wasn't many chances for him to go and buy it without me knowing.

Your next project will be the wedding bands! That's what we moved onto.
 
#3
I really don't understand what makes others think it's their business how we do things :shrugs:

We picked out a ring together because SO was not jewelry savvy.. He's pretty good with picking pieces and I probably would love anything he picked out but he wanted to make sure it was THE ring... especially it being one of the biggest and important purchases he's made besides his house and car! He didn't want to get one resized to find that it didn't fit me perfectly or I didn't like it when he proposed... We ended up picking a ring that I never thought I would love!

I've also been asked "Why don't he propose first.. then go ring shopping together?" What's the difference?? I still don't know when he's actually popping the question? To me, that's the more important surprise to look forward to!!
 
#4
I do feel that times have changed somewhat concerning the whole "e-ring/proposal/wedding" thing.

Women are becoming more involved & seem to have a strong sense of what they want in an engagement ring. When I got engaged, I was just happy to be a "fiancee". I won't lie & say I wasn't thinking about a ring (I was), but I certainly wasn't involved in the process the way many women are today.

I am in awe of the women today who know exactly what they want in a ring. I think that's amazing. And if YOU & your FIANCE are on the same page in the whole process (who proposes, planning a wedding before an engagement, choosing a ring....buying your OWN ring), who really gives a flying.....well.......what others think, right?

At the end of the day, your fiance(e) most likely wants you to be happier than you've ever been & will do everything possible within allowable limits to make that happen. That's what matters.
 
#5
i dont think there are any rules for this, just what is acceptable to each couple.

i trust my DHs judgement when it comes to things like this but i also know that sometimes a ring may be gorgeous but just not suit me. when we started looking at rings, i wanted an emerald cut but upon trying on a few found that they just dont suit my hand. he said that he wanted to choose THE ring, i said i wanted to be sure it suited so we compromised and we literally looked at hundreds of rings, chose 3 contenders and i left it up to him to choose the one (which may or may not have been one of the 3) so it would still be a suprise. i knew which one i loved (a yellow diamond) but didn't want to influence his decision so didnt say anything, he ended up choosing it anyway!:love:

he has literally just bought an upgrade/ baby present for me, even though i kept telling him not to, and i have no idea what he has chosen but i'm quite sure that i will love it. my BF has seen it and loves it, my only requirements were that it be "big and sparkly" :p
 
#6
Here is a suggestion - he can 'propose' with an inexpensive promise ring of his choice - then go shop for your e-ring together. It's you who is going to wear it full time after all......Congrats on your engagement!!!

(Personally, I think it's a matter of level of comfort in a relationship and whether a girl wants to be 'surprised')
 
#7
Yeah, I got that response as well. In the end, my happiness was the utmost importance to my DF and since he was spending so much money on the ring, he wanted to make sure he did it right and got me what I wanted. About 90% of the girls we know who were surprised with a ring ended up resetting it and he didn't want that.

Even though picking out the ring together might not have been very romantic nor a surprise, it happens to be one of the most memorable things we've done together!
 
#9
I recently got engaged and was actively involved in shopping and selecting my ring and stone. This was the best thing for us personally, as I had quite a specific idea of what I wished for, and for my DF the most important thing was granting my wish! Working together meant it was a process we could both enjoy, because there was no pressure on him. It's such a significant purchase both symbolically and financially so why not make sure it's something you will treasure for a very long time?

Enjoy your ring and your fiancé and ignore your friend's small mindedness!
 
#10
DH and I picked out my ring together as well. For me the surprise was WHEN he was going to ask me. Knowing what the ring looked like in advance wasn't a big deal for me at all and didn't take anything away from our engagement. Everyone has their own idea of how they would like for things to happen. If you and your fiance are happy that is ALL THAT COUNTS!!
 
#11
My husband would never dare to do something like that alone. I am the one wearing it, and I should be the one choosing it. I narrowed down stones and he selected from what I narrowed down to, but the s etting he already knew.

I don't think it's unromantic, I think it's smart and practical. I am not into the whole "surprise proposal" scenario, as far as the ring is concerned.
 
#13
^ Agreed. It is ridiculous what other people think is their business! Even my father took my mother browsing for rings so he could get an idea what she liked before he bought a ring and proposed, so it isn't an unusual thing to do (they would have been married 43 years now, had my father not passed away). My DH took me to look at rings, too, and I chose what I wanted.

The point is that no option is "right" or "wrong" because different couples do things different ways. What makes YOU happy is the right thing for you!
 
#14
I mean, isn't the big picture the important thing?
2 people in love professing their love and commitment in front of family, friends, or whatever?
There's not 1 right way to get somewhere.
 
#15
I got the same response. Some would say, "It's not as romantic!" "Why would you want to be involved. It is the man's job." I have to say that the people who made these comments were not engaged/married or even close to the idea. To me, marriage is an adult decision that needs to discussed. I also am not one for surprises, so I felt no need to be surprised.

I think you should enjoy the experience of shopping for your ring together, and do not listen to others. They may be jealous of your place in life. :smile1:
 
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