Upgrade ring DH says no...but I WANT IT /emo whine

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pheebs

pheebs

O.G.
Apr 3, 2008
528
0
#1
Hi all,
I have seen the most perfect upgrade engagement ring and I really want it but DH says he'll be offended if I replace my original engagement ring.....gah!

We are by no stretch wealthy and my original ring is small and sweet
.1 carat princess cut in a 9ct white gold tension setting.

I'd love to buy this as an upgrade

.3 carat princess cut tension set in platinum for £495 which is a bargain, it's pre owned but from a reputable jewellery shop in my city.

I know I have to respect DH's wishes but *sulk* we have a little spare money and the upgrade ring is identical to mine apart from the diamond size and setting metal, part of me thinks he'd never notice if I did buy it and wear it....another part of me thinks I could buy it and swap every morning when I leave the house..

I'll stop whining and get over myself, I have a DH and a beautiful daughter and we are healthy and happy and surely these are the important things in life? So why can't I stop thinking about that ring, and why am I secretly disappointed that I will never be able to change my e ring.

No advice needed, but a sympathetic hug would be nice...or just tell me to stop whining!!
 
#3
LOL... I have the exact same problem!! We've been married 5 years and I do love mine, but unfortunately the wedding band (I chose) is an eternity band with claw setting diamonds all around and really started irritating my finger to the point where I have to take them off every night (ever since I had my daughter and have had to wash my hands so often!) I kind of approached him about altering my engagement ring (white gold solitaire) just to INCLUDE (not even upgrade!) my wedding band diamonds (so change the setting essentially but keep the .95 ct diamond) and he TOTALLY sulked and said "I took a lot of time picking that out... I'd rather you didn't." ??? So weird. I mean I'm not sure how I'd feel about trading the actual diamond away (I'm sentimental too and would more likely save it for one of my two little girls) but what could be wrong with putting all the diamonds on one ring and getting a plain simple wedding band to go with it? I found the setting I love and everything! But for now I think it's just a dream - he's kind of made it clear he'll sulk and sulk so I guess I'm stuck!

I know, it's hard to get something out of your mind once it's in there... I finally bought my VCA alhambra necklace and there's no way I can tell him how much it really cost but I didn't care!! It can become an obsession!!

I don't know if that helps much but I feel your pain!!
 
#5
Pheebs~

I've been married for almost 30 years! :nuts: And my DH would have been upset years ago but, now he could care less. I buy most of my own jewelry at this point because he and I have different tastes and he seems to buy what he likes. So unless our kids tell him exactly "Mom wants this.." It is always an interesting suprise to see what he has bought.

I had my origonal diamond (about .75) re-set twice over the years, Once for our 10th anniv. and once more when I turned 35; and that one is yellow gold. Luckily enough my dear MIL gave me her diamond about 8 years ago after my FIL passed away. She said she wanted to see me wear it and not have a problem after she passed away....she is now 84 and going strong! The diamond is gorgeous and from the 1940's so the cut and clarity are amazing; that one is 1.30ct. I had that re-set in a Scott Kay style setting with a band to match as soon as she gave it to me. But now....I want to re-sert it. I want The setting that is 3 stones but with sapphires on each side as me and my Mom are both September babies. So that when my daughter get's it, she'll have something from the 3 of us.

The reason I'm telling you all this is to show that maybe you need to wait for a big event like a milestone anniversary or birthday. If you are keeping your first stone; you can have it made into a pendant or right hand ring with coloured stones. Maybe if you approach it like that your hubby will be more amenable to the resetting and new diamond. Also, and I saw this on CNN ~ that a lot of people are buying gemstones and jewelry as investments as they hold their value so well. That's another angle to try.
BTW...showing my ignorance here....what is the VCA Alhambra necklace? I've never seen it.

Well, good luck to you. hang in there hubby will either come around or if you wait long enough he will just give up!!
 
#6
Thanks QC, we're coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary this summer so hopefully I've got many years to try and convince him! I think I was literally bedazzled to see the perfect ring at such a great price and it really is an identical setting, it's not that I don't love the style he chose for me...just I'd kinda like to improve it :)

Congratulations on your many happy years with your DH.
 
#8
I feel your pain. I am in the throws of this right now. My DH bought me a lovely 1.07 carat D Flawless Round brilliant, excellent cut. its lovely. I love the stone. But the setting is a traditional 6 prong platinum tiffany setting. I am turning 40 this year and I told him I wanted it reset. He kind of sulked but after 10 years together, he knows better. This is your ring. You will wear it everyday. You have to do what makes you feel good. Best of luck and keep us posted!!!!
 
#9
I am almost tempted to buy it then work on convincing him, £495 really is a good price for that ring. I know it's not comparable to some of your beautiful whoppers, but I think this forum is great because we are all enthusiastic about each others pieces regardless of size or price.
 
#10
Before joining tPF I had never heard of people upgrading their engagement/wedding rings:shame: but I do understand that it is "common practice" in some parts of the world.

I guess that your DH wants you to keep your engagement ring as that very ring represents something special. Would it be impossible for you to get a nice ring to wear on your right hand? In that way you would make your DH happy by keeping your engagement ring but you would also get a little bit more "bling" to wear on your hand.
 
#11
Pheebs~
As a true jewelry addict I must admit I have done that many times. Like I said, at this point in our marraige~he has given up!

Selena~
ITA about you being the one wearing the ring everyday. And just like our tastes change in clothing or furniture, they also change in jewelry. There...I just thought of another reason!!
 
#12
TBH I think it would be wrong to buy another ring and change it when you aren't with him, personally I would respect my DH's wishes and be happy with what he'd bought for me.

You never know a few years down the road you may be able to get something even better, what then.....another ring!
 
#13
I wanted to upgrade my center stone on my ering but DH was set against it. I ended up selling my Birkin that I honestly never carried and used that money toward a bigger, better diamond. DH was relieved that he didn't have to pay for it and, in the end, my ring didn't look any different at all, just a larger center stone. Maybe work out some sort of compromise such as this?
 
#14
Aww, it's OK to whine. But don't let yourself become bitter. It's just a ring. You love your DH more, and that ring you have has a lot of sentimental value to him. Maybe later down the road you can buy that ring for yourself as a "right hand" ring.
 
#15
I think you should keep what you have and be happy with it. It's about the meaning, not the actual ring. Remember, that diamond is just a symbol.

Besides, like the others have said, maybe you can get an upgraded ring for your 10 year and wear it on your right hand.
 
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