How do you justify buying jewelry with your partner?

[sparklebunny]

My DH is quite expressive and reactive to everything. I used to show and tell him what I am thinking about purchasing next, but I realized his initial shock and reaction only made me feel guilty about wanting to purchase luxury jewelry, even though his intent is not to make me feel this way.

I learned it’s best to go ahead and purchase it, then show him later, or let him see it when I wear it . Then it becomes a fun guessing game of the price for him . It also helps that he can see the item in person instead of some photo from a website.

He is financially stable with a handful of business ventures and has people in his circle who spend ridiculously more than I do on jewelry. I only buy 1-2 luxury jewelry pieces per year, using my own source of income. I remind him that I was purchasing my own luxury jewelry & goods long before I met him. He knows I never impulse buy - I give it a lot of thought and do any necessary research before making such a purchase.

My MIL adores any jewelry I purchase/wear. My parents don’t care, and my only sibling gives me a hard time about it which is funny given my sibling is the highest paid individual in our families.

I’d also agree that seeing jewelry in person makes a huge difference—photos don’t do justice to certain items (or sometimes things appear better in pictures than in real life).

It’s better to see things up close for the details and how it appears on the wearer.

My final update here:

My husband and I went back to Cartier to take another look at the small Love bracelet. It’s really so stunning in person, and I like that the smaller version has a more delicate appearance but is still strong enough to make a statement on its own.

It’s funny because I wasn’t originally looking to get a Love at all (I was more interested in the small JUC)—but when I put on the Love, we both knew immediately that this was our favorite item. Moreover, my husband insisted on getting me this as our wedding anniversary gift, which was touching. I didn’t even ask!

Thanks to everyone who joined in this thread and offered their thoughts!!

 

[sunshineshiney]

My final update here:

My husband and I went back to Cartier to take another look at the small Love bracelet. It’s really so stunning in person, and I like that the smaller version has a more delicate appearance but is still strong enough to make a statement on its own.

It’s funny because I wasn’t originally looking to get a Love at all (I was more interested in the small JUC)—but when I put on the Love, we both knew immediately that this was our favorite item. Moreover, my husband insisted on getting me this as our wedding anniversary gift, which was touching. I didn’t even ask!

Thanks to everyone who joined in this thread and offered their thoughts!!

YAYYYY, I’m so happy for you!!!! You have to share a photo soon . Wishing you and your DH a very happy anniversary!

 

[sparklebunny]

YAYYYY, I’m so happy for you!!!! You have to share a photo soon . Wishing you and your DH a very happy anniversary!

You’re extremely kind and thank you!! Sharing a pic

 

[WingNut]

I’m my family’s breadwinner and technically control our finances, but my DH and I discuss all purchases and I mean ALL purchases together as a couple. We’ve been married for 17 years. Our open communication is key. Just because I make the bread doesn’t mean that I don’t include him when buying luxury goods. We make all financial decisions together as a couple. We both need that transparency. And as a woman breadwinner who controls finances, I make sure that he is involved with every purchase over a certain amount, as I would appreciate that if the roles were reversed. We will allot funds for him to surprise me on occasion, though. Basically I give him a wishlist, set the budget, and then he pulls the trigger, and I promise not to look at the amex until item arrives. Lol! Breadwinners need surprises too.

This is us as well. Also, we adjust according to circumstances. If things are tight for a period, we cut back on spending, eat out less, etc. I'm (obviously) a bit of a lover of bags and bling and cars (oh and the dogs), but carefully so, and otherwise I'm not one to waste on frivolities. In addition, I've done very well with the fewer but better philosophy, and anything no longer useful is sold to add to the "splurge" fund. If things go well for us during a period and all necessities and future are taken care of, I can splurge on myself without regret.

 

[Allthingsheart]

I have to say I’m surprised that a woman who is working and contributing to the household bills feels like she has to ask permission to buy herself something fancy. It may be my ignorance, or where I live, or how I was brought up but getting in a relationship for me always meant I get to keep my freedom in all aspects of life. Eg. I’m not a promiscuous person, have never cheated, but if I wanted to I feel like I could. If I wanted to spend money on sth just for me, obviously without getting into financial struggle, I feel like I could (and I do!). Freedom to decide for myself is everything to me, I honestly (and without trying to offend anyone) can’t understand how a woman today would consciously/willingly choose a life partner who takes away her freedom to decide for herself. That includes spending her money I believe. On the other hand it explains why women stay single or marry late. Maybe I’m just bloomin lucky!
So to answer your question OP, I wouldn’t justify. Instead maybe I’d suggest if I was getting sth nice he could too…

I was raised like this too. It was always my worst fear for someone to tell me how to spend my money. I buy what I want. I knew this when my parents put limits on what I can buy with my allowance. As soon as some guy tells me what I can and cannot spend my money it is time to end the relationship. My dad was military and my mom didn't work, we lived in government housing growing up. Growing up in poverty is just an excuse or an attempt to try and control someone else.

 

[ugaugauga]

Congrats to this beautiful piece and your milestones!!

My SO and I both work and earn (approx.) the same amount of money. We both have a pretty decent job and have studied hard to come this far.
We only have separat accounts so far and usually he's paying, I'd say, 70% of the bill.
However we never ask each other for permission to get something expensive (We both have expensive hobbies). Therefore I never have to justify anything I buy (and hopefully will never have to as I earn my own money). I know that I have the tendency to spend to much (on jewelries mainly) and before I buy anything I will ask my SO for his opinion (like, does this piece suit my style) and also if he thinks whether the purchase would be a bad idea for my finances (he knows my financial goals). At this point, there are typically 2 possible answer he gave me:

- It's a beautiful piece, you should get it
- It's a bad idea for your finances, so I will get it for you as a birthday/christmas gift

I don't really see the point of "explaining why you want a specific piece" or "make him understand why this piece justifies it's price" because this simply does not matter. What he should understand is that you want this piece and it makes you happy. You pay it with your own money. Therefore there is no reason why he shouldn't be supportive of that purchase.