How did you slow down/stop spending what you didn't have because of your addiction??

[klb4556]

Hi everyone!

I really am needing advice at this stage.

I know we all love bags, but we also have things we love on the side, and my other addiction is sunglasses- to me there is no nicer thing than a pair of super sturdy, well crafted sunglasses with shiny gradient lenses.. ahhh... ok enough of that.

I have bought a lot of bags, and sunglasses alike, and it's all about the pursuit to me, it's literally like Confessions of a Shopaholic- where I see something and think it would just *make* my whole wardrobe once and for all, and that I would just look *complete* with that item on every time, makeup or not, no matter what clothes. Or like it would just add glamour and make me look fabulous all the time and people would be asking what it is, who it's by.. etc. Every time I want to buy something, these things go through my head, and I can't quit thinking those thoughts until I've clicked the " purchase" " buy it now" or "checkout cart" buttons.

Often times, when it arrives, I'm smitten right away ( unless of course it was a huge letdown) then I settle on keeping it ( because it took too much to get it) but then a week later or maybe not even that, I'm thinking of what I could exchange it for, or the other things that took the backburner come back up again, and I end up returning or selling. It's like a bug that won't go away. It used to be fun, selling things and getting up enough money to pay for what I wanted, like a project I always had. Basically because I would always pay more than I had on credit and have to make up a plan to get the rest fast before the bill came.

I'll cut the story off there, but this has become a really big problem in my life. Especially because I've been out of work for several months due to health, which has kept me on the internet and shopping nonstop. When I'm working I'm still shopping all the time, but no job=no money.

Can anyone lend advice for how they slowed down or even stopped buying designer things at a time in their life when they knew it just wasn't right for them or their situation and was harming them and ruining relationships? Really the love of things, and obtaining them and moving on to the next thing, can be an issue, and I know it may seem crazy to write this much, but I know I can't be alone.

I appreciate anything you could offer in advance!!

 

[msd_bags]

I have a good job but it definitely would not sustain this bag vice if I keep it up. Realization hit me last year. I have a closet-full of bags that I almost did not use. I bought a lot during the first quarter. Then I lasted about 3 months without buying. Then I bought one bag. And 2-3 months later I bought 4 bags and then towards the end of the year I think I bought 2. With this realization, during the last quarter of the year I started putting some bags I don't regularly use and some I thought I would never part with up for sale. But somehow, the value of what I sold was not commensurate with what I took in.

Anyway, at the start of this year, I said in the 2015 Resolution thread that I would only buy 2-3 bags this year. And I'm still selling some bags (our local ebay is not as active as the US ebay). I really intend to keep this resolution since at times, it's not fun anymore to acquire knowing it's another financial burden. Well, actually that's what turned me - the depressing feeling when seeing the credit card bill. And I ask myself, is it worth it? These are temporary gratification. I will never stop liking bags, but it doesn't mean I have to have them.

One more thing, you have to find some distraction. For me, work has been getting hectic lately, so it keeps me away from doing a lot of surfing, thus, less temptation.

 

[dcooney4]

I found that I enjoy getting rid of things and getting money for them. Last year My closet was overflowing with stuff. So I sent a few things to a lady who sells on ebay and takes a commission. I enjoyed watching people bid on them. Each time I sent her another batch it got easier. It became quite addicting to see things go and watch my shelves have some nice breathing room. Try it! You might like it too and every bit of money is nice.

 

[Fimpagebag]

Perhaps it will help if you remind yourself that when "buying" with a credit card all you're actually doing is accumulating debt.

 

[SHHMOM]

I am starting to slow down and In addition to sell. The money wasn't the problem as much as the physical and mental clutter. I didn't like that I would waste time decided what bag to use. That was silly to me. Also, I would spend some much time obsessing over every "next" purchase. I am not recovered yet, but I am working on it. So maybe think about how much time and energy you can spend on other things if you didn't have to worry about all the next purchases and bills.

 

[ap.]

I think you need to fix your debt issue first. I would make your credit cards inaccessible so that you can't purchase any more new things and get deeper into debt.

Then you have to stop thinking of you bags and sunglasses as more than just things. They are only things - they will not "complete" you. They may not even complete your style. Don't let material goods define you.

Why don't you go through your closet and do a clean-out. Most people don't buy when they're getting rid of stuff.

You're so into accumulating things, why not start accumulating money. Trust me it's a lot more exciting to see your savings grow! Set intermediate goals: save 10K in 3 months, etc... And set long-term goals: I want to retire with X amount, or buy a house, etc...

Last, you need to see how much you harm yourself when you spend too much. Maybe reading The Millionaire Next Door will motivate you. Check it out from your library.

 

[TejasMama]

I think you need to fix your debt issue first. I would make your credit cards inaccessible so that you can't purchase any more new things and get deeper into debt.

Then you have to stop thinking of you bags and sunglasses as more than just things. They are only things - they will not "complete" you. They may not even complete your style. Don't let material goods define you.

Why don't you go through your closet and do a clean-out. Most people don't buy when they're getting rid of stuff.

You're so into accumulating things, why not start accumulating money. Trust me it's a lot more exciting to see your savings grow! Set intermediate goals: save 10K in 3 months, etc... And set long-term goals: I want to retire with X amount, or buy a house, etc...

Last, you need to see how much you harm yourself when you spend too much. Maybe reading The Millionaire Next Door will motivate you. Check it out from your library.

I think this is very good advice.

You're in a difficult spot because you are currently stuck at home, right? You have some health issues that are keeping you inside and online shopping can quickly get out of control when you have nothing else to focus on. It happens to many people so you are certainly not alone.

Do you have any other interests that could take the place of online shopping? You need a different distraction, one that will create some distance for you. What else do you like to do? what hobbies, if anything? Do you want to learn a new language?

I think you should seriously consider selling some of your items, especially if debt is an issue. Start small with a few things that you really don't wear anymore. Once you see the money begin to collect, you may find that it's an addiction of its own! If you don't want to handle the selling, find someone (there are many people) who will sell things for you on eBay for a commission. I know that I am far happier having fewer items because I enjoy them more and love having some empty space in my closet.

I worry that you will mortgage your future with debt, all for the temporary satisfaction of stuff you really don't care about. Spend some time in your closet and start adding up all the money you've spent on items in there. It's a real eye-opening experience.

It won't be easy but it will be worth it. And, maybe consider staying off TPF or limiting to specific threads. Find a forum that will help you channel your energy int another hobby or one where people are working to get out of debt/and/or are actively saving. Being around like-minded people can create a strong support system.

Good luck!

 

[glasskey]

I have recommended this book repeatedly, but I have to recommend it again here: a lady named Marie Kondo wrote a book called something like The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. In the book, she shows you how to pare down your possessions to only those things that bring you joy. After I went through her program, I genuinely found that I don't covet things the way I used to because I loved everything I had, and had gotten rid of everything else. I was satisfied for the first time.

In addition, I agree with the advice to get an additional hobby, and set some goals for yourself, such as losing weight, exercising more, learning a new language, etc., to keep yourself busy.

Finally, I encourage you to think of ways to be creative and to create. Shopping, in the end, is consumption and nothing more. You are taking from the world, not giving. What are some ways you can create? Write a blog? Cook for your family? Volunteer? Learning to give and not merely to take has enriched my life immeasurably.

 

[amrx87]

I downloaded an app called stylebook (my first paid app ever!), amd it lets you see all of your bags (or clothes, or shoes, or jewelry) in one place. I find it really helpful when im shopping. If i want to make an purchase, i open the app on my phone and i usually always see pretty much the same sweater or dress is in my closet already!

 

[misskris03]

I think this is very good advice.

You're in a difficult spot because you are currently stuck at home, right? You have some health issues that are keeping you inside and online shopping can quickly get out of control when you have nothing else to focus on. It happens to many people so you are certainly not alone.

Do you have any other interests that could take the place of online shopping? You need a different distraction, one that will create some distance for you. What else do you like to do? what hobbies, if anything? Do you want to learn a new language?

I think you should seriously consider selling some of your items, especially if debt is an issue. Start small with a few things that you really don't wear anymore. Once you see the money begin to collect, you may find that it's an addiction of its own! If you don't want to handle the selling, find someone (there are many people) who will sell things for you on eBay for a commission. I know that I am far happier having fewer items because I enjoy them more and love having some empty space in my closet.

I worry that you will mortgage your future with debt, all for the temporary satisfaction of stuff you really don't care about. Spend some time in your closet and start adding up all the money you've spent on items in there. It's a real eye-opening experience.

It won't be easy but it will be worth it. And, maybe consider staying off TPF or limiting to specific threads. Find a forum that will help you channel your energy int another hobby or one where people are working to get out of debt/and/or are actively saving. Being around like-minded people can create a strong support system.

Good luck!

+1 This is a great post. Selling stuff I don't need or use has really helped me psychologically as well as giving me a bit of $.

Also, I don't look at any of the TPF threads except the ones where people are trying to save $, clear out the closet, shop their own collections, and live frugally. It's really helped me stay in check. I still love to shop, but I'm making better (and fewer) purchases.

Best of luck.

 

[papertiger]

I do wish you well

Our need to be shopping for bags is not about needing a bag to shop for (obviously).

You may need to look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why you are always 'incomplete' and know it's not about your wardrobe.

It can just be a case of breaking the habit of looking or buying. In which case find something else you are really interested in or always put of doing.

I wouldn't advise 'just' selling because some people end up in a cycle that's just as continuous binge/purge but I would get all your bags out and ask why they promised so much and then never delivered. Perhaps you will fall in love again with some. How about joining us on this thread http://forum.purseblog.com/handbags...tion-shopping-from-my-own-bag-and-889467.html ?



What slowed me down was having some lovely bags already (I realise that my story is perhaps not going to help you much). No expensive 'bargains', buying to please SAs, buying second best colours or thinking I could be some model in an advert with a prefect life etc. Having the bags I really, really wanted/want helped. I sold a glut of vintage bags and other stuff (very nice but not as nice as the things I'm keeping) just for the space, they were never going to make me much money. I'm only going to buy one bag this year and that's already ordered so I don't have to search. There is something wonderful at being able to look and appreciate all the pretty bags on line and out and about without wanting every one for myself.

 

[klb4556]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I do actually have a blog,and a knitting youtube channel that I'm always trying to get good content on. But I recently had surgery so haven't been able to keep that up as much, so I've tended to shop.

To put it this way, I'm thankful that I'm even at this point, of knowing there's a problem and wanting help. I'm really not afraid to say this even though it's semi embarrassing- but I haven't had many friends in the past couple years, they all went off to college and I stayed at community college.. and many moved away, so shopping and getting nice things filled something in me that was missing, gave me something to have since I didn't have the friends, the fun life, the great job, or the relationship that everybody seemed to have. I at least had some nicer things that I felt made me feel more confident and put together, whilst I waited for all that to come.

But now I'm really re-analyzing things. If I want the future husband and the home and these other things, I have to quit spending. I have to be what I'm looking for IN someone and that's someone who's responsible with money. This past week, I wrestled with a few things out of my budget, and purchased one, but will be returning and that will be the end of that. Then I felt the need to shop some more, but felt so guilty going to the check out that I stopped there and didn't buy. I'm starting to notice and pay attention to those feelings when they're there because they mean something.

Thankfully I only have one credit card- well- paypal credit- which is the most evil thing known to mankind- 1 because it's like any other, and 2 it's worse because it actually steals your money, like a rip off, and adds things to the bill that are already paid off. I'm selling a few things right now on ebay, and will have to fight the urge to buy something else with that money, but instead it could go into savings or pay a bill. I need to start trying to feel good about the most money I can put towards something. It's always been hard because if I don't have something to show for it, it's almost like it doesn't mean anything.

To make a longer story short, I'm at a place I'm thankful for right now, wanting to change, and I appreciate all the suggestions. I look forward to reading some of the books mentioned and thankful for the app suggestion! that is great! I've never paid more than $300 on any of my items and that was years ago, but even some of my most expensive things don't get used very often, and that's just not good.

I want to start saving money to buy things that will be used every day in a house someday, so thanks for the empowerment and not being too harsh

 

[klb4556]

I am starting to slow down and In addition to sell. The money wasn't the problem as much as the physical and mental clutter. I didn't like that I would waste time decided what bag to use. That was silly to me. Also, I would spend some much time obsessing over every "next" purchase. I am not recovered yet, but I am working on it. So maybe think about how much time and energy you can spend on other things if you didn't have to worry about all the next purchases and bills.

I agree totally!! it gave me something to think about and put my work towards, but having to scrounge up money everywhere and subconsciously worry about how I was going to cover something and hide it from family is getting tiring. It's not a good thing to be concerned about, for sure!

 

[klb4556]

I have recommended this book repeatedly, but I have to recommend it again here: a lady named Marie Kondo wrote a book called something like The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. In the book, she shows you how to pare down your possessions to only those things that bring you joy. After I went through her program, I genuinely found that I don't covet things the way I used to because I loved everything I had, and had gotten rid of everything else. I was satisfied for the first time.

In addition, I agree with the advice to get an additional hobby, and set some goals for yourself, such as losing weight, exercising more, learning a new language, etc., to keep yourself busy.

Finally, I encourage you to think of ways to be creative and to create. Shopping, in the end, is consumption and nothing more. You are taking from the world, not giving. What are some ways you can create? Write a blog? Cook for your family? Volunteer? Learning to give and not merely to take has enriched my life immeasurably.

I have a lot of goals, but none seem feasible right now, so I went to what was more feasible, getting things, coming right to your door.. etc. Since traveling, a home business and other goals weren't attainable at the time. Thank you! that book sounds like exactly what I want to do.

 

[pandorabox]

I found that I enjoy getting rid of things and getting money for them. Last year My closet was overflowing with stuff. So I sent a few things to a lady who sells on ebay and takes a commission. I enjoyed watching people bid on them. Each time I sent her another batch it got easier. It became quite addicting to see things go and watch my shelves have some nice breathing room. Try it! You might like it too and every bit of money is nice.

Yes. I have to agree. I myself just sold off several small leather goods and a bag I never used to fund a new bag I really wanted. I decided I wanted more quality and a few solid pieces than even several bags that never get used. I like switching them out seasonallyor every few weeks. I do not out bags in credit cards. I make sure I have the money or the money is def on its way. Maybe if you pulled out all your bags and paired down? You only need one or two really good clutches and not 12 sort of a deal? Just a thought.