Engagement ring problem, pls help

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emmasu

emmasu

O.G.
Jul 27, 2009
130
0
#1
hey guys, i think am in the right place to write this. anyway, i got engaged 3 years ago, i choosed my ring but the problem is the rocks arent real:cry:

what happened was, when me and my fiancee met, he wanted us to get engaged then and thats all he could afford at that time and he promised me that he will change the rocks for me.

But yesterday, i opened the topic with him and hells doors opened at me. he got really upset cuz of it saying that i dont value the ring he got me and it doesnt have sentimental value with me. he was really really upset and that i crushed him by saying that. i told him that he promised me then that he will change it for me.

Then he said i have two choices, either i keep this ring with no changing the rocks or have a new completely ring, new date, new proposal and i sooo dont want that. I told him he doesnt understand and that all i want is to change the rocks only, pls help am beyond depressed, what shall i do:shucks::sad::crybaby:
 
#2
Hmmmmm...that's a problem. You could always say you brought the subject up now, because, with the economy in the dumps, jewelers are willing to deal. He could get a nice diamond at a great price and should take advantage of the situation...NOW!!!
Good luck..................
 
#3
Sounds like you need a new fiancee and not new rocks. All jokes aside you obviously love him so that's not an option. As a considerate guy I think his reaction was over the top and uncalled for. Your request wasn't unreasonable. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for most people but if I were you I would be cautious about rushing into anything because his true colors might be starting to show.
 
#4
^ I tend to agree. That sounds like a real overreaction over something you two had previously agreed to. I don't know what to tell you except that it sounds like your fiance was either having a really bad day or he needs some anger management help.
 
#5
TylerDurden said:
Sounds like you need a new fiancee and not new rocks. All jokes aside you obviously love him so that's not an option. As a considerate guy I think his reaction was over the top and uncalled for. Your request wasn't unreasonable. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for most people but if I were you I would be cautious about rushing into anything because his true colors might be starting to show.
Click to expand...

i was thinking this, but didn't want to say anything to upset the op. this guy seemed totally fine getting you faux diamonds—which is ok if you're wanting faux diamonds, but obviously you're not. he was quick to promise you real ones later on, and now he's upset with you for asking? not a good sign, imo. but you know your fiancé better than we do, and only you know if he's the one.

perhaps there's something deeper to the core which is why he got so upset. maybe there's a financial issue he's concerned about and he hasn't shared it with you? there could be all sorts of scenarios, so perhaps before you have him rush in to get the real thing, maybe find out if there's something truly bothering him about spending the money if he can't afford it right now.

good luck.
 
#6
I agree with onegirl, maybe there's underlying financial reasons...maybe he thought after a time he would be able to afford the real thing. Maybe by asking he was offended and felt as though you were attacking his masculinity? Don't get me wrong, I'm, not saying what he did was right at all. There's never a reason for adults to communicate like that imo. Do you have the ceremony all set and maybe that's where the cost/stress is coming from?
 
#7
My husband just said this (which is what I was thinking) "he never intended to replace those stones and he probably only agreed to that promise to shut her up. So now that it's been brought up--something he thought she had probably forgotten about, he's freaking out and angry that she's ready to make him follow through. There's something big there and that's dishonesty"
 
#8
My SO agreed that it is an unreasonable thing for him to get angry with you over.

Would he interested in getting you a diamond band (of real diamonds) that you can wear with or without your first engagement ring? Then you could stack this ring with your engagement ring and your wedding band.
 
#12
am surprised with what you guys had to say
i think i should make it more clear, we discussed it more, i asked him why he proposed then when he couldnt afford for one ring, he said that he wanted me to know how much he love me and that am the only person he wanna spend his life with.
Then we talked abit of changing the rock, so i went randomly searching, i dont know much about carat or clearity or anything so you guys might be able to help me
according to the design of my ring and it was around 1000usd, to me isnt much at all, but he said he cant afford it anytime soon, he can afford small stone but not that big. to me 1000usd isnt much and i actually can change it myself but he didnt agree on that and i would understand why.Yes he will get me diamond band for the wedding and the wedding is at least 2 years away if not more. i totally understand about the money cuz he is a student and has a job, not stable one, but depending on whats coming up, he designs stands for those companies shows or whatever, so depends on how many stands he does. am moving in with him, next year so we need money for that and we need to save up money for the wedding and thats why he cant change it now. so what if i change it myself without telling him?
really guys, he doesnt have anger issues or anything, just felt sad that i dont wanna keep the ring he gave me then or him being cheap, thats not it at all
 
#13
If you change it yourself and not tell him, then you're deceiving him. If it bothers you a whole lot then seriously you just need to calmly sit him down and have a mature conversation between you two. Explain to him that it does bother you and why. And then hear what his reasons are. Then introduce all the options available. Good luck.
 
#14
emmasu said:
i totally understand about the money cuz he is a student and has a job, not stable one, but depending on whats coming up, he designs stands for those companies shows or whatever, so depends on how many stands he does. am moving in with him, next year so we need money for that and we need to save up money for the wedding and thats why he cant change it now. so what if i change it myself without telling him?
really guys, he doesnt have anger issues or anything, just felt sad that i dont wanna keep the ring he gave me then or him being cheap, thats not it at all
Click to expand...

so if he is a student without regular income, why would you bring the issue up at all now?
 
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