Engagement Diamond Dilemma.

[missD]

never thought that this would be my problem but it is...

my bf recently was given his grandma's engagement ring, purchased in 1917, a very nice stone, about 1.2 carats round cut. I posted a picture in an earlier thread, some of you might have seen it and remembered that I thought it was tooooo warm for my taste, especially warm against my G colored promise eternity band - which really bothers me.

well I went to his house this past xmas, and his mother in her old school chinese way would hint and push that diamond onto me, saying its very very good quality and I know she loves that diamond, but to me I didnt fall in love with it. I know clarity might be kick asssss or wahtever, but its just toooooooooo yellowwwwwwwwwwww....I am torn on what to dooooo.

So now, what do I do? Tell my bf to get another diamond of that size in a better color? I am afraid that I would disrespect the future in-laws. Sigh. They even went out of their way to let some jeweler look at it, some jeweler in a dept store (like Zales)...I highly don't approve of Zales or those types of stores in most malls since I saw a I1-I2 1 carat diamond selling there for $8,500-10,000+.

I guess I am just venting, thanks for listening and any advice would be great.

 

[Daniela7474]

Hi, Miss D!

I don't know that I'm really qualified to give you advice as I'm one of the lucky few that got to have a little bit of input in my ring, since it was important to me to like a ring that I'd be wearing for the rest of my life. Everyone has a different taste/style and preferences, so in my opinion, "to each his own."

Having said that, the older I get (I'm 33 now but was 28 when I got the ring), I can understand more and more the importance of family heirlooms. In fact, I have a similar delimna, as my mother in law has been pushing some family jewelry on me that I don't quite care for---BUT, it's important to her (and my hubby) as it was worn by her mother and her mother's mother (my husband's gma and great gma).

So how about compromising and taking the ring yet setting the diamond in a necklace, as a nice solitare? This way YOU can have the engagement ring YOU like, and you can wear the diamond solitare pendant once in a while to please your in-laws. Do you think that would work?

 

[missD]

Thanks for the advice!

i suggested taking the diamond and putting it in a white gold bezel setting (somewhat floating diamond pendant) so the whiteness of the gold surrounds it and makes it look whiter....my bf was like "no, its suppose to be a diamond for an engagment ring". what logic is that? haha

my bf family is conservative, and there are still some language barriers between his mom and me. Its kinda like we see things from a very different era. Its hard to explain I guess...like today how she mentioned that we'd have a house 2-3 houses away from hers or the next street over when we get married just almost threw me off my chair. In fact, I almost did a back flip.

 

[bag happy]

Oh I can understand your situation! My MIL chose my engagement ring and it was not something that I would have chosen. It's very good quality (D VVS) but I wanted something much bigger (sounds terrible, sorry I don't mean to offend anyone). I had the diamond reset with 2 smaller stones and turned into a 3 stone ring in platinum. I think my MIL was a little shocked when she saw it but she didn't say anything.

If the diamond can be reworked in platinum or white gold, maybe a really beautiful setting, do you think that would change your mind and you could love it the way your future MIL does?

I felt the same way you do. Don't feel guilty about not loving this family heirloom. You may learn to love it. Or you may get another. Either way, you're learning one good thing that you'll need a lot of once you're married: patience.

Good luck & best wishes!

 

[KristyDarling]

Hmm, a bit of a dilemma. But honestly, I've seen some utterly gorgeous diamonds with a sort of candle-lit glow to them, rather than icy whiteness. To me, it's a very romantic and vintage look. Is the stone round? If so, and if the stone was purchased in 1917, it's probably an Old Mine Cut or Old European Cut stone, both of which are TO DIE FOR and highly sought-after these days!! They are historically important and vintage stones in good shape are relatively hard to find.

Maybe you could take the diamond and put it in a really gorgeous setting of your own design....to really make to *your own*? It might look gorgeous in a vintage-inspired setting. I really don't recommend setting it with diamonds that are whiter in color because that will make the diamond seem yellower. Set it with stones that of similar color but make sure they are well-cut, for maximum sparkle. If I were you, I'd do all this and let your BF know that although you don't love the diamond, you love the sentiment behind it and will wear it to honor him and his family.....BUT, down the line you'd love it if he presented you with something more to your taste, like for a 5 or 10 year anniversary.

Just some ideas!! Good luck!!

 

[Accessorize*me]

Hey MissD,

I kind of understand how you feel because my in-laws are also rather traditional compared to my own parents.
Like yours, my MIL was very generous (and no doubt thoughtful) with jewelry, but she somehow misses the point that we may have very differing tastes when it came to what we want to wear on ourselves.

At one point, she dragged us to the jeweller because she wanted to reset her GREEN Jade set (Earrings, Necklace, Ring) with White Diamonds in an Art Deco style to go with my WHITE Wedding Dress!

Fortunately for us, when it was time for the proposal, my then BF (now DH) went and picked out a ring for me before she could offer any suggestions. As can be expected when she saw the ring, she said: "Why did you guys waste money? I have lots of diamonds in that size, you can just get one from me..."

Hence, my best suggestion is to be honest with your fiance. Let him know what you really want and what you don't. Afterall, you are going to have to live with this man AND his family for the rest of your life.
Tell him that an Engagement Ring has significant meaning to you too. Let him know it is something you will wear for a very long time, something you will be staring at everyday, and something you will like to have input in picking out because you will want your heart to 'SING' everytime you look at it.

However, understand also that a marriage although should be 'mostly' about the 2 of you, unfortunately cannot be ONLY about the 2 of you. (Although I still wish...)
Short of upsetting the in-laws and being banned from every family dinner thereafter, maybe decide on where you can strike a compromise.
Can you reset the "Heirloom Diamond" into a setting you like from the latest Wedding Magazine? (ala Eva Longoria, Heidi Klum, Katie Holmes?)
Can you get yourself some BLINGY Eternity Band to go with it?
And most importantly, how about a Diamong Ring of your choice to wear on your other hand, or an upgrade in 6 months to a year (Anniversary) so that you need never see anything but crisp "White" from your Diamonds after the Wedding?

Sorry about the long reply.....But this in-laws thing get really get me started!

 

[missD]

Hmm, a bit of a dilemma. But honestly, I've seen some utterly gorgeous diamonds with a sort of candle-lit glow to them, rather than icy whiteness. To me, it's a very romantic and vintage look. Is the stone round? If so, and if the stone was purchased in 1917, it's probably an Old Mine Cut or Old European Cut stone, both of which are TO DIE FOR and highly sought-after these days!! They are historically important and vintage stones in good shape are relatively hard to find.

I looked online about those cuts and I am fairly sure that its a Transitional cut, I think it came after OEC.
It looks like this from what I can see on my bf's diamond:

Its a pretty diamond, but I compared it to my RB earrings, it didnt really sparkle as much because the facets were cut differently?

I wish I love it, but I just love today's more faceted sparkly diamonds more....I would just be happy with a 1ct F color.....

 

[KristyDarling]

I looked online about those cuts and I am fairly sure that its a Transitional cut, I think it came after OEC.
It looks like this from what I can see on my bf's diamond:

Its a pretty diamond, but I compared it to my RB earrings, it didnt really sparkle as much because the facets were cut differently?

I wish I love it, but I just love today's more faceted sparkly diamonds more....I would just be happy with a 1ct F color.....

There's probably a little less light return with a transitional cut as compared to a modern Tolkowsky-based cut....fewer facets and such. I, personally, adore the look of such chunky facets. So vintage and elegant. But like you said, it may just not be your cup of tea. If you're sure that there's no chance of you falling in love with this stone, then I recommend having a heart-to-heart with your fiance about this. Not everyone wears their engagement ring regularly....so like another poster said, you could get a blingy eternity band to wear after you're married. If having an e-ring that you love is very important to you, and if your fiance won't budge on his heirloom stone, then I suggest setting his expectations early on in terms of wanting an "upgrade" e-ring at some point in the future. Or, better yet, start saving up for a new diamond yourself!

IMO, it's really not worth starting off on the wrong foot with your future in-laws by rejecting this stone outright....it's better to find a way to make this stone yours -- there are so many gorgeous settings out there that are more about the "ring" and less about the "stone." Consider maybe a beautiful halo with intricate pave detailing along the basket and shank?

 

[missD]

^ you're right. sigh. I guess its just we been together for almost 7 years, I think I "deserve" the ring of my dreams (in moderation of course)...I am ok with the idea of an upgrade (and I did consider it after seeing this diamond), but darn it, we've been together for so long already. Thru thick and thin and 5 years of long distance across continents and then country. haha. sigh!

i am going to the jeweler tomorrow to get an expert confirmation on the specs...i just need to know and see how it will look in a proper setting.

thanks for the advice girls! its really helpful!!!!

 

[Shari]

I don't really have any advice but I can sympathise with you. I think it is particularly unfair to hand down heirloom jewelry with such strong sentimental feelings attached to it and expect someone to wear it when it most likely isn't that person's taste at all!!

That ring was bought for a another woman in another age.... If I didn't love it, I wouldn't try too. I'd argue until I got my own way.