You probably mean this in jest more or less, but you're entertaining being a version of purse police. Just as that would be embarrassing and you want to "save her" from that, yourself calling her out could equally embarrass her. And feeling embarrassed on her behalf is just not a good use of your resources. If you want to extend a kindness, figure a way to do so unrelated to any handbag. Good call to keep this off your to-do list.
A Fake Bag and a Friend
- Thread starter LoverField
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If it was left to her by her late mother, identifying it as fake could be especially painful. I would not risk causing pain to a friend over this. If you're really scared that someone else may decry the bag as inauthentic to her, or fear that she is putting herself in a situation where she may be in danger of ridicule, you might suggest that she have it "appraised" by a professional. That way, the bad news will be broken by someone neutral, and you can be available to provide comfort if needed - which is what friends do best.
Otherwise, holding on to something (real or fake) left to her by her mother may be helping her feel closer to someone she's lost. I wouldn't want to do anything to interfere with that.
This is the perfect response.
I would tell her because 1) I would want to know and 2) I don’t have friends that are too fragile to hear the truth.
None of my friends are purse aficionados and I think they’d be ticked that I (the one who has the most purse knowledge) would let them run around bragging about a fake purse being a limited edition. It’s not as if she even carried it quietly. She’s proudly sharing false information thinking it’s true.
Friends are the ones who should tell you things like you have bad breath, spinach in your teeth or visible panty lines. They “cover” you.
So, I’d fully expect my friends to set me right if I was ill informed in one of their pet categories and a little irritated if I found out later they didn’t.
None of my friends are purse aficionados and I think they’d be ticked that I (the one who has the most purse knowledge) would let them run around bragging about a fake purse being a limited edition. It’s not as if she even carried it quietly. She’s proudly sharing false information thinking it’s true.
Friends are the ones who should tell you things like you have bad breath, spinach in your teeth or visible panty lines. They “cover” you.
So, I’d fully expect my friends to set me right if I was ill informed in one of their pet categories and a little irritated if I found out later they didn’t.
I would tell her because 1) I would want to know and 2) I don’t have friends that are too fragile to hear the truth.
None of my friends are purse aficionados and I think they’d be ticked that I (the one who has the most purse knowledge) would let them run around bragging about a fake purse being a limited edition. It’s not as if she even carried it quietly. She’s proudly sharing false information thinking it’s true.
Friends are the ones who should tell you things like you have bad breath, spinach in your teeth or visible panty lines. They “cover” you.
You raise a very good point. I guess what took me aback the most was that she so proudly declared that the bag was a "limited edition Chanel". I just hope that she doesn't say it in front of other people who can tell it is a bad fake.
If she runs in crowds or goes to places with people who would spot a fake Chanel, I would absolutely tell her. I would want to know.
Gosh, I wouldn’t send her to a third party service to have it proven a fake. If I found out my friend sent me to a paid third party service when she already knew it was fake, I would think she was having fun at my expense. If I was that shy about it, I just wouldn’t say anything at all.
Gosh, I wouldn’t send her to a third party service to have it proven a fake. If I found out my friend sent me to a paid third party service when she already knew it was fake, I would think she was having fun at my expense. If I was that shy about it, I just wouldn’t say anything at all.
Absolutely let it go.
Unsolicited advice is almost always a no-no. It is especially a no-no in this case given that the bag was a gift from her late mother.
You could do a whole heap of damage by telling her. To her, and to your friendship. And for what? To protect Chanel? To protect her from some criticism she'll almost certainly never receive?
IMHO, authentic bags do not equal class or style. Many of them are ugly as hell themselves, and then made worse in "styling." I hardly ever wear bags with logos in large part because even the authentic ones so often look awful in real life. Perhaps your friend thinks your authentic bags are ugly and, on top of that, that you wear them all wrong. In her view, you'd do better to carry something simple, tone it down a bit. Would you want her to tell you, without your asking?
If you think there's a difference between these scenarios, it's only that you put a high value on authentic luxury bags. She may not share that value and, in that case, it's like being friends with someone of a different religion. Ask questions and make a genuine effort to learn what she values (and she should do the same with you), but don't judge.
Unsolicited advice is almost always a no-no. It is especially a no-no in this case given that the bag was a gift from her late mother.
You could do a whole heap of damage by telling her. To her, and to your friendship. And for what? To protect Chanel? To protect her from some criticism she'll almost certainly never receive?
IMHO, authentic bags do not equal class or style. Many of them are ugly as hell themselves, and then made worse in "styling." I hardly ever wear bags with logos in large part because even the authentic ones so often look awful in real life. Perhaps your friend thinks your authentic bags are ugly and, on top of that, that you wear them all wrong. In her view, you'd do better to carry something simple, tone it down a bit. Would you want her to tell you, without your asking?
If you think there's a difference between these scenarios, it's only that you put a high value on authentic luxury bags. She may not share that value and, in that case, it's like being friends with someone of a different religion. Ask questions and make a genuine effort to learn what she values (and she should do the same with you), but don't judge.
It depends on the nature of the friendship and the personality type of the friend, which we can't really tell. How close are you for this to be your place to tell? This type of issue ranges in perception from having a friend’s back to offering an unsolicited opinion. Does she appreciate bluntness or has she expressed annoyance at repeatedly being given advice without prompting?
I personally would refrain in this case. It's not a purse she just spent thousands of dollars on thinking it's authentic. It's a purse from her mother and I'd be 1) projecting my judgements of how I'd want to be seen on her and 2) diminishing her happiness in an item that's probably sentimental.
In the slim odds someone does say something to her and she asks you about it, I'd say I'd never seen that version of Chanel, but I'm not an expert and didn't want to make assumptions.
I personally would refrain in this case. It's not a purse she just spent thousands of dollars on thinking it's authentic. It's a purse from her mother and I'd be 1) projecting my judgements of how I'd want to be seen on her and 2) diminishing her happiness in an item that's probably sentimental.
In the slim odds someone does say something to her and she asks you about it, I'd say I'd never seen that version of Chanel, but I'm not an expert and didn't want to make assumptions.
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Thank you everyone for your opinions. Soon after the replies started coming in, I realized that it is not my place to try to protect her from possible embarrassment. To those who asked, of course I was going to tell her in the gentlest and most tactful way possible. She is an old friend who is like a sister to me --- we have always been supportive and loving, but direct with each other. But I realized that nothing good will come out of it. I would rather that the bag remain special to her.
And to those who presumed a lot of ill intentions or judgment on my part, bless you. I hope you find peace.
And to those who presumed a lot of ill intentions or judgment on my part, bless you. I hope you find peace.