Would like your opinion-- about my ex-

  1. Sorry for kind of a long story but here goes:

    Recently my ex husband has been contacting my mother, wanting to speak with me-- My question is should I contact him?

    But here is the background: I have not seen nor spoken with this man in almost 12 years, even though we have a son together. He was very abusive and I feel lucky to have escaped with my life. He is a Gulf war veteran and has been on disability for the past few years I'm told-- and has been using the excuse of him wanting to get our son's social security money to him. I hate that he contacts my mom- as she had a debilitating stroke 20 years ago and is confined to a wheelchair. He knows where my parents live (and my dad still works). I have moved across the country and have never let him know where I am. I have since remarried, have a well paying job and certainly am in no need of his or anyone representing his money.
    My husband (current) wants me to just ignore him but I am afraid. I'm afraid that he may not be as disabled as he says and could go after my mom (although he lives several states away) or look us up and come after my son or me.
    My dad thinks I should just call him from an unknown untraceable number to find out what he wants once and for all.

    What do you think?
  2. I think that you should answer this question:
    Given all the facts as stated and your history with him, willit
  3. I must have hit the wrong button..

    OK, is there any value to you to call him?? Probably not.

    I would advise that you not call him. Should he continue to contact your parents contact the police.
    As a side bar, I have been a forensic psychologist for 17 years and specialize in threat assessments, and I am advising from that standpoint. Good luck.
  4. Thank you Irishgal-- it has been really bothering me not knowing what to do.
  5. I would think that if he had some legal/financial issue, then courts might contact you -- rather than him doing it himself. I take it he doesn't have any contact with his son? Maybe you could contact him through email, snail mail, or something (just make sure not to mail anything locally so that he doesn't get your location) to see what he wants w/o actually talking to him. Because I can see why you'd want him to start leaving your parents alone too...
  6. Oh please be careful, that is so scary.
  7. No he has had no contact and has paid no support, even though it was ordered by the courts.
  8. It sounds like nothing good can come from communicating with this guy. But will he quit calling your mom?
  9. I don't know? My dad has asked him to stop calling but he just called her this week!
  10. Great advice Irishgal, agree with and other commenters.
  11. Oh, if your dad has already told him to stop calling it is time to go to the police and get a TRO, temporary restraining order, which can include phone calls. Also check the stalking laws in that state. Stalking is (loosly) defined as "unsolicited and unwanted contact".
  12. how about changing her number?
  13. My Dad is 'old school' (you know- I'm not afraid of him, blah, blah)
  14. Thank God for the old school men, he is acting like, well, a man!

    But, never underestimate a person with a mental illness...(not your dad LOL)
  15. Definitely don't renew contact with him. Do not call.