what to do with my life

pink princess

pink princess

Member
Dec 31, 2006
139
0
#1
hi ladies

I dont post on here much but love reading the forum and i have had some excellent advice of you ladies in the past.

I feel at the moment really lost as to what to do with my life. I am 36, married (for nearly two years and have had ups and downs which you guys helped me through) and at the moment I just feel well.. best way to describe it is totally lost!

1. I really hate my job at the moment, there is so much politics going on and I feel my manager really is not somebody to be trusted and is taking advantage of my nature which is to do work as many hours as I can to make sure the job is done, this is making me unhappy and I feel totally unappreciated. Since Christmas i have felt exhaused and was having dizzy spells last week, so I took a few days off work, I let him know I would be back in work tomorrow and that my doctor thinks that I either have a virus or am very stressed out. I havent heard anything back from him. I know I should quit and get a new job but it is easier said than done, and I am on a very good salary which pays our mortgage, i feel a lot trapped!!!!! I can see no way out of this and am scared to cut down on my hours, i manage a big team and think if I things would suffer and I would get the blame. Three people used to do the job i am doing now and I have kept quiet and got on with it for the last two years.

2. I have been contimplating starting a family for so long know but not done anything about it. I keep thinking i am not ready but when is the right time? I wanted to go on a visit to NYC one last time with my husband and then come home and start trying( or maybe even conceive while I am away). Anyway we agreed to this and yesterday given the cost of the hotels in New York being so expensive I dont think we will be realistically afford to go (live in Uk)
I told him abut this and he said we should just forget the trip and start to have a baby now. I freaked to be honest and he said he did this to shock me because he is worried i keep putting this off and he is not entirely convinced I really do want one. I had a heart to heart with him last night, and he wants to have a baby, agrees it will totally change our lives (but for the better) and doesnt want to put pressure on me to make a decision but wants to start making plans at least. I dont know what is stopping me wanting to get pregnant, i love children, i love looking after my nieces and nephews and I think i would make a good mum but why am i so scared about taking th e plunge?? Part of me feels like i would not be able to do the things i do know like buy nice make up and go the gym and have independance, but surely these are just material things and shouldnt matter??
3. I just feel like i dont fit in anywhere at the moment, with everything going on in work, feeling stressed and tired and unsure how I feel about anything, I am shutting myself away from the world and just pondering and worrying about everything. I cant talk to any of my friends at the moment about this they are all too involved in their own lives. My mum died a few years ago (i miss her dearly and still grieve for her today) and my sister is only 20 and too young to understand how I feel.

Just what is going on with me at the moment????

am i having some sort of thirty something crisis???
 
#2
It doesn't help that it's the middle of winter right now and lots of people get depressed when there is less sunlight. In the Pacific NW it's really common and is called SAD (seasonal affective disorder).

If you love kids - do the baby thing! I can't encourage you enough to do this. I was 34 when I had my son. It totally changes your life, but like you said, for the better. I adore being a Mom. Every age that my son has been at has been my favorite while he was going through that age.

The rest of it.... It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to tell your work that you can't work quite so many hours. It's also okay if your work is disappointed. They will get over it, and if they don't, it will probably all work out for the better anyways. Update your resume and go have a heart to heart talk with your boss at work.
 
#3
I agree with k2sealer... part of it is SAD, we folks here love our sunshine and it does affect us when it's not around, and yeah, I also think you are looking at time speeding by.

A child will totally change your life. For the better. You won't have as much freedom, but you will have what you make it. You'll be trading long slinky cocktail dresses for bibs and spit up rags, but you know what? You just really don't mind at all.

As for the job, you know, I'd change. (In fact, I had changed when a job got me so far down I couldn't take it anymore.) I went to a job that paid less money, but I was a lot happier! Could you look into maybe tightening up the budject somewhere? Or better yet, talk to your boss and tell him you are afraid your work will suffer, as well as your body, because you are doing the work of three people. Problem with the "super employees" is that sooner or later, something will come crashing down... and you are risking not concieving now if you are this stressed.

I wish you luck honey... take it easier on yourself, life is too short not to do what you like sometimes.
 
#4
thanks to k2 and speedy what you are saying is what I know deep down in my heart but I lack so much self belief and always think I am rubbish compared to others. Also I am partly a little bit scared about the whole situation work and the thought of a baby pink princess!!

Speedy: I giggled at swapping the long cocktail dresses bit, it really made me smile in a good way: i dont really go out anymore, in england it is a big deal to go out drinking and partying at the weekend but am long passed that stage, i much prefer a nice dinner and movie or spending free time at home anyway regading a book or taking a bath:yes: in fact some people would think i am quite boring

I will talk to my manager, i have said I will go back to work tomorrow but feel dread at the thought of it, I cant see him being very sympathetic, often he will say its part of the role to be stressed and he once told me that I needed to be a more political and not so honest, mmm
 
#6
Be careful about how you think about yourself because often we unconsciously project that so other people pick up on it. If I could magically make it so you valued yourself as much as you obviously deserve, I would. My magic wand it at the shop being fixed. Sorry. I guess I'm lucky. I went through my self conscious rubbish feeling time in my 20's so once I got to my 30's I felt great about myself. I have no problem telling my boss or whomever how I feel. Of course, that does get me in trouble sometimes. But that's okay. I can live with the consequences of telling the truth. I choose not to live with the consequences of not speaking up for myself.

Also, sometimes a job doesn't realize how valuable you are until you are gone. I've had plenty of jobs where they had to hire 2-3 people after I left. Oh well. It sucked that they couldn't realize that when I was there. But such is life. So, update that resume already! ;)
 
#7
You should definitely begin looking for another job. Who knows if they want you back? And I *swear* I am not saying that to be harsh. If you manage a large team of people, but took a few days off of work and listed "virus or stressed out" as the reason, you may have come off as unreliable. I don't know what kind of company you work for or what industry you're in, but if anyone left my company for a few days without something like, a brain tumor, they would not be welcome back. Again, I'm really not sure what kind of environment you work in... but it doesn't sound good if you and your manager are already on not-so-hot terms.

Either way, you're unhappy, so don't stay! Who's to say that you can't find a more rewarding an equally well-paying job elsewhere?

I wish you the very best.
 
#8
You shouldn't try to have a baby now...especially when you are not happy at work. Only have a baby until you found a new job or that you can afford to be a stay-at-home mom.
 
#9
IntlSet said:
You should definitely begin looking for another job. Who knows if they want you back? And I *swear* I am not saying that to be harsh. If you manage a large team of people, but took a few days off of work and listed "virus or stressed out" as the reason, you may have come off as unreliable. I don't know what kind of company you work for or what industry you're in, but if anyone left my company for a few days without something like, a brain tumor, they would not be welcome back. Again, I'm really not sure what kind of environment you work in... but it doesn't sound good if you and your manager are already on not-so-hot terms.

Either way, you're unhappy, so don't stay! Who's to say that you can't find a more rewarding an equally well-paying job elsewhere?

I wish you the very best.
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please dont take what I am going to say as me being rude but, wow was kind of shocked by what you said here, I work for the health sector in England which is a governament lead, so it is not a private industry and if one of my members of staff was becoming faint and near passing out for no reason no reason (which is why I have been off upon a doctors advice) and then said they were stressed or had a virus, the first thing I would do upon their return to work would be to work through the issues or not let them come back until they felt better, maybe where I work isnt so bad afterall.

i sincerely hope they dont think i am unreliable there have been times where I have worked 8-8 straight shifts over the past few months with no extra pay to get a particular project completed which is part of the problem i think, i have done this solid most weeks since October

like I said I am not being critical here but you really got me thinking (and worrying a little as well)
 
#10
I say life is short, don't stay in a job you hate. It is not healthy for you, your coworkers or your boss. Seriously. I'm sure that people around you know that you are unhappy. But that's OK -- everyone is in this situation at one point or another in their life. I've had jobs where I hardly slept because I was so stressed out. Now that I'm not in that situation, I'm so much happier. Life is so much better.

I would start looking for a job right away, before trying to have a child.
 
#11
pink princess said:
please dont take what I am going to say as me being rude but, wow was kind of shocked by what you said here, I work for the health sector in England which is a governament lead, so it is not a private industry and if one of my members of staff was becoming faint and near passing out for no reason no reason (which is why I have been off upon a doctors advice) and then said they were stressed or had a virus, the first thing I would do upon their return to work would be to work through the issues or not let them come back until they felt better, maybe where I work isnt so bad afterall.

i sincerely hope they dont think i am unreliable there have been times where I have worked 8-8 straight shifts over the past few months with no extra pay to get a particular project completed which is part of the problem i think, i have done this solid most weeks since October

like I said I am not being critical here but you really got me thinking (and worrying a little as well)
Click to expand...

Hi pink princess, I apologize, my intent was not to offend you or to cause you undue worry. That's just my reading (and obviously, I know VERY little facts about what's really going on, only what you write here) of the situation, and it could be way off base.

If you don't work for the private sector, but work in healthcare in a sector that's shown empathy before to others, then you should probably disregard what I said.
 
#12
IntlSet said:
Hi pink princess, I apologize, my intent was not to offend you or to cause you undue worry. That's just my reading (and obviously, I know VERY little facts about what's really going on, only what you write here) of the situation, and it could be way off base.

If you don't work for the private sector, but work in healthcare in a sector that's shown empathy before to others, then you should probably disregard what I said.
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hi you honestly didnt offend me, I got a little worried but please dont think you offened me
off subject a little I see you like Paris by your pictures, it is my other favourite city in the world along side New York, I love it there
 
#13
pink princess said:
hi you honestly didnt offend me, I got a little worried but please dont think you offened me
off subject a little I see you like Paris by your pictures, it is my other favourite city in the world along side New York, I love it there
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Oh yes, I love Paris!!

I just happen to work for a really, umm -- how to say this -- hardcore company. Like, everyone here is a psycho workaholic so I'm probably brainwashed into thinking everyone else in the world is like this, also. I'm glad to hear you work for a more compassionate company, even if you dislike the boss!
 
#14
Hey Princess-

I have to kindof agree with what IntlSet said. You did mention that it's happened in your workplace before-- but in life, as much as it sucks, people will remember ONE bad thing compared to a MILLION good things. Then again, we don't know your exact situation so we cannot be completely sure of the outcome of certain things :smile:. But I would highly recommend getting a job that you LOVE. As mentioned many times earlier, life is too damn short and precious to not be completely, 100% happy.

It sounds like you really do want to be a mom and that you do understand all the work that goes into being one, being worried is perfectly normal! It won't be a breeze, but if you know you want a child, it will all be worth it. Again, as BTBF mentioned, make sure you can afford having a child wayy before you actually have one. Being a mother will most likely be your favorite job- so make sure that kiddo gets the best life he/she can get :tup:.

Please update us on what you decide to do as well, good luck and many hugs!!!
 
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