Wedding invite does not say "plus one" or "guest"?

[Bitten]

To paraphrase Ms. Manners, a wedding is not a date. It's an important life event for two people and whom they decide to share it with is their choice, their business.

I disagree that it is a breach of ettiquette not to encourage single guests to bring a date.

Before I was married I was invited to friends' weddings all the time as a single guest. I'm not a particularly outgoing person but I always looked forward to talking to new people, making new friends. I don't see what the problem is going alone to a wedding.

I agree, what is with the obsession on what's happening to YOU at the wedding - um, it's not about you?!

Personally, I am flattered and touched each and every time I receive a wedding invitation. To me, it says "We love you and would like to have you witness the vow of lifelong love and commitment we are going to make to each other. Please be part of our special day."

In addition, I have been 'invited' as a 'plus guest' to a couple of weddings and I declined to attend. I said to my bf "I can't go to a total stranger's wedding, it's an incredibly intimate and significant event to be witnessed by their friends and family. I'm a stranger, it would be like crashing a funeral!"

To sum up: be grateful for every wedding invitation you receive personally directed to you. It is a gift and a blessing from your friends and family, the people who love you and want you to be there to witness an incredibly significant moment in their lives.

Sneaking in guests, asking if you could 'just bring someone' as though it's a barbeque etc are all uncool in the extreme, frankly tasteless.

I have been to weddings alone and accompanied. When alone, you exercise your 'social skills'. Make conversation. Meet new people. Re-meet old acquaintances. You shouldn't need a safety-person to attend social events as an adult. It is part of growing up - take a dive out of your comfort zone, you may find you make new friends.

On the other hand, if it really makes you too uncomfortable to go alone (and from the sounds of it, this is not someone you feel particularly close to) then simply rsvp no and send a note to the bride wishing her luck.

 

[GirlFriday]

I've been to weddings before by myself when I was single. It's really not that big of a deal. I would have preferred to have had a date, but I felt it more important to be there and support my friend. I think being offended by something like that is just being overly sensitive, but that's just me. Weddings are already expensive and to get mad that someone doesn't want to blow their budget on a bunch of plus ones just goes to show that you really can't have a wedding without making somebody mad. Even if you do everything to please everyone, someone will find a reason to be ticked.

 

[jordanjordan]

Well thanks for all the input ladies. I can definitely see all sides, but I really do not feel comfortable going to the wedding alone. I am a very introverted person and won't know many people there and will have a terrible time sitting by myself because I don't do well meeting new people in that kind of situation. If it was an event where I would know people and it was a more casual setting I think I might be able to do solo, but definitely not in this scenario.

I am going to RSVP no, but I do have to say I am still slightly offended as I think a couple that lives together should be invited together. Even my cousin who is really rude and trying to cut costs on her wedding said anyone who lived together was being invited out of courtesy. It's very weird to get an invite in the mail to our house that only has one of our names on it.

 

[Jahpson]

it just kills me when I hear the "well they probably can't afford to invite everybody" so why have a wedding?

in my experience, weddings have always been very romantic and bringing a date is not weird or uncommon. I would never go to a wedding by myself even if I knew some of the folks attending for years.

OP, I don't blame you if you decline the invite

 

[KarraAnn]

it just kills me when I hear the "well they probably can't afford to invite everybody" so why have a wedding?

in my experience, weddings have always been very romantic and bringing a date is not weird or uncommon. I would never go to a wedding by myself even if I knew some of the folks attending for years.

OP, I don't blame you if you decline the invite

I don't know a lot of people who would not have a wedding because they couldn't afford to (or just don't want to) pay for every guest to have a plus one..just me I guess

 

[twinkle.tink]

I agree, what is with the obsession on what's happening to YOU at the wedding - um, it's not about you?!

Personally, I am flattered and touched each and every time I receive a wedding invitation. To me, it says "We love you and would like to have you witness the vow of lifelong love and commitment we are going to make to each other. Please be part of our special day."

In addition, I have been 'invited' as a 'plus guest' to a couple of weddings and I declined to attend. I said to my bf "I can't go to a total stranger's wedding, it's an incredibly intimate and significant event to be witnessed by their friends and family. I'm a stranger, it would be like crashing a funeral!"

To sum up: be grateful for every wedding invitation you receive personally directed to you. It is a gift and a blessing from your friends and family, the people who love you and want you to be there to witness an incredibly significant moment in their lives.

Sneaking in guests, asking if you could 'just bring someone' as though it's a barbeque etc are all uncool in the extreme, frankly tasteless.

I have been to weddings alone and accompanied. When alone, you exercise your 'social skills'. Make conversation. Meet new people. Re-meet old acquaintances. You shouldn't need a safety-person to attend social events as an adult. It is part of growing up - take a dive out of your comfort zone, you may find you make new friends.

On the other hand, if it really makes you too uncomfortable to go alone (and from the sounds of it, this is not someone you feel particularly close to) then simply rsvp no and send a note to the bride wishing her luck.

Very well said

 

[Bradysmum]

If you feel very strongly about the whole +1 thing, send the bride a note saying that if there are any last minute cancellations you would love to be able to bring your SO. That way she knows and it's putting the power in her hands. It is HER day afterall.

If you are so disinclined not to go, send a gift or cheque with your regrets.

 

[Diane d'Poitier]

it just kills me when I hear the "well they probably can't afford to invite everybody" so why have a wedding?

in my experience, weddings have always been very romantic and bringing a date is not weird or uncommon. I would never go to a wedding by myself even if I knew some of the folks attending for years.

OP, I don't blame you if you decline the invite

So if you were not in a serious relationship with anyone, and a dear friend or relative of yours got married and invited only you, you wouldn't go? You wouldn't want to share your friend's special day and watch him or her get married just because you couldn't bring a date? I'm sorry but that's a really lame reason not to attend a wedding.

And I completely disagree with the posters who have said the OP should ask the bride if she can bring her boyfriend, asking to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding is horribly rude and puts the bride and groom in an extremely awkward position.

 

[pinklipgloss33]

And I completely disagree with the posters who have said the OP should ask the bride if she can bring her boyfriend, asking to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding is horribly rude and puts the bride and groom in an extremely awkward position.

I have to agree with this.

 

[Leah411]

Well thanks for all the input ladies. I can definitely see all sides, but I really do not feel comfortable going to the wedding alone. I am a very introverted person and won't know many people there and will have a terrible time sitting by myself because I don't do well meeting new people in that kind of situation. If it was an event where I would know people and it was a more casual setting I think I might be able to do solo, but definitely not in this scenario.

I am going to RSVP no, but I do have to say I am still slightly offended as I think a couple that lives together should be invited together. Even my cousin who is really rude and trying to cut costs on her wedding said anyone who lived together was being invited out of courtesy. It's very weird to get an invite in the mail to our house that only has one of our names on it.

Well, of course you will have a "terrible time" if that's the mindset you go with!

Why not focus on the wedding and what it is about, instead of your own needs? Why not use this as an opportunity to develop your social skills? If you go through life refusing to do anything without a boyfriend in tow, you're going to miss out on a lot of life! You won't be sitting by yourself, you'll be at a table with other people...probably others who are there solo, as brides usually keep this in mind....and there will be people to chat with and even have fun with, if you go with an open mind.

I am mystified why you (or anyone else) thinks they are entitled to bring a date to a wedding, regardless of the bride's wishes. And I don't think the living together argument is compelling. Nowadays, there are plenty of people who routinely move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend du jour, so living together does not always signify the seriousness of a relationship, and even if it did, it is still not your day, it's the bride's day.

It seems that it is more important to you that the bride recognize your current relationship status, than for you to recognize this important day in her life. Part of being an adult is doing things on your own, and it's really a shame for your friend that you can't go solo for a few short hours out of your life in order to celebrate her marriage.

 

[Jahpson]

^ weddings ARE social gatherings. Otherwise couples would head to city hall and make it official there or just have spirtual ceremony with the minister. Furthermore, OP never felt she was entitled to anything (at least from what I read from her post) she just felt it was rather odd that only she was invited

So if you were not in a serious relationship with anyone, and a dear friend or relative of yours got married and invited only you, you wouldn't go? You wouldn't want to share your friend's special day and watch him or her get married just because you couldn't bring a date? I'm sorry but that's a really lame reason not to attend a wedding.

And I completely disagree with the posters who have said the OP should ask the bride if she can bring her boyfriend, asking to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding is horribly rude and puts the bride and groom in an extremely awkward position.

I wouldn't want to go to a wedding by myself..no. Especially if its a medium-large wedding. small wedding I would consider it.

why would it be rude to just ask? The bride and groom can say yes or no. I doubt they would feel insulted

 

[exotikittenx]

If it were my wedding, I would want my guests to enjoy themselves and be comfortable. I would never say it's about "me, me, me" and everyone needs to suck it up because it's MY special day.

If it weren't about the guests, in addition to myself, then I wouldn't be having a wedding and just having a marriage at city hall with one witness, and no celebration. That's just me, though. People are entitled to invite whomever they wish, but I do care for the comfort of guests at a party, and would try to acknowledge those who have a serious SO, or those who may not know many other people.

 

[Bradysmum]

So if you were not in a serious relationship with anyone, and a dear friend or relative of yours got married and invited only you, you wouldn't go? You wouldn't want to share your friend's special day and watch him or her get married just because you couldn't bring a date? I'm sorry but that's a really lame reason not to attend a wedding.

And I completely disagree with the posters who have said the OP should ask the bride if she can bring her boyfriend, asking to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding is horribly rude and puts the bride and groom in an extremely awkward position.

Really? When I was planning a wedding, all of the books said it was perfectly fine. To each his own I suppose.

 

[jordanjordan]

So if you were not in a serious relationship with anyone, and a dear friend or relative of yours got married and invited only you, you wouldn't go? You wouldn't want to share your friend's special day and watch him or her get married just because you couldn't bring a date? I'm sorry but that's a really lame reason not to attend a wedding.

And I completely disagree with the posters who have said the OP should ask the bride if she can bring her boyfriend, asking to bring an uninvited guest to a wedding is horribly rude and puts the bride and groom in an extremely awkward position.

I would bring a friend as a date, but no, I would not go alone unless it was a backyard picnic type of wedding where I knew everyone... but for a large, formal event, definitely not. It is unfortunate I will be missing the wedding, but I think it would be even worse if I was to go and be really awkward.

 

[KatsBags]

Well, of course you will have a "terrible time" if that's the mindset you go with!

Why not focus on the wedding and what it is about, instead of your own needs? Why not use this as an opportunity to develop your social skills? If you go through life refusing to do anything without a boyfriend in tow, you're going to miss out on a lot of life! You won't be sitting by yourself, you'll be at a table with other people...probably others who are there solo, as brides usually keep this in mind....and there will be people to chat with and even have fun with, if you go with an open mind.

I am mystified why you (or anyone else) thinks they are entitled to bring a date to a wedding, regardless of the bride's wishes. And I don't think the living together argument is compelling. Nowadays, there are plenty of people who routinely move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend du jour, so living together does not always signify the seriousness of a relationship, and even if it did, it is still not your day, it's the bride's day.

It seems that it is more important to you that the bride recognize your current relationship status, than for you to recognize this important day in her life. Part of being an adult is doing things on your own, and it's really a shame for your friend that you can't go solo for a few short hours out of your life in order to celebrate her marriage.

Well said!