The HHSIL - how does one handle her?
- Thread starter gina_b
- Start date
Hmmm...
my MIL is very me-hostile (and everything about me) but I've learned to just let it go and ignore her... she is very rude to her own son (my DH) so I can't really get very upset about it anymore. We don't see her very often (DH's decision, but I was pleased when he made it!) She does make comments about the things I wear or carry and those comments are an expression of her thinly veiled dissapproval... but it is our money and we work hard for it and don't ask for $ from her, so it is none of her business and I have told her that... which may be one more reason she doesn't care for me.
DH thinks she's just really jealous and resentful, she had a very hard childhood and $$ was very, very tight when he was growing up (4 kids, one income) so she just resents the he** out of anyone who doesn't seem to have "struggled" like she did. I don't alter anything about me when she is around... bags, scarves, shoes, nothing! She doesn't like me anyway, so why bother?
My SIL is PI (purse indifferent). She and I are great friends.
my MIL is very me-hostile (and everything about me) but I've learned to just let it go and ignore her... she is very rude to her own son (my DH) so I can't really get very upset about it anymore. We don't see her very often (DH's decision, but I was pleased when he made it!) She does make comments about the things I wear or carry and those comments are an expression of her thinly veiled dissapproval... but it is our money and we work hard for it and don't ask for $ from her, so it is none of her business and I have told her that... which may be one more reason she doesn't care for me.
DH thinks she's just really jealous and resentful, she had a very hard childhood and $$ was very, very tight when he was growing up (4 kids, one income) so she just resents the he** out of anyone who doesn't seem to have "struggled" like she did. I don't alter anything about me when she is around... bags, scarves, shoes, nothing! She doesn't like me anyway, so why bother?
My SIL is PI (purse indifferent). She and I are great friends.
I have to listen to my older SIL's rant about how difficult it is to get into a Birkin/Kelly. My eyes glaze over and I just let her go for it. She has no idea of my collection and I'm not telling her. Once she made a snide comment that if you have a Birkin you must have Hermes wallet to put inside of it. That made my eyes widen as I had just bought my Bearn LOL! I never said a word! Her latest is that Goyard is the greatest. I have to listen to that knowing she doesn't have even have one. Don't wish to offend the Goyard fans on tPF, but I don't put H and Goyard in the same ballpark and I said as much to the SIL. She didn't get the difference at all. What to say???
Aaah well I have SIL's of both worlds. Two that are entirely polar opposites. My middle brothers wife is the biggest pro "Coach and Dooney & Burke" and "Hermes Hating" person in the family. She tells me that she cant see the reasoning for my DH to spend so much money on "ugly old lady bags". She would say "I'd rather buy 20 Coach or D&B bags then one of those..." This gets rather old real quick. What pisses me off the most is not her comments, attitude, smirks, or insults, but that my brother cant speak up and tell this woman to mind her own business. Oh and she nevers insults the fact that my mother carries a Birkin. My DH tells me "let it in one ear and out the other..." But really how much of this is one person suppose to take?! So my resort to this is to stay away entirely. I only see them on holidays. I dont make it a point to accomidate her. I wear my Hermes regardless. By now she has made such a stink about it that all my family has seen her true self.
Now my other SIL (DH's side) is a dream come true! She lives in Japan and is one of my main Hermes enablers. She will visit the H store for me and let me know what they have in stock. If I cant get it right away she will purchase it and I'll pay her back ASAP. She also checks out all the authentic resell shops in Ginza. We share clothes, shoes, bags, and jewelry. I honestly love this woman!!! Why cant my brother marry someone like her???
Now my other SIL (DH's side) is a dream come true! She lives in Japan and is one of my main Hermes enablers. She will visit the H store for me and let me know what they have in stock. If I cant get it right away she will purchase it and I'll pay her back ASAP. She also checks out all the authentic resell shops in Ginza. We share clothes, shoes, bags, and jewelry. I honestly love this woman!!! Why cant my brother marry someone like her???
WoW, I never realized how lucky I am because I only have BIL's and they could give a care. LOL. I am on easy street here...feel bad for you all!!! Big Hugs.
Should I add...my MIL is a piece of cake. Total sweetheart and harmless. Did I get lucky? Yes, I surely did.
Should I add...my MIL is a piece of cake. Total sweetheart and harmless. Did I get lucky? Yes, I surely did.
I have three 
SILs and all three are extremely frugal when it comes to spending money on luxury items or items in general. I have heard all three make comments like "if I pay this much for a _____ , I would expect it to drive me around" etc. Well, you get the picture. DH and I just spend as we like and don't pay attention. I try not to bring my H or other high end items to family gatherings @ my in-law's home (those are usually low key) but will wear my H, etc. when the whole family is going out (my FIL's golf course, weddings, etc.).
This is O/T but I remember once one of my SILs said to me "You know, so and so has a fake bag that looks just like yours. No one can tell so why do you bother spending extra money on the real ones?" I just told her that I can tell and that's all that matters, really.
SILs and all three are extremely frugal when it comes to spending money on luxury items or items in general. I have heard all three make comments like "if I pay this much for a _____ , I would expect it to drive me around" etc. Well, you get the picture. DH and I just spend as we like and don't pay attention. I try not to bring my H or other high end items to family gatherings @ my in-law's home (those are usually low key) but will wear my H, etc. when the whole family is going out (my FIL's golf course, weddings, etc.).This is O/T but I remember once one of my SILs said to me "You know, so and so has a fake bag that looks just like yours. No one can tell so why do you bother spending extra money on the real ones?" I just told her that I can tell and that's all that matters, really.
SPrincess: your pile of birkins (& a GP) is too much for me to handle. i've been gone for too long....looks like you got a couple new ones??
Not just a "couple", PBC. LOL. We've enjoyed reading her adventures of scoring her new birkinS with a capital S.
I have 3 SILs (DH's Sisters) and they are all wonderful! They are awesome. They pretty much consider me one of the "sisters" now. We can sit and talk about anything. 
They are not aware of Hermes and the extent of my spending, although one SIL DID see my recent HAC on ebay, and saw that i sold it for $7500, and said something to DH about it while they were at his mom's mother's day picnic.
ush: (I wasn't there. I was at KOP buying more H! lol)
Now i'm kind of waiting for the awkward stuff to happen.... or the poo to hit the fan.... either one!
I hope no one makes a big deal of it. My side of the family doesn't care.
Now, my BIL, (Sister's DH) really doesn't care either way, obviously. lol. Sometimes he just makes jokes at me when i have a Birkin, have on my big dark Chanel sunglasses, holding a Starbucks, and have my little Maltese with me, that i look like i should be walking down Rodeo Drive.
They are not aware of Hermes and the extent of my spending, although one SIL DID see my recent HAC on ebay, and saw that i sold it for $7500, and said something to DH about it while they were at his mom's mother's day picnic.
ush: (I wasn't there. I was at KOP buying more H! lol)Now i'm kind of waiting for the awkward stuff to happen.... or the poo to hit the fan.... either one!
I hope no one makes a big deal of it. My side of the family doesn't care. Now, my BIL, (Sister's DH) really doesn't care either way, obviously. lol. Sometimes he just makes jokes at me when i have a Birkin, have on my big dark Chanel sunglasses, holding a Starbucks, and have my little Maltese with me, that i look like i should be walking down Rodeo Drive.
Not just a "couple", PBC. LOL. We've enjoyed reading her adventures of scoring her new birkinS with a capital S.
LOL MrsS. I love coming here to share my passion
Sorry gina_b I didnt mean to hijack your thread
. Back to topic 
.
seriously, i dont feel the need to excuse myself or even the need to 'explain'. there is always 2 sides of the coin: open-mindedness and jealousies/self-righteousness. its their problem on how they will adapt. i care more about parents-in-laws than SIL's, i agree with orchids. but if there is no PIL's involve...to each his own. its not your fault if SIL's is jealous and feel the need of compromising yourself. IMO
Ditto, bagdizzy!
My MIL used to make snide remarks about my H bags. Probably thinks that I spend too much of her son's money. I guess she forgot that I work too (just so I could buy my bags)!!!
One time she even made a joke that a thief might come to our apt and steal all my bags... NOT FUNNY!!!
What do you do? Can't really win either way - whether I respond or not. So, I just ignore her. Years later, she has stopped needling me. I just refuse to give her any satisfaction. I don't even say anything to my DH - what would be the point???
My SIL likes designer goods. She knows about my bag collection and since she lives in Europe she and my BIL (DH's brother) have promised to keep an eye out for certain requests/colors if they happen to see it in the boutique. If only my MIL knew... (heh!)
I say if you you refuse to give the HH person any response/satisfaction, there will be "no fuel to sustain the fire"...
My brothers longtime girlfriend doesn't carry purses AT ALL!!!!!
My mom once gave her a purse as a christmas present and she used it as storage for her hair curlers!!! And everytime we go out together, she asks if she can put her stuff into my purse. And recently my brother has even started calling my purses "suitcases", because he thinks they are to big... (As in: "When are you going to buy a set of wheels for your suitcase...). Thank goodness I have another brother, who might still make me happy with a like-minded SIL.
My mom once gave her a purse as a christmas present and she used it as storage for her hair curlers!!! And everytime we go out together, she asks if she can put her stuff into my purse. And recently my brother has even started calling my purses "suitcases", because he thinks they are to big... (As in: "When are you going to buy a set of wheels for your suitcase...). Thank goodness I have another brother, who might still make me happy with a like-minded SIL.
You are very, very lucky! I don't take my MIL personally because she truly treats everyone like garbage- she can't even spell my name right and she's known me 9 years.
I had a FIL that was the most wonderful guy ever but unfortunately he passed a couple years ago.