Jill, do you have a mac or a pc?
I've never had any problem with my mac picking up my iPod or iPhone to sync. but I've had several friends with PCs who do have problems.
Make sure iTunes is up and running in an active window before attaching your iPhone. That is how they get around their problem. It is also weird because sometimes they have the syncing problem and sometimes not. But if iTunes is on they don't.
Selena's right. The iLounge is great and easy to use.
Also, for Apple watchers, there is a big invitation-only media event on Sept 5th. Rumored to have new OSx versions of the iPod, new nano and a new touch screen iPod.
As for 1st generation vs 2nd generation iPhones: From what I have heard and read Apple will not be making any changes to the hardware platform on the iPhone anytime soon. Any upgrades/modifications will be firmware only.