Relationship Question-am I too sensitive?

#17
SophiaLee said:
Oh.. and dear ... don't EVER return the ring ...EVER .

But , besides that , you two haven't been going out that long and maybe these things are just force of habit . Perhaps he enjoys the same routine that he and his ex used to enjoy , rather than enjoy his ex ? Does that make sense ? Please don't freak out . Men can be obstinate a-holes , they don't understand how sensitive we can be .

I highly doubt he is still into her , rather than the comfortable routine he had w/ her . Or else he wouldn'tve asked YOU to marry him .
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Thank you Sophia, for your nice words.. I need to calm down and have a martini.
I am trying to convince myself into thinking he is just into that routine, but it still bothers me..I think the talk is going to be long.
 
#19
345parkave said:
I feel the same way. We have been going out for 10 months, it was a quick engagement. I tried to ask him if he is concerned with something, but he just tells me that I am overly sensitive.
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It sounds like passive-aggressiveness to me. If he's trying to put your worries back on you, I'd tell him that you need to have a serious talk before you go any further with wedding planning. What raised a red flag for me is how he's dismissing your feelings and not taking them seriously at all.
 
#20
I would be sooo mad. One little time is understandable, but constantly referring to his ex would draw the line for me. I would sit down with him and explain to him how this is hurting you, and he doesn't take your feelings about this earnestly. If I was in this situation, and if after I talked to him and he still insisted that I was overreacting and just doesn't want to try to understand, I would regroup.
 
#21
I would be pissed. I think I would probably just yell at him and walk out. There are way too many guys out there that would die to treat me like royalty. If the guy I'm dating doesn't seem to get it and doesn't even try to get my name right, then I'm not wasting my time.

So you could either try to deal with it with him or just walk away
 
#22
dont end it jsut yet. but because it was a quick engagement you need to re asses if this is what u really want to do... and him tlakin about his ex means shes a bit too much on his mind
 
#23
345parkave said:
I can't keep my tears from falling off, how can I persuad him that we should go seek for help? He will definitely tell me I am overreacting. I am thinking of returning him the ring already. :crybaby:
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I'm sorry this has happened to you and I would feel the same way!

I think it's unfair for him to blame you for being "too sensitive"-how would he like it if you started calling him by your ex's name? Does he think that it OK to mistake you for someone else? If those times were so good but they were'nt with you, then are you serving some kind of reminicent fantasy?

The only way he can get over his fixation on his ex is for him to decide to do it by himself. If persuasion does'nt work and you're resorting to twisting his arm, then his heart is obviously not in the right place.

I know I would not stick around if my boyfr was confusing me with someone else. I want to be with someone who only has eyes for me, without a doubt.

Hope things work out for you.:heart:
 
#24
345parkave said:
I am trying to convince myself into thinking he is just into that routine, but it still bothers me..I think the talk is going to be long.
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You need'nt have to convince yourself of anything. Trust your instincts-that's what they are there for.
 
#26
Baby Boo said:
dont end it jsut yet. but because it was a quick engagement you need to re asses if this is what u really want to do... and him tlakin about his ex means shes a bit too much on his mind
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My thoughts exactly. I'm wondering, why getting married so soon? Clearly he still has some "issues" to resolve before commiting to marriage to you!
 
#28
First ***HUGS***

Since none of us are in your shoes and really know him. You need to follow your heart. I would put him on the spot. If he thought I did something she did, I would ask him when and where that happened because I don't remember my doing that. If he couldn't answer then I would add...you must be confusing me with someone else.

I do agree that he needs to work on this and the sooner the better. Is it possible he didn't have enough time in between relationships?
 
#29
Janos614 said:
It sounds like passive-aggressiveness to me. If he's trying to put your worries back on you, I'd tell him that you need to have a serious talk before you go any further with wedding planning. What raised a red flag for me is how he's dismissing your feelings and not taking them seriously at all.
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I would DEFINITELY not INGNORE anything like this...relationships are hard enough as is & it has to be a two way street...YOU are not being too sensitive...he is being INsensitive...and either he's doing it for a reason unknown to you or maybe he is not over his ex...but whatever the reason may be...you have to find out "why" and ask yourself if this is really what you want.:upsidedown:

I wouldn't just corner him into a "honey, let's talk" or "we need help" etc...I would watch and observe...I would REALLY see how he treats me and notice all of the tiny things that might have gone unnoticed before...You might realize that you're dating a prick and that he doesn't deserve you, or you may realize that something deep down is bothering him that you two could resolve...if two people are in love...then whatever the tiny things may be...you can overcome them!
But find out if it's worth the ride!:flowers:

This will give you time to just sit back take the driver's seat...Men always expect the "freak-out" or "serious talk"...well, DON'T give it to him...try something different and see what happens...talk to us...like you are doing...take a step back & make him "wonder."

This way you don't make a decision without reason...you don't just want to "end it" in a conversation...you owe yourself that much...you should really just take your time...and be the observer...don't act or react on anything...ask yourself, why...and try to locate a pattern or a trigger...

The amazing thing is (& it took me FOREVER to learn this!!) That our feelings are our own...nobody can hurt our feelings...if we are hurt...we choose to allow ourselves to be hurt. Of course, you should feel all the feelings you are, but it becomes interesting when you realize that you cannot control ANYTHING that "HE" is feeling, doing, ete., but you CAN CONTROL HOW YOU TAKE THINGS AND HOW YOU FEEL!!!!

Anyway, I am sorry for the rant...I have been through the mill, like I am sure a LOT of us have, but like I said when two people LOVE each other it can all be worked out!....only if it's worth it!:graucho:

Sorry that was so long...you've probably fallen asleep by now! Keep us posted! & You always have us to talk to!!

Kristy:flowers:
 
#30
emmakins said:
I'm sorry this has happened to you and I would feel the same way!

I think it's unfair for him to blame you for being "too sensitive"-how would he like it if you started calling him by your ex's name? Does he think that it OK to mistake you for someone else? If those times were so good but they were'nt with you, then are you serving some kind of reminicent fantasy?

The only way he can get over his fixation on his ex is for him to decide to do it by himself. If persuasion does'nt work and you're resorting to twisting his arm, then his heart is obviously not in the right place.

I know I would not stick around if my boyfr was confusing me with someone else. I want to be with someone who only has eyes for me, without a doubt.

Hope things work out for you.:heart:
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if I call him by my ex's name, he will be super mad. maybe I should do it 3 times. :Push:
 
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