Please tell me how to deal with this situation..

#16
hey merika I feel for you. I reckon this is a supremely difficult situation because this boy has scared your son very deeply. I once caught a few minutes of a movie when I was a child but it took a long time for these impressions to go away. I think you are doing the best you can.

maybe find a friend that either shares the same beliefs with you, or can differentiate? (kids cannot always IMO and inevitably their background will influence how they view others) - i know a lot may think it is not realistic and not useful either (the 'cotton wool' approach) but if your child has nightmares what good is that friendship?
 
#17
My son actually has other friends who are of different faiths and who get on great with him! One of his greatest friends is a boy who gets homeschooled because of religious reasons. Contrary to what you might expect, those people NEVER try to shove religion at my son and their son and mine became such close friends that I became a friend of his mom!

I hope he will grow up to try to understand the teachings of most religions, and be free with his choice. I have taken him to both Christian and Catholic church services and to Hindu temples. This is not with any intent to confuse him but I have multi ethnic and religious friends. My high school was founded by Wesleyan missionaries and we had a tradition of attending church services held in memoriam of the founders.

Since the core of most religions is to be loving, kind and not hurt other people it is not hard to understand that people have different ways of doing that.

After April vacation, my son will meet the boy again in school tomorrow. I hope they figure out a way to coexist peacefully :yes:.

Actually I figure it is easier when the person saying things like my son's friend did is outside the family....I have friends who have close family doing simillar and say it's a pain to deal with.
 
#19
oh, I wasn't at all suggesting that these cannot exist - of course they can. I was just saying that if a friendship is not good, essentially whatever the reason, it is better to look for another one, on the basis of greater understanding. glad to hear that your son's other friends can differentiate! the main thing is for him not to be scared anymore.

yep I reckon you are right. we have religious differences in my family, and not understanding happens a lot from within the family (some members anyway). it is a pain, especially as you do not always want to fight, so you just let it be (but you do not feel good about that... so it is an annoying circle).
 
#20
I am inclined to agree with the idea of talking to the parents, if possible, and making it very clear that you respect their beliefs, and of course that they will share those beliefs with their child, because you also share your own beliefs with your child, but you have also instilled in him that respect for the faith traditions of others, because you can only imagine how they would feel should your son begin imparting Buddhist doctrine to their little boy!

However, I would also add the caveat that there are some Christian sects who believe as a fundamental tenet of their faith, that they not only should, but have a responsibility to "witness" to others, to be, in effect, missionaries, and this responsibility, this activity, is not limited to adults, but begins as soon as the child is able to lisp to his little companions the religious teachings he has received from his parents.

So if possible, I would try to find out if that is the case, because if it is, then talking to the parents might NOT be a good idea because you would be asking them to refrain from doing something that, according to their religion, they have a divinely mandated obligation to do!

But whether you talk to the parents or not, the most important thing that you can do is reassure your child, that even though some may hold these beliefs, that does not change the reality and the comfort of the truths of your own faith, and as others have wisely suggested, hop on it as a "teaching moment," an opportunity for him to learn that there are many different faith traditions, and they are all fascinating and interesting, and all "right," because One is One is One, like a poem Mohammed Ali wrote several years ago, and excuse me for not having it exact:
Streams, lakes, oceans, rivers, all different, but all water.
Click to expand...

Sometimes other peoples' water may look a little muddy, or have a stronger current or taste saltier than our own water, and that's OK. It enriches our understanding of our own water, and of all water.

Finally, to descend from the metaphysical stratosphere, ;) as a matter of practicality, it is also a good "teaching moment" to instill the concepts and develp the valuable converstaional and interaction skills that will serve any child of any faith - that when people talk about things we find disturbing, or would rather not talk about for any reason at all, we can gently turn the talk toward another subject that is of great interest to THEM, and unless our faith prohibits it, matters of religion are among those things that it is good to discuss with mom and dad, and there is a whole world of other subjects to discuss with schoolmates!
 
#21
Your doing the right thing by explaing things to him, hopefully his fear will go away soon. Unfortunately often times kids will be kids and say things in certain ways that can be offensive to others even when they dont mean to be. I'm sure this kid doesnt realize that his saying what he did to your son is not the right way to explain his beliefs but at that age its understandable...
 
#22
Oh my goodness, your poor son!

Okay, first, you have every right to contact that boy's parents, tell them what is going on, and ask them to please talk to their son and tell him to stop saying things like that to your son.

Secondly, talk to your son's teacher, tell her what's going on, and tell her anytime she see's an interaction between them that sounds like he's talking about hell and burning, to please interject herself and tell him to stop.

This is no different than your son being bullied, or punched by another kid, or his milk money being taken from him, etc. You need to tell these people to stop saying these things to your son.

Then tell your son that some people in the world think that their "way" is the only correct "way" to be....tell him that as he gets older he will learn alot of things about alot of subjects and you will always be there to answer questions and help him to decide which things he wants to explore.

I hope you resove this soon and that your son doesn't have anymore nightmares.
 
#25
My sister has that same problem

except with her inlaws.
everytime we visit them they try to convert us.

I don't care what they believe in,
I believe in what I believe in.

Even the little girl trys to convert us saying that we are going to hell if we where short shorts!

Like the other day, I bought myself short shorts from a&f and she flipped.
she was all I would never let my girl where that. God doesn't like it.

They havent stopped till this day,
just tell your son what he should believe in and what you want him to and maybe a talk to the parents won't hurt...
 
#26
We are atheist, and my sons have kids in their classes who are fundamentalist Christian, as well. We always emphasize that although that person and his family believe that, WE don't. We explain, like you have, that there are many different sytems of belief and tell him why we believe the way we do. I've even explained to him how most Christians believe that God is good and loving and then ask him how much sense it would make for a God like that to punish people in horrible ways. He laughs and says that wouldn't make sense at all.

That may not square with fundamentalist teachings, but if someone is scaring your child with nightmarish stories, then you counteract it any way necessary.

Even for kids of 7,8,9 years old, it can be very reassuring to hear that while other people may believe something, WE don't. Kids then feel a part of a greater whole and more confident in their beliefs and their support system.

I don't think contacting the other boy's parents will accomplish much. Unless it turns into harrassment or bullying, then I'd leave it alone. It is a sad and hard lesson to learn, but there are people who will reject others based on things like religion. Encourage him to not interact with that boy and move on. I imagine that other boy may lose a lot of friends that way.
 
#27
HauteMama said:
I don't think contacting the other boy's parents will accomplish much. Unless it turns into harrassment or bullying, then I'd leave it alone. It is a sad and hard lesson to learn, but there are people who will reject others based on things like religion. Encourage him to not interact with that boy and move on. I imagine that other boy may lose a lot of friends that way.
Click to expand...

I thought about contacting the other boy's parents, but then thought better of it as it would probably serve no purpose. He didn't have any bad dreams last night and I'm hoping things will settle down.

I did tell my son to tell his friend (as per Shimma's instructions :yes:) that those matters would best be discussed with his family and maybe they could play with transformers or something?

It seems to have worked!
 
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