My gross, obnoxious coworker...
- Thread starter vanessa225
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Wow, shimma, I'm really impressed you can make such a strong point and still come across so diplomatic. Maybe you could give me lessons, hehe.
Btw, I realized I don't know that much about diabetes, your posts were very informative.
I believe that people would sympathize less with the OP if her post was about someone suffering from cancer instead of someone with diabetes (please don't construe this as an attack OP, I mean no harm!).
On the other note, my grandfather suffered from emphysema and it would break my heart every time he would go into the bathroom to smoke another cigarette. And he thought he was hiding it from us.
And re-reading my first post in this thread, I could have expressed my sentiment better. I hope no one is offended.
Btw, I realized I don't know that much about diabetes, your posts were very informative.
I believe that people would sympathize less with the OP if her post was about someone suffering from cancer instead of someone with diabetes (please don't construe this as an attack OP, I mean no harm!).
On the other note, my grandfather suffered from emphysema and it would break my heart every time he would go into the bathroom to smoke another cigarette. And he thought he was hiding it from us.
And re-reading my first post in this thread, I could have expressed my sentiment better. I hope no one is offended.
I'm hesitant to post my reply here and I would never consider doing it were it not for all the respect and admiration I feel for Shimma's ability to be vulnerable and open in her response. I haven't shared this on any thread, not even the "Have you ever lost a parent" thread because it still feels like such raw heartbreak... It is not, however, meant to bring or put anyone down!
My father was an anesthesiologist who was diagnosed with diabetes in his late 30s. Much like the woman in the OP's post, he lost his toe a cople of years later. He lost his foot at 43. He stopped working just long enough to learn how to walk with his prosthetic foot and then went back to being an MD and managing his own diabetes.
His mother (my grandmother), his wife (my stepmom) or I (his daughter) could have sworn that he "went back to normal" after the surgery because he never seemed lost or scared in front of any of us. Like you said, Shimma, people sometimes shield those they love...
My dad had a massive heart attack one evening in his office, at the hospital. He was almost 45. I was 24. The autopsy findings were stunning: no human being could possibly have tolerated the amount of morphine that was found in his body. He knew what he was doing since this was his profession... and I faulted him for the past 5 years thinking that he should have shared his pain, been braver, told someone.... even one of his coleagues at work, anyone at all because maybe we (or someone, anyone) could have helped...
thanks, Shimma --you made me rethink my blaming him; your posts made me rethink him.
My father was an anesthesiologist who was diagnosed with diabetes in his late 30s. Much like the woman in the OP's post, he lost his toe a cople of years later. He lost his foot at 43. He stopped working just long enough to learn how to walk with his prosthetic foot and then went back to being an MD and managing his own diabetes.
His mother (my grandmother), his wife (my stepmom) or I (his daughter) could have sworn that he "went back to normal" after the surgery because he never seemed lost or scared in front of any of us. Like you said, Shimma, people sometimes shield those they love...
My dad had a massive heart attack one evening in his office, at the hospital. He was almost 45. I was 24. The autopsy findings were stunning: no human being could possibly have tolerated the amount of morphine that was found in his body. He knew what he was doing since this was his profession... and I faulted him for the past 5 years thinking that he should have shared his pain, been braver, told someone.... even one of his coleagues at work, anyone at all because maybe we (or someone, anyone) could have helped...
thanks, Shimma --you made me rethink my blaming him; your posts made me rethink him.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! So I read this thread last night before going to bed...and I ended up having a dream about my toe being stapled about 7 times and it ended up being AMPUTATED!!!! 
The dream was soo disturbing, and I woke up wondering...WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DREAM SUCH A THING??
Then I came back to TPF this morning and saw this thread once again - BINGO!!!! Vanessa, your thread apparently hit me at the core!!
That is beyong gross and I guess I went to bed with those disturbing thoughts...YUCK!!! 
The dream was soo disturbing, and I woke up wondering...WHY ON EARTH WOULD I DREAM SUCH A THING?? Then I came back to TPF this morning and saw this thread once again - BINGO!!!! Vanessa, your thread apparently hit me at the core!!
That is beyong gross and I guess I went to bed with those disturbing thoughts...YUCK!!! 
Aslan, if you read what I wrote, maybe re-read it if you need to, or just take my word for it, I have not been, I am obliged to confess that I cannot be diplomatic on this particular occasion, so I will have to pretend you paid me some other compliment and thank you for that, or just thank you on general principle.
I don't know if the response would be any different if it were cancer. I think it is just a cultural thing, that the young and healthy are repulsed by sick people, by sick people whose sickness is visible, audible, palpable.
The overwhelming majority of responses, expressing revulsion, laughter, do not surprise me.
What has taken me a bit by surprise is my own reaction to this valuable gift from vanessa and so many others here, this gift of coming face to face with that reality.
I never would have imagined that anything posted on a message board would unleash such a torrent in me, I who have spent a half century merely sneering a bit at racists, for example, I would have thought I had enough inner armor from that alone, and if not, from being female, but no, here it is well into the next day, and I have not slept, the dreams I wrote of earlier were just pill-induced half-sleep, I am ... afraid. I am filled with that sadness on bad steroids we call rage. But why should I be?
We do not all like the same colors, and we cannot expect that we will all be disgusted by the same things.
Diplomatic, you see, I am not.
You have made me cry a much healthier and nobler class of tears than I have been fighting back and losing the battle with for the last several hours.
I have a feeling that whether you put any stock in such notions or not, beginning today, you are going to feel your father with you in a way you have not, in a way you did not even when he was still alive, but ill.
Don't feel bad about blaming him, although I think his presence will let you know that, he chose to have you blame him over having you know too much about "the symptoms." Maybe it is my own pills, but I could swear I feel him giving me a high five.
Those who love the patient suffer as much as the patient.
Now that your father's suffering has ended, yours can too.
I am humbled to think that anything I have said will have helped you, in any small way, to understand, and now you can enjoy his spirit - someone who loved you that much, you know that spirit will never again be farther away than your elbow, peacefully and lovingly annoying, just like all good parents, living or dead.
It was Einstein himself who taught us that matter and energy are neither created nor destroyed. A man of science like your dad will have known that, and now he will be able to remind you of it all the time. Peacefully, lovingly, annoyingly.
If anything could make me feel better today, you have done it. God bless you!
I HATE diabetes, I went to see my doctor about 6 months ago and had all kind of test, I was way more scared of the results of the diabetes test than the HIV or hepatitis. I promised myself if I didnt have diabetes I'd start working out and eating better for once and all. I lost my grandmother because of diabetes so I know how bad it is, she was only 63, extremely young IMO but very sick, she did not loose any toes but lost visibillity in one eye.
I am very sorry for this lady, I agree with Shimma, she must be on medication and she is obviously very sick if she lost a toe already.
Shimma I wish you the best, I love your sense of humor, I'd have never imagined you had diabetes and thank you for posting all this information, its very helpful.
I am very sorry for this lady, I agree with Shimma, she must be on medication and she is obviously very sick if she lost a toe already.
Shimma I wish you the best, I love your sense of humor, I'd have never imagined you had diabetes and thank you for posting all this information, its very helpful.
OMG,
. I totally understand what he did and why he did it. Perhaps he did not want to make you guys suffer. My grandma also died of a masive heart attack. She did not want to die yet. But she lost her battle. A couple of years after her death, my grandfather, a Parkinson's patiente, took all his pills. He wanted to die, he wanted to end his life so bad he offered money to a lady to kill him (she confessed this to my mom after my GF died, she though he was kidding). He suffered so much before he passed away. I read your other thread, I was mad at him too, but we are not here to jugde them, they and only them know why they did it. They are resting now. They are better now, they do not suffer annymore.Sure, if you insist, but to blame the bias on her age instead of assailing her character shows sensitivity (one of the things I mean by diplomatic). I'm sure I'm younger than she was and I felt "ouch" when I read her post. Maybe we are defining the word differently? I mean, getting accross your point without being overtly rude, dismissive, and with a modicum of sensitivity to the other person's position.Aslan, if you read what I wrote, maybe re-read it if you need to, or just take my word for it, I have not been, I am obliged to confess that I cannot be diplomatic on this particular occasion, so I will have to pretend you paid me some other compliment and thank you for that, or just thank you on general principle.
Shimma, I want to thank you for presenting so much information on diabetes. It has given me a new perspective on this disease and those who live with it.
However, I disagree with some of what you've said. I am young (relatively) and I am not repulsed by people with sicknesses. After having been around people who have fought their illnesses tooth and nail, I find it very disturbing that the woman from OP's office continues to engage in behavior that will counter the treatment she receives. From OP's description, she's not indulging every now and then - it's constant. Yes, she's sick, and I feel badly that she is so sick, but how much can I feel for her when her own actions exacerbate the situation?
It is not my intention to insult anyone and sincerely hope I don't, but I just wanted to give my honest opinion.
However, I disagree with some of what you've said. I am young (relatively) and I am not repulsed by people with sicknesses. After having been around people who have fought their illnesses tooth and nail, I find it very disturbing that the woman from OP's office continues to engage in behavior that will counter the treatment she receives. From OP's description, she's not indulging every now and then - it's constant. Yes, she's sick, and I feel badly that she is so sick, but how much can I feel for her when her own actions exacerbate the situation?
It is not my intention to insult anyone and sincerely hope I don't, but I just wanted to give my honest opinion.
Well, if I managed a modicum, I am glad to hear it, and while I think that youth is a factor in many cases, I am obliged to concede that the original post will, does and has "resonated" with the overwhelming majority, of all ages, shapes and sizes.
And I am pleased to hear that I have succeeded in my goal of accepting character without assailing it. It is, as they say in California, what it is.
The modicum, however, is born of pure sadness. As I noted in a private conversation on the subject, that insatiable maw that is the draconian law of pandemic numbers obliges all of us who fall outside that overwhelming disgusted majority to put aside our hurt, our rage, which is just more hurt, and then take it up once again, for that spirit of Office Woman Future, as the chilling reality of that immutable law that reminds us that some of those disgusted and laughing at Office Woman Present, are doomed one day to look down in horror at their own former foot. Or the unspeakably worse certainty, their child's former foot. I know you believe in NotGod, but I have spent much of today imploring all applicable deities, djinns and spirits that if that damn Chac Mool of a law of numbers cannot be thwarted, then at least let me do all the remembering. I know that very few will bother reading that lame Christmas Carol pillrant a few posts back, but anyone who does read it will understand.
May all deities, etc bless your "ouch." It is not an easy road to walk, that lonely way of the ouch, of the compassion that will meet disease on its own limit and condition-free ground, life as a Just Say No to Cruelty dorkmutant. If cultural change is slow, evolution is slower, and we can only imagine just how totally not easy life was for those first dorky hominids who strained and struggled until tremblingly, they raised and tottered - on two legs.
Dear Shimma,
All of your posts make me feel extremely stupid. I have an IQ of 136 and I have to read your posts over and over! LOL I love it! Keep posting oh verbal one!!!
Selena
You are more than welcome. I must remind you that the only thing I am a bona fide expert on is how symptomatic peripheral neuropathy feels, what it, and the medications to control those symptoms, to take that edge off, do to lives, to minds, to loved ones.
It is my hope that your new perspective includes a plan to go get your finger pricked
and not just once, but every year, depending on your ethnicity, maybe every three months.Diabetes alone is extremely treatable, and diabetics live normal lives.
It is the complications of diabetes that are - literally - the killers. And the best way to avoid those complications, or at least give yourself a chance at lessening them, even if your biological family tree will have bestowed upon you a near certainty of getting the disease at some point, is to have your blood sugar checked often enough so that you do not have more than three months' worth of complications when you are diagnosed.
I would not accuse the woman of rational behavior, nor the capacity for it, at this point. I do not know if she is driven by pain, by pills that control pain, but at a price (and I can tell you that it is a very high price, and I am not talking about dollars in the drugstore cash register) or by the desperation and despair that will be experienced by someone whose foot is falling off, whose life is falling off.
Only you can decide whether and how much you will feel for someone in that situation, whether it is a woman you don't know who works in the office of an online acquaintance, or if it will someday please the law of pandemic numbers to bring it closer to home.
I hope that will not happen, I pray that this and a host of other questions wiil always be hypotheticals for you.
At the same time, pandemics being what they are, and that ogre of a law of numbers being what it is, it is more than good, it is simple prudence and good sense that you are thinking about it, asking how much you can feel, just in case you are someday placed in the unenviable and beyond unpleasant situation of feeling a whole lot of things that you would not wish on your worst enemy.