Living with a man and not working...
- Thread starter IntlSet
- Start date
Geeeeeeeeez. I never posted a definition of "feminism" as being a "stay at home wife", hun. My personal opinions and beliefs. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. And I am old fashioned AND anti-feminism. I apologize for petting your peeve.
Thanks.
I don't like it PERSONALLY but am not passing judgment.
IMO, she's a kept woman unless there's a reason for her to be home and not working. For example, kids to take care of (true whether married or not!). However, if she's home all day and not doing anything and is using her BF's salary to support herself, I do have a problem with it, for the mere fact that if the unmarried couple splits up, she gets nothing (at least I am pretty sure of this, it may be different in certain states). So, in effect, the girlfriend is at the mercy of her boyfriend to give her money, and she becomes as dependent as a child on him. This would open up the door for the unfortunate situation that if the girlfriend is unhappy, or worst, abused, she will not feel like she can leave the relationship. Also, if the boyfriend decides to end the relationship, she gets nothing, and has no job to go back to or experience to put on her resume. It's 2006, honestly, and women should feel empowered to have a job if there aren't any kids to take care of, instead of being a kept woman. I would hate to be dependent on someone, particularly if there was no marriage certificate to take to court to divvy up the assets in case of a bump in the road!
I have to say though, I am sure everybody's responses/opinions are based on his/her own life. For example, I think most people who are very educated (at least a college degree, most likely a graduate/professional degree) will not settle to stay at home for a boyfriend. I think that perhaps people who do want to stay at home had that same situation in their own lives, growing up, or maybe don't have career aspirations except for getting married and having a family.
I don't think anybody should be taking anything personally, whichever way your opinions cut: we don't know each other, and our opinions are simply that -- our opinions!
IMO, she's a kept woman unless there's a reason for her to be home and not working. For example, kids to take care of (true whether married or not!). However, if she's home all day and not doing anything and is using her BF's salary to support herself, I do have a problem with it, for the mere fact that if the unmarried couple splits up, she gets nothing (at least I am pretty sure of this, it may be different in certain states). So, in effect, the girlfriend is at the mercy of her boyfriend to give her money, and she becomes as dependent as a child on him. This would open up the door for the unfortunate situation that if the girlfriend is unhappy, or worst, abused, she will not feel like she can leave the relationship. Also, if the boyfriend decides to end the relationship, she gets nothing, and has no job to go back to or experience to put on her resume. It's 2006, honestly, and women should feel empowered to have a job if there aren't any kids to take care of, instead of being a kept woman. I would hate to be dependent on someone, particularly if there was no marriage certificate to take to court to divvy up the assets in case of a bump in the road!
I have to say though, I am sure everybody's responses/opinions are based on his/her own life. For example, I think most people who are very educated (at least a college degree, most likely a graduate/professional degree) will not settle to stay at home for a boyfriend. I think that perhaps people who do want to stay at home had that same situation in their own lives, growing up, or maybe don't have career aspirations except for getting married and having a family.
I don't think anybody should be taking anything personally, whichever way your opinions cut: we don't know each other, and our opinions are simply that -- our opinions!
Agreed. I think it's fine for a while-moving to a new place or something like that, but long term, you could really be setting yourself up for a disaster if the relationship ends. If you aren't contributing to a savings account & there's no marriage- you could be left homeless, jobless and penniless. That's not a position I'd ever want to be in!
As long as the woman understands the legal ramifications of her actions, then so be it. I would not be comfortable without my name on the house, a vehicle in my name, or credit cards where I was not the primary account holder, but that's my choice and may not be right for everyone.
I am married and I do stay home with the children. I make an enormous contribution to the family, despite not working outside the home. But the laws are also on my side regarding community property, etc. if the rug was ever pulled from under me.
I am married and I do stay home with the children. I make an enormous contribution to the family, despite not working outside the home. But the laws are also on my side regarding community property, etc. if the rug was ever pulled from under me.
I am somewhat in this kind of situation.
After my boyfriend got a promotion, he needed to move to another city and had asked me to move in with him. I had to leave my apartment of 8 years, my family, my job, (ya get the drift) and start a new life with him. I didn't work at first and enjoyed the "vacation" from bills and responsibilities. I did temp work every now and then... He took care of everything. It was nice at first.
When we had to move again since he got pulled for an even bigger project, he was worried that he will be busier than usual and that I'll get bored. He encouraged me to be more active, get outta the house, do something. LoL I've been working part-time for a few hours each day at a neighborhood shop. He still pays for all expenses in the household but he is adamant that I save my earnings for me.
I do take care of what needs to be taken care of as far as the apartment is concerned. He acts insulted whenever I say "his apartment", "his stuff" and corrects me by saying it is "ours". He is a traditional guy... He doesn't spoil me 24/7, gives me nice gifts only on special occassions and asks me if I need money for certain outings but not a regular allowance. It wouldn't surprise me if people think that I'm a "kept woman" but he IS a handful(!!!) and with constantly having to move from one city to another for his career, I think he feels luckier than I'm around than vice versa.
We're not married, no engagement ring to speak of, and no, we have no kids. It is quite nice to be loved by a man who handles his sh*t and knows how to take care of business, but if this all ends tomorrow, I have to say, I'm glad for the experience. I've learned a thing or two about myself because of our living situation. It's been a fun ride and still a fun ride. I want to see how far we can take this thing... minus the ring. The ring would freak me out!
p.s. My old apartment is ready and waiting if/when I ever return "home". LoL That I made sure of.
After my boyfriend got a promotion, he needed to move to another city and had asked me to move in with him. I had to leave my apartment of 8 years, my family, my job, (ya get the drift) and start a new life with him. I didn't work at first and enjoyed the "vacation" from bills and responsibilities. I did temp work every now and then... He took care of everything. It was nice at first.
When we had to move again since he got pulled for an even bigger project, he was worried that he will be busier than usual and that I'll get bored. He encouraged me to be more active, get outta the house, do something. LoL I've been working part-time for a few hours each day at a neighborhood shop. He still pays for all expenses in the household but he is adamant that I save my earnings for me.
I do take care of what needs to be taken care of as far as the apartment is concerned. He acts insulted whenever I say "his apartment", "his stuff" and corrects me by saying it is "ours". He is a traditional guy... He doesn't spoil me 24/7, gives me nice gifts only on special occassions and asks me if I need money for certain outings but not a regular allowance. It wouldn't surprise me if people think that I'm a "kept woman" but he IS a handful(!!!) and with constantly having to move from one city to another for his career, I think he feels luckier than I'm around than vice versa.
We're not married, no engagement ring to speak of, and no, we have no kids. It is quite nice to be loved by a man who handles his sh*t and knows how to take care of business, but if this all ends tomorrow, I have to say, I'm glad for the experience. I've learned a thing or two about myself because of our living situation. It's been a fun ride and still a fun ride. I want to see how far we can take this thing... minus the ring. The ring would freak me out!
p.s. My old apartment is ready and waiting if/when I ever return "home". LoL That I made sure of.
Marriage is a LOT more than a piece of paper. It is
So, it answer to your question, yes, a kept woman. Also, if the roles were reversed, he would be a kept man.
- a commitment,
- a partnership,
- in some religions a sacrament which leads those in it closer to God,
- a legal contract,
- and (this is for the historians and sociologists) the structure of civilization.
So, it answer to your question, yes, a kept woman. Also, if the roles were reversed, he would be a kept man.
I hope people overall don't feel too judged in this thread. I think it has been generally civil. Not like one of those threads where you think Truman dropped the A-bomb. 
I think people have mentioned varying views frequently on what they would do personally. It's human nature to want your choices validated by others. One of the main themes/questions as mentioned is how much risk you are willing to take. As many of have you have pointed out, if you are not married the law does not protect you and if you are hopefully the law will protect you, but I'm sure there are ladies out there who have gotten screwed over in their divorce. If you know what you are getting yourself into and are secure with your decision whatever it may be then I'd leave it at that.
I think people have mentioned varying views frequently on what they would do personally. It's human nature to want your choices validated by others. One of the main themes/questions as mentioned is how much risk you are willing to take. As many of have you have pointed out, if you are not married the law does not protect you and if you are hopefully the law will protect you, but I'm sure there are ladies out there who have gotten screwed over in their divorce. If you know what you are getting yourself into and are secure with your decision whatever it may be then I'd leave it at that.
My opinion is that it's the business of the couple. I think it is important to reiterate that there's plenty of (albeit unpaid) labor to do around a house that certainly takes time and energy and is absolutely "work." If the arrangement is such that they're both contributing to the quality of their lives as a couple, even if one of the contributions isn't strictly in terms of earning financial capital, that contribution still holds value.