i'm freaking out...someone please comfort me!
- Thread starter vuittonamour
- Start date
Sweetie he is lucky to have such a caring gf like you.
If he doesn't appreciate how awesome you are, find someone who does
If he doesn't appreciate how awesome you are, find someone who does
im glad hes ok, but he doesnt sound so considerate or fair with you and this relationship from what i've read. i hope things work out and always remember, you deserve the very best and you should never be treated any less. relationships are 50/50, not 80/20. 
Good luck with everything.
Good luck with everything. I'm glad he's ok and it was sweet of you to worry. I went through a similar situation too. My bf has a house up in the poconos and he was there with his parents. He usually walks out somewhere to get reception and call me. Call me crazy but I always worry if they got into an accident while driving on mountain roads, etc. I didn't hear from him at all for the whole weekend and my calls wouldn't go through. As a girlfriend, I was worried sick and I thought the worse. And when I finally did get through, it turned out he was ok.
Reading your posts, I found some similarities between our boyfriend's. Mine would say "Do I have to check in all the time?" When i'm so used to always keeping in touch, it kind of throws me off when my bf needs a little space. But that's simply what it is, maybe something is going on with your boyfriend and he's stressed. So maybe that's why you're feeling vibes. As you said, you'll see him soon. You can always talk face to face and clear some things out if you need to.
Reading your posts, I found some similarities between our boyfriend's. Mine would say "Do I have to check in all the time?" When i'm so used to always keeping in touch, it kind of throws me off when my bf needs a little space. But that's simply what it is, maybe something is going on with your boyfriend and he's stressed. So maybe that's why you're feeling vibes. As you said, you'll see him soon. You can always talk face to face and clear some things out if you need to.
I am glad he is ok and that you are at least having peace of mind about that.
my 2 cents about the checking in comment: don't worry, men are like that, and worse sometimes. my hubby is a shining example: he just hate the constant questions (and I am question - queen... so you get the pic). he hates where are you? are you ok? are you upset with me??? etc, and frankly I can see his point by now. I have learned after some time that it can just be too much - now I can't say for yourself of course, this is based on ME, because I am terrible like that
. my point is: he may just feel stressed bec he is very busy at work and maybe he feels that you are adding to it, kwim? (i mean to say this in a nice way and hope it comes across like that).
what I do in this situation - no asking whatsoever, no discussing and no arguing. (you worried so only fair you said that). we are also long-distance so I know where you are coming from. I just chat away about myself, and seriously it works. I may casually ask how his day was. you wanna talk - here is an invitation. you don't - ok then. it helps for his peace and my sanity, kwim? I just had to stop worrying. period. and be the fun person he can relax with, or share my work issues etc to concentrate on something else.
now my husband is a real gem and star - and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. so it is worth whatever things we are facing with each other - (had to say that so it doesn't sound so negative...). i hope it all works out for you.
my 2 cents about the checking in comment: don't worry, men are like that, and worse sometimes. my hubby is a shining example: he just hate the constant questions (and I am question - queen... so you get the pic). he hates where are you? are you ok? are you upset with me??? etc, and frankly I can see his point by now. I have learned after some time that it can just be too much - now I can't say for yourself of course, this is based on ME, because I am terrible like that
. my point is: he may just feel stressed bec he is very busy at work and maybe he feels that you are adding to it, kwim? (i mean to say this in a nice way and hope it comes across like that).what I do in this situation - no asking whatsoever, no discussing and no arguing. (you worried so only fair you said that). we are also long-distance so I know where you are coming from. I just chat away about myself, and seriously it works. I may casually ask how his day was. you wanna talk - here is an invitation. you don't - ok then. it helps for his peace and my sanity, kwim? I just had to stop worrying. period. and be the fun person he can relax with, or share my work issues etc to concentrate on something else.
now my husband is a real gem and star - and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. so it is worth whatever things we are facing with each other -
(had to say that so it doesn't sound so negative...). i hope it all works out for you.
thanks girls, i really appreciate everyone's 2 cents with this. the thing is, everything is still so new. i only met him in march on a cruise and from there, when we had to leave each other it was like the world was ending. tears flowing on both sides. we just clicked, and the week after we got home both of us were so happy we had found someone so amazing that both of us were on cloud nine.
and then it got harder. i see him on cam as often as we can and i think that made it easier that i could at least see him but harder at the same time because it's like he's right there but i can't touch him. but he's definitely a lot busier than i am. he works a lot more, plus had school (up until thursday) and a lot of his friends still live near him which is not the case with me, so he goes out "cruising" every weekend. fine with me, as long as he calls me to let me know he's okay. i look forward to those phone calls. so last night when it was the first time that i didn't get that "hey baby i'm on my way home" i freaked out, completely lost it as it got later and later.
i still haven't had a chance to talk to him as both of us were at work -- i just got off about an hour ago but he will be at work until about 7. when it's busy, he can't talk. i don't want to make this into a huge deal because maybe i was overreacting, but i think all i am going to say was that i was worried about him and the last thing i want is for him to feel like he has to check in with me, it is just comforting to know he's okay and on his way home.
to me, (i hope this is how he feels) that unless we're together, it's just passing time. keep telling myself "just get through the next three weeks" -- if i could pass the time faster i would because i don't feel whole unless he's by my side. he was just here about three weeks ago and i had to wait a while before we could find a time for me to fly out there. not until may 31. i have a feeling things will change significantly when i'm out there at his house, where everything is familiar to him AND he can have his girlfriend by his side. when he was here things were new and i think he felt a little uneasy, but of course he'd never say so.
at least that's what i'm hoping. i just hope he still sees those qualitites that made him fall for me in the first place. i just hope he's not bored.
and then it got harder. i see him on cam as often as we can and i think that made it easier that i could at least see him but harder at the same time because it's like he's right there but i can't touch him. but he's definitely a lot busier than i am. he works a lot more, plus had school (up until thursday) and a lot of his friends still live near him which is not the case with me, so he goes out "cruising" every weekend. fine with me, as long as he calls me to let me know he's okay. i look forward to those phone calls. so last night when it was the first time that i didn't get that "hey baby i'm on my way home" i freaked out, completely lost it as it got later and later.
i still haven't had a chance to talk to him as both of us were at work -- i just got off about an hour ago but he will be at work until about 7. when it's busy, he can't talk. i don't want to make this into a huge deal because maybe i was overreacting, but i think all i am going to say was that i was worried about him and the last thing i want is for him to feel like he has to check in with me, it is just comforting to know he's okay and on his way home.
to me, (i hope this is how he feels) that unless we're together, it's just passing time. keep telling myself "just get through the next three weeks" -- if i could pass the time faster i would because i don't feel whole unless he's by my side. he was just here about three weeks ago and i had to wait a while before we could find a time for me to fly out there. not until may 31. i have a feeling things will change significantly when i'm out there at his house, where everything is familiar to him AND he can have his girlfriend by his side. when he was here things were new and i think he felt a little uneasy, but of course he'd never say so.
at least that's what i'm hoping. i just hope he still sees those qualitites that made him fall for me in the first place. i just hope he's not bored.
I am glad he is ok and that you are at least having peace of mind about that.
my 2 cents about the checking in comment: don't worry, men are like that, and worse sometimes. my hubby is a shining example: he just hate the constant questions (and I am question - queen... so you get the pic). he hates where are you? are you ok? are you upset with me??? etc, and frankly I can see his point by now. I have learned after some time that it can just be too much - now I can't say for yourself of course, this is based on ME, because I am terrible like that
what I do in this situation - no asking whatsoever, no discussing and no arguing. (you worried so only fair you said that). we are also long-distance so I know where you are coming from. I just chat away about myself, and seriously it works. I may casually ask how his day was. you wanna talk - here is an invitation. you don't - ok then. it helps for his peace and my sanity, kwim? I just had to stop worrying. period. and be the fun person he can relax with, or share my work issues etc to concentrate on something else.
now my husband is a real gem and star - and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. so it is worth whatever things we are facing with each other -
nope, i totally know where you're coming from which is why i keep telling myself i need to back off and stop being annoying, as i think i may be. i know i ask a lot of questions sometimes -- "are you okay? you sure? is there something you're not telling me? are you having second thoughts?" -- that he probably doesnt even want to touch. he knows i am an over analyzer, he knows i think a lot and sometimes i do think my mind runs away with me and my thoughts do get a bit off the wall. and he may just be shrugging off this whole thing because maybe he just went to bed last night without even really thinking about it -- like he said, he didn't mean to make me worry. he's a guy, guys are stupid, and this one is quite young so he is still learning. so all i am going to say is that i was really worried -- here's why, and please just make sure you let me know you're okay. he should understand since his passion is freakin street racing. and the things he tells me about how fast he goes on the road and how he was going over a 100MPH when this person pulls out right in front of him and he has to swerve...at 100MPH...
sorry. but after hearing stuff like that it's going to make me worry about him. and he tells me not to worry but i say i have to, it's my nature. i care about him so it's not like i can stop the worrying on my own. it comes with the package.
Quick question...how old are you and your bf? The way I look at it is try not being so needy. Obviously he was having a grand old time and forgot to call you. I am sure if he was hurt, his friends would of called you. I had a bf once that would constantly call me when I was out with my friends asking what I was doing. I would say "same thing I was doing 20 minutes ago, I will call you when I get home". He would still call me and I always ended up turning off my cell phone. It got really annoying. But that's just me.
i'm 22, he's 19. thing is i don't constantly call him. he called me at 8:30 when he got off work, 9:30 when he left to go out, and usually around 12-1, there's the expected "hi sweetie i'm on my way home" -- i don't call him between those times. i text him around 1 and didn't get a reply so i called around 1:30. nothing, so i called again an hour later and when he still didn't answer i just got really worried since he's never not called me on his way home before.
i know i've been needy. and i'm working on stopping it so he doesn't think i'm crazy. thing is i don't think his friends would have called me because i don't really know them yet. i've only met one (whom i don't even think he was hanging out with him last night) since i've never been out there before. so they don't really know me either, and probably wouldn't think to call me. after they meet me i'm pretty sure someone would.
I'm glad that he is okay. I hope he never does anything like that to you again.
so, turns out he's gotten impatient with me. can't say i blame him, i guess i have been asking too many questions or being too "needy" lately. the only thing i can do at this point is just drop the phone. don't call him, don't text him, don't ask him annoying questions -- just be assured myself that he still cares about me and wants the same things i want. it hurts so bad though to hear him say things are on the rocks after everything was just so perfect.
my mom says the reason he stopped calling and texting so much was because he feels secure in the relationship. and with me constantly asking if he's okay or if he's having second thoughts is just showing that i'm insecure. so here i sit once again, late night, knowing he won't call since he feels like he's "checking in" with me now when he comes home late. damn, i shouldn't have left that voicemail last night.
he says we'll see what happens and it just makes me nervous. i'm just going to act like everything is fine and dandy and not think about this crap, and before i know it things probably will be fine and dandy. i just need to relax and not question his feelings because it only makes him frusterated and it only makes my mind wonder and worry more if i get a response i didn't exactly want to hear.
my mom says the reason he stopped calling and texting so much was because he feels secure in the relationship. and with me constantly asking if he's okay or if he's having second thoughts is just showing that i'm insecure. so here i sit once again, late night, knowing he won't call since he feels like he's "checking in" with me now when he comes home late. damn, i shouldn't have left that voicemail last night.
he says we'll see what happens and it just makes me nervous. i'm just going to act like everything is fine and dandy and not think about this crap, and before i know it things probably will be fine and dandy. i just need to relax and not question his feelings because it only makes him frusterated and it only makes my mind wonder and worry more if i get a response i didn't exactly want to hear.
^^^Hang in there girl, I was in two different long distance relationships at your age. I have no words of wisdom because they are hard and I was also a worrier and insecure like you. Try to hang in there until you see him in two weeks and maybe that will give you a better idea on how to proceed.
Take care!
Take care!
i am so sorry it turned out this way hon ... plenty of hugs from me on the way to you ! so what now arent u supposed to call him or text him anymore ? and just wait until he contacts you ?
and most important are you sure you want to be in a long distance relationship ? or is it possible for you to or him to relocate? im simply asking because i had 3 serious long distance relationships in my life and i promised myself never again ... it is too painful and helpless for me when you cant be with the one you love...
i dont know but you have been together so shortly - like 2 months? - you should both still have butterflies in your stomachs, wanting to have as much contact with each other as possible, not getting "impatient" with the other person ... good luck hon ! let us know how ur getting on :kiss:
so what now arent u supposed to call him or text him anymore ? and just wait until he contacts you ? and most important are you sure you want to be in a long distance relationship ? or is it possible for you to or him to relocate? im simply asking because i had 3 serious long distance relationships in my life and i promised myself never again ... it is too painful and helpless for me when you cant be with the one you love...
i dont know but you have been together so shortly - like 2 months? - you should both still have butterflies in your stomachs, wanting to have as much contact with each other as possible, not getting "impatient" with the other person ... good luck hon ! let us know how ur getting on :kiss:
Vuittonamour--I am very impressed...you seem very mature for your age
You are handling this situation well IMHO and I think it is also good that you communicate your feelings with your BF well.
You have NOTHING to feel dumb about...ANY girl in your situation would have been worried SICK!
You are handling this situation well IMHO and I think it is also good that you communicate your feelings with your BF well.
You have NOTHING to feel dumb about...ANY girl in your situation would have been worried SICK!