I feel terrible :(

Adore

Adore

"BLONDIE"
Sep 17, 2006
1,695
1
#1
A brother of my boyfriends friend passed away, I don't know how long they'd been out of touch but had been close growing up.

I feel so terrible because I asked him if I'd be coming along. Thank God I've not had many funerals in my life, just a FEW. So I don't know the etiquette about funerals. But his dad goes to funerals a lot without his mom and his parents are VERY close... but I didn't -know-. He took it the wrong way and felt like I was just trying to spend time with him.
I explained it to him that I don't actually know how people are at funerals and if anyone brings someone with them who doesn't know the person, and he was perfectly fine with it. I'm glad he understood. I'm sure people do but he is one who feels that way.

But then today I asked him, so... when is the funeral? And he told me, he was fine with it, and I dropped the subject. I asked him before he left my house, are you going to work after the funeral? And he was so mad at me, he wouldn't answer!

He has seemed like himself, not quiet and not upset, but I'm sure he is upset. But because everythings like it always is I was just comfortable to ask him, not realizing it's actually a sensitive subject.

Now I feel rotten and I won't feel any better until I talk to him again. I don't know if I will tonight and I'm feeling so down I can't relax. I feel terrible and stupid, like I should have been more sensitive.

:sad:
 
#2
You didn't do anything intentionally, you honestly didn't know.


Apologize to him and explain you've never really dealt with a funeral before.



Wait for him to tell you if he wants you to come with him, Otherwise, just be there for him.
 
#3
his reaction to your questions (which seem, to me, perfectly innocent and reasonable) was not appropriate, but in my experience, this is how some guys act when someone they're close to passes away. my best male friend had a friend die last summer in a car accident, and the day it happened, he picked a really weird fight with me. a lot of guys don't know how to let their feelings out in a healthy way, so it just kinda finds its way out wherever it can. i'd just tread lightly and allow him to deal with his loss, unless it goes on so long that it's having a serious negative effect on your relationship.

my most recent ex (we're still quite close friend) lost a very dear friend of his from high school yesterday. he went to the memorial service today, and i believe the funeral is tomorrow. i'm having a very hard time picking the right words :-/
 
#4
It's okay....you just didn't know. And also, this is probably a hard time for him too, so he may be slightly more sensative than usual. Just apologize and explain that you haven't been to many funerals. You can be there for each other.
 
#5
In all honesty I would need more details to give any advice. I've not attended many funerals but your situation was not that confusing to me. Ive been through deaths including a friend of my bf. Can you provide a few additional details? I think you may have had it rough with no ill intentions from people. :smile:
 
#6
Oh I feel so bad for your bf even if they werent too close lately he"s stll his brother> i am sure it has to be painful> just tell him that if he ever needs to talk or just a listening ear your there>
 
#9
aw now I'm kind of feeling bad, like what if some other girl wants to console him if he's upset? I'm feeling like that's MYYYY place.

Now I'm all paranoid. I know that sounds stupid but now I feel like wow maybe I should be there to be there for him in the moment. I'm already not going and I'm not going to talk about it again though. I'm just going to be supportive from here...
I don't think I want to go for the right reasons anyway if I just want to make sure I'm the one consoling him.

But it's like TWO days, one for the wake and then the funeral so it's going to be a while until I relax.

blah help me relax :sad:((
 
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