How to confront a friend who hits on your boyfriend?

Sternchen

Sternchen

O.G.
May 16, 2006
24,716
97
#1
This aftenroon, Bart and I went out to lunch with my friend Antje. I went to the bathroom and while I was on my way out, I saw Antje putting her hands on Bart and playing with his fingers and him looking really uncomfortable and annoyed and trying to pull his hand away.

I didn't say anything to her about it at the time because I wasn't sure what was going on. On our ride home, Bart told me that she had been flirting with him and being really touchy feely, and everytime that he would try to push her away, she would just do it again. :cursing:

...I'm not sure on what exactly to say to her? I'm so angry that I wouldn't even be able to form a comprehendable sentence to say to her!!!

Have any of you ever have your friend hit on and flirt with your boyfriend????
 
#4
lamiastella said:
You're absolutely right...She doesn't even deserve a confrontation from me. I just can't believe that some people have the audacity to do something like that :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing:
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You're right. She does not deserve you saying anything to her about it at all. She knows what she did.

Sounds like you have a good boyfriend though!:yahoo: Keep him - but dump her for sure. A "friend" would never, ever do that to you.
 
#5
I agree. I don't think you can call a person who does that a "friend". And she didn't even do it in secret! Out in the open like that... I don't think she even cared if you'd find out. Just tell her that you and your boyfriend find her disgusting for doing that and that you are no longer friends. Or was she very drunk? Then I might forgive her if I was you.. :S
 
#6
print*model said:
You're right. She does not deserve you saying anything to her about it at all. She knows what she did.

Sounds like you have a good boyfriend though!:yahoo: Keep him - but dump her for sure. A "friend" would never, ever do that to you.
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You're right :smile: He is a good boyfriend! We actually just got back together a few weeks ago :smile: We had broken up because he does a lot of traveling for his own business, and I was being a baby and couldn't deal with him going between Geneva and Paris for overnight trips...But I think that was because I was bored and home alone, haha. Now that school is starting in October, I'll have that to occupy my time with when he's gone!
 
#7
ruusu said:
I agree. I don't think you can call a person who does that a "friend". And she didn't even do it in secret! Out in the open like that... I don't think she even cared if you'd find out. Just tell her that you and your boyfriend find her disgusting for doing that and that you are no longer friends. Or was she very drunk? Then I might forgive her if I was you.. :S
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Nope, not drunk at all. I've never known her to be a drinker, but I do know that she goes through boyfriends like tissues. So...:rolleyes:

Either way, she's outta here!!
 
#8
It depends on how good of a friend she is. If she's someone who has been in your life for a very long time and you really care about then it's worth talking to her about it.

I had an experience where my bestfriend was flirting with my boyfriend once and it was really obvious to me and I was really angry at her for it. When I confronted her about it she broke down crying and said that she'd just gone on a date with a guy who totally rejected her (in a REALLY mean way) and she was feeling extremely undesirable and that she hadn't even realized she was flirting and she felt terrible. I realized she was just doing it because she was feeling so terribly about herself.

Anyway, we've remained the best of friends and she's never ever acted like that toward my boyfriend again.

If this person is someone you don't care about at all then by all means just get rid of her and get on with life, but if you truly care about this person as a friend then it's worth it to see where this behavior is coming from and why before making that kind of decision.

Good luck!!
 
#9
If you value the friendship, you should consider confronting her in a calm manner. If on the other hand, this is strike three (or five, or ten) then it's probably not worth it to waste your energy trying to salvage an already broken relationship. For now, take comfort in knowing that your boyfriend cares a lot for you and has no feelings for your so called friend.
 
#10
Unacceptable behavior coming from a so-called friend of yours. End it. If it was me, my valuable friendship with her would've lost all value at that point. There are certain things, certain boundaries......that's unacceptable.
 
#11
I'd end it probably with out an explanation... unless she sought me out for one. That is really unacceptable. Relationships are hard enough with out keeping someone around you who is purposefully trying to cause problems and not respectful of the two of you. I'm glad you were able to see that your bf wasn't going along with what she was trying to do, and he was upfront with you.
 
#12
I would tell her exactly what your boyfriend told you and ask her to explain herself. I can't see what she would say to make it okay but would want to give her the chance to try to explain. Then dump her. She isn't a friend.
 
#13
Virgo said:
I would tell her exactly what your boyfriend told you and ask her to explain herself. I can't see what she would say to make it okay but would want to give her the chance to try to explain. Then dump her. She isn't a friend.
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^^ agree 100% give her a chance to explain but don't expect it to make sense. who knows? maybe it was a one time thing and if not, dump her.
 
#14
She actually came over to my boyfriend's house about 1 hour 10 minutes ago to talk to me. She sat there and explained her side of the story that it was just "innocent" and that she didn't mean anything by it.

But by the way that I saw her acting and the way Bart was reacting, and from what Bart told me about what she did, I don't buy it.

I flat out told her that I don't buy it and I thought it would be best that she left and left me alone. So she did, and smiled and waved goodbye to Bart, who returned it with one of the nastiest looks I've ever seen.
 
#15
^^ Glad Bart knows where his bread is buttered!! He's a keeper for sure.
So sorry about your (former?) girlfriend's feeble excuse of an explanation. But at least you know now pretty quickly after it happened so you can focus on finding better friends!
 
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