How much right does a bridesmaid have...

#31
babypie said:
Like I said earlier, it's the comfort and foot spillage issue I'm worried about most - if you have wide feet you know it's embarassing to think of being in a room full of people with your feet looking squished into a pair of unflattering shoes. Much like someone with a bit of extra body weight might feel concerened about wearing an unflattering dress. Does that make sense?
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Frankly, this is about you being self concious. Chances are (and I don't exactly have the most narrow of feet) most people are going to be looking at the bride.

What you're saying makes sense, yes, it just doesn't mean that I agree with it.

In my opinion, it sounds like you've ultimately made up your mind about what you plan to do no matter what advice you end up recieveing.
 
#32
if I understand right your future SIL has asked you and her sisters to contribute by being bridesmaids. so this is really a family matter - I think ShimmaPuff wasn't saying you are petty but rather the fact that you have to pay for things yourself is - and I am inclined to agree bec personally I don't think this is really your job. But then we don't do bridesmaids and their matching outfits here so I don't know this etiquette.

but I know this: she is your future SIL, and to get the family situation off to a good start just get it over with. like someone else said: you agreed to do it. if she has a fit bec you change shoes later, chances are she really cares about what you wear. her sisters will most likely not argue her choice. depending on your relationship I would either just wear whatever she wants and change at some point during the reception if you really can't stand the shoes. or if you are friends enough you could bring it up before.
 
#33
I hope I dont offend anyone here, if I do I am really sorry but I really dont get why the bride has to pick outfits for her wedding party! This particular practice in my opinion has GOTTA GO! It just seems like such an extra hassle for the bride and stress for the bridesmaids. Thay way the bride can simply focus on other things including her own attire better. Peoples tastes vary and are different, why not simply give everyone a swatch of the colour and tell them to go and pick their own outfit. I did that with my maid of honour (no bridesmaids) and many of my friends do the same. All this for some photos of people in uniform! I have seen some pretty hideous bridesmaid dresses and shoes in my lifetime.

If I were you I would bring a change of shoes!
 
#34
babypie said:
I dont think I'm being petty in being concerned that my feet will hurt...
Being petty would be if I were refusing to wear a certain shoe or color...
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:roflmfao::roflmfao:
babypie, go back and re-read the post you were replying to, and when you stop laughing, read my subsequent post, and you will see that a) I am very possibly more on your side than anybody else, b) I am right, and c) getting me started on this subject is not a bit pretty.
 
#35
ShimmaPuff said:
:roflmfao::roflmfao:
babypie, go back and re-read the post you were replying to, and when you stop laughing, read my subsequent post, and you will see that a) I am very possibly more on your side than anybody else, b) I am right, and c) getting me started on this subject is not a bit pretty.
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a) I know, I read your other post and I agree. It's interesting to think about how being a bridesmaid has morphed into something so different from it's original meaning. Interesting points.
b) Ok :rolleyes:
c) I know how to spell pretty, I was referring to this quote: "OK, Now this thread has officially set off Double Wedding Petiquette Peeve Alarms." Sorry if I misunderstood :smile:
 
#37
If they hurt your feet, tell her. I'm sure she will understand. But if you just don't like the color or style, I would not say anything because it is her day.
 
#39
babypie said:
I know how to spell pretty, I was referring to this quote: "OK, Now this thread has officially set off Double Wedding Petiquette Peeve Alarms." Sorry if I misunderstood :smile:
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LOL I meant Petiquette as in Etiquette-related Pet Peeve, the Pet Peeve in this instance being that whole thing of having bridesmaids pay for the privilege of honoring their friend the bride.

Suggesting, much less requiring, that anyone wear shoes that are painful or uncomfortable takes the whole thing to a different level, one that, in fact, would make me even more uncomfortable than the shoes. Frankly, at that point, I would find myself in the beyond-uncomfortable position of being obliged to rethink my opinion of the individual, and thus my friendship with her, and under those circumstances, it would not be appropriate for me to even attend her wedding, much less be in it!
 
#40
I haven't been in a lot of weddings but my sister has. she has worn more dresses that just weren't right for her figure or were just plain uncomfortable. she just always smiled and sucked it up. The things we do for those we love...
 
#42
ledaatomica said:
I hope I dont offend anyone here, if I do I am really sorry but I really dont get why the bride has to pick outfits for her wedding party! This particular practice in my opinion has GOTTA GO! It just seems like such an extra hassle for the bride and stress for the bridesmaids. Thay way the bride can simply focus on other things including her own attire better. Peoples tastes vary and are different, why not simply give everyone a swatch of the colour and tell them to go and pick their own outfit. I did that with my maid of honour (no bridesmaids) and many of my friends do the same. All this for some photos of people in uniform! I have seen some pretty hideous bridesmaid dresses and shoes in my lifetime.

If I were you I would bring a change of shoes!
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totally agree!
maybe it's a cultural thing but i've only ever seen the matching bridesmaids thing in north america. in europe i've never seen it (don't know about britain). it just seems silly to me, to force the bridesmaids to wear matching outfits, just so they are in uniform and co-ordinate with the flowers and decorations. it just seems really control freak-ish to me but again, it's probably a cultural thing.
at most, i can understand the bride asking the bridesmaids to wear a certain colour, but picking out the dress and the specific shoes is just way too much.
 
#43
I was watching a bridal special on the Style network the other day and the experts said that it is tacky and out of fashion for all of the bridesmaids to match exactly from head to toe. The dresses and shoes should all be the same color but the hairstyles, dress styles (sleeveless, etc) and shoes should all be chosen to flatter and provide comfort to each individual bridesmaid. So if you have fat upper arms and another bridesmaid is skinny, you should have the option of short sleeves where she might go sleeveless. Same with shoes, heel height, etc.

I agree 100% that the shoes should be black and the style should be of your choosing. Maybe you could have a nice calm chat with her about the shoe color. If she is still set on silver, maybe you could suggest that each girl pick out her own style of silver shoe. Tell her you want to be all smiles on her big day and you are afraid if your feet hurt you won't be smiling so much. If she really cares about you, she'll be glad to help you out.

Edited to add: I had a very small wedding with only a maid of honor, my brothers wife. Not only did I buy her dress and shoes, I insisted that we try on shoes ALL DAY until we found a pair that I knew she was comfortable in. Because I care about her and didn't want her feet to hurt. She has a really cute figure so finding a dress she liked was easy.
 
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