how do you deal with your sibling after you left home

  1. and both have a family?

    I am thinking about this for a while bec my sibling and I are gradually drifting apart. I know it is natural and I tried to work against it but in the past year so many things have happened (i came back after 10 years being abroad so there are more 'touching' points. we may have been like this for a long time) that I have distanced myself quite deliberately and abruptly. too much to get into but the basic point is that there is the expectation that everything they do is great and want to be supported, but if others do it differently they just can't be supportive.

    by no means am I that impressed about how they handle their life as I would never do it that way, but so far my attitude has been: if it makes you, I am happy. I haven't found this in return so I am changing/ have changed although I hate to go against my character. also, until now I have considered my parent's hopes as I love them to bits. (I should say we both have married and have kids).

    so, I wrote a long letter - not accusing but at least explaining the change in my behaviour. that way I can never be 'blamed' for not discussing. I haven't sent it yet - have to change the 1. draft anyway.

    what would you do? what did you do? does it even matter to get along? I just don't know. I mean ok we used to get along great but is it important later on? I am so lost on this one for such a long time....(too many stories, right to making fun of things that are quite important to hubby, kids and me).
  2. Send your letter. I hope you can put your differences aside. You don't ever want regrets. I lost my younger brother on last Monday in Iraq and we were on good terms, but my parents were not always in contact or on good terms with him and they will have these lingering regrets forever, It makes me so sad. I'm sorry but you just never know and family is so very important.
  3. ^^^ I am so sorry to hear about your brother. He and your family are in my prayers.
  4. i completely agree. i too hope you can work through whatever the issue is...sooner rather than later. my brother passed away in february. he was one of my best friends and i am SO grateful for every moment i spent with him....even the ones that aren't quite suited for hallmark cards. i would give anything for a few more, but at least i have the comfort of knowing we spent all the time together that we could. you never know what the future holds and i would hate for you to find out the hard way just how precious a memory can be.

    arieyes--i am so sorry for your loss. from one grieving sister to are in my thoughts and prayers.
  5. OMG... I am sorry for the loss of your brother, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    , I have to say that you should talk with your brother about the things that hurt you or you could write him a letter about it (as your doing). Maybe he doesn't see his behavior as offensive or non-supportive. It's always a good thing to bring things out into the open and not keep your feelings to yourself. Goodluck with your situation I hope everything works out for the better and you and your brother end up having an even closer and stronger relationship than before.
  6. My parents ALWAYS told us that no matter what we will always be family. Write that letter, it IS worth it.

    Arireyes- I'm so sorry for your loss.
  7. thanks for replying - I have been back and forth, rewrote the letter, and as always, when we have a nice chat or other, I feel inclined not to send it because I am hoping things will get back on track without the drama...

    anyways, I would like to say sorry for the losses fellow members experienced. it is exactly this kind of situation I always think of, and it is also what my mother keeps telling me. but, family can fight - I would much prefer to talk in person but the problem is that we never get a chance to talk alone, so I chose the letter. I also want to find the right wording bec otherwise he may think that I am attacking his new family.

    actually, it may be me who has to do some adjustment so that I will express straightaway if and when something bothers me, rather than just let it pile up (my mum keeps telling me....). we will see.