Help, advice needed. Terrible relationship problem

  1. Hello. I know this blog is about purses mostly, but it seems there are so many nice peoploe here..I need an advice what to do So badly. I live with a married man already for 3,5 years. He has his wife and 3 children in different country, he has business in Ukraine, so he spends around 2 weeks a month here, 2 weeks there. I live in his apartment plus dependent on him financially as I work in his company. The thing is I hate myself for ever strating this relationship. He keeps promising to divorce, but "I can wait as I'm still young" (I'm 23, his 20 years older). I feel really humiliated in this position of lover, I move out every time his wife comes to visit him, he presents me everywhere as his secretary or assistant...Plus, I hate the job, but he's very sensitive about the issue and insists that I "help him in his business" I have a feeling that I'm wasting my time and my whole life! After 3,5 years I feel it's enough. But I'm so afraid to loose stable financial situation, and I still love him... I don't know what to do, and it's getting worse, I'm constantly depressed. What do you guys think? What should I do?Sorry for long thread.
     
  2. It seems to me like you already know. You stated it yourself, it is not what you want and you feel horrible in that relationship.
     
  3. There are lots and lots of jobs out there :smile: Start applying for some. If you can't cut all ties at once, try the baby step approach. It doesn't sound like anything I'd be willing to put up with :x
     
  4. You deserve to be treated better than that and if your not happy at all then you should consider leaving him?
     
  5. Really, you know he won't change. Why would he? He has everything the way he wants it now! Don't stay in ANY relationship that you feel horrible about. You may be young, but don't waste another day with this man who is USING you. You can find another job, and if you need to, get an additional part-time job to support yourself. Your self-respect is worth more than being dependent on this slime-ball. And knowing he is married, you should not be doing this. I know it happens, but you can change your situation.

    You deserve better!:heart:
     
  6. I am sorry to say. I hear these stories all the time. Your boss is not going to leave his wife. You have to get out of this relationship fast, you can't put your life on hold and settle for second best anymore. You have to look out for yourself. I am sure it's nice to have someone to take care of you financialy but you have to learn to stand on your own before he leaves you for someone younger when you get old.If you really mean so much to him he would have divorce his wife long ago. Sorry for being so direct but I don't want you to waste your life with him
     
  7. You just have to get yourself out of that situation. Change is hard, which is why you find it easier to just stay put...but usually the most difficult changes in life turn out to be the most rewarding. I know you can do it ... you need to believe it too!! Even if he ever does make good on his promise to divorce his wife (which he won't), how can you ever trust him? Someone who can be so deceitful in their marriage would do the same thing to you eventually. Find another job, find a another place to live, and cut off all communication with him. It's the only way. You deserve much better than to be treated like this!!

    P.S. By continuing in this relationship, you are condoning destroying a family (he has 3 kids ... think about them). I know you don't want to be any part of that!
     
  8. Boxermom,
    I agree with every word you said.

    ver1982,
    Although I do not know you, I can tell that you are an attractive and intelligent lady. You are just being buried in a meaningless relationship with a scum (sorry for cursing). Until you get yourself out of this bind, you will never discover your own beauty (inner and outward).

    You are young and has much ahead of you. Do not let this loser tie you down until you are old, grey, and really stuck! You deserve much, much better.

    Remember, a meaningful, happy relationship is centered around trust and respect. Your present one lack both key ingredients. I sincerrely hope tha you would leave him and head for a great life.
     
  9. I agree it will be hard for you to get out, but you will probably be happier without hom. I am trying to get out of my destructive realationship now as well....it is so hard when you love someone. I think you know what you should do, it is just getting to that point where you can get up the confidence in yourself to just leave. my heart is with you.
     
  10. You deserve better! I know it's hard, but start looking for a job and dump him. You'll be much better off in the long run and you'll be free to find a man who'll treat you right.
     
  11. ITA.
     
  12. honey, you deserved to be treated better. there's many things for you outside there.
    you just need to be brave.
    but first, you have to be ready financially, find other jobs that can support your life. don't take on a drastic action...
    be strong, and i hope everything's went well with you.
    i know it's hard, but this thing is so unfair to his wife and children. they'll be devastated. and you're the one who will take the blame in this situation.
     
  13. I'm sorry that your kind of stuck.
     
  14. There are lots of jobs out there- DUMP HIM!!
     
  15. Like what others have said before me...apply for different jobs. NOW. You should have more faith in yourself. You're a lot better than that, and you deserve so much more. You also seem to be pretty intuitive that the position you're in is increasing your depression, and that's good since it'll slightly easier for you to get out of this harmful relationship.

    Also, I hate to admit this, but like what fiatflux has said, I don't think he will leave his wife. He's been putting it off for a very long time, and it seems he only cares about himself and not about you. You don't want that in a man. And even if he did leave his wife for you...do you think he'll be faithful to you, too? I know other women who played the role of the lover, and the thought of his infidelity always lingers in their minds.

    You do have the strength, but you may not know it yet. Go out there and get that new job. Good luck!