Go Fug Yourself
- Thread starter caitlin1214
- Start date
what has he done with himself!! I liked him better before!
Paris Hilton, in her continuing attempt to become a singer, shows up at the VMAs in an homage to Bjork's infamous Trumpet of the Swan:
I especially enjoy the expression on the man sitting behind her. It's as though he started applauding for her, and then, actually catching a glimpse of her, has stopped mid-clap to think, "Sweet cracker sandwiches, what is she wearing?"
Good question, Perplexed Clapping Man. What IS she wearing? Let's take a closer look:
I especially enjoy the expression on the man sitting behind her. It's as though he started applauding for her, and then, actually catching a glimpse of her, has stopped mid-clap to think, "Sweet cracker sandwiches, what is she wearing?"
Good question, Perplexed Clapping Man. What IS she wearing? Let's take a closer look:
- Bangs sculpted into a careful homage to Conan O'Brien
- Wee little bows tried around her wrists like the world's twee-est handcuffs
- De riguer giant belt
- A skirt composed of equal parts duck feathers and the rejected scraps from Madonna's "Like A Virgin" costume. When Madonna and Bjork discover this fact, they will put on matching purple leotards and cartwheel over to Paris's house, where they will beat her severely with a sock full of quarters.
- Black ankle boots, of course. Because what else do you wear with your fluffy white party dress? She's so ROCK AND ROLL! But what else would you expect from a songstress whose album includes the hardcore lines, "Girls and boys are looking at me/I can't blame them cause I'm sexy," or "I'm hot to death and I'm so, so, so sex-ee." I mean, the girls has CHOPS, am I right?
Dear Rat-Faced Pipsqueak Jesse McCartney,
You want to know if I'm pregnant, you Howard Stern-blabbing poster boy for runny-nosed puberty accidents? You want to tell everyone I quit Dallas because my Mark ate a sandwich one night and had the strength for two minutes of egg-scrambling ecstasy before he passed out in his coffin again? FINE. Take a look up my uterine pipe YOURSELF, squirrel! Mira! Here it is! Do I LOOK like I caught a raging case of incurable Violet Affleck in my woman-sauna? Could a PREGNANT LADY pull off dressing like the star of Gloria Swanson On Ice? If I was slinging around a bag of womb-fruit, tonto, do you think a hundred Hollywood writers would be sitting around my photo RIGHT NOW falling all over themselves to create a movie for me about a future in which society is populated with a robot race of synchronized swimmers who are not only the most respected citizens of the world, but who double as the intergalactic military, and whose captain -- ME, acne brute! -- saves the world with a specialized blend of sass, leg splits, and choreographed aquatic gymnastics... while also learning to have her cold metal heart feel things deeply in a deep, deep way? NO! I THINK NOT. (Matt Damon, you want the lead? Llamame! Don't tell your oaf friend!)
So, Jesse McCartney, stick your THUMB back in your BLABBY MOUTH, pathetic peach-fuzzed wussy child, and RUN AWAY, before I flap my puffed sleeves down to the Dallas set and cut off all your girlfriend's Lucy Ewing hair. Then she will have to copy my turbanesque head scarf and WHO WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH THEN, EH, TOOTHPICK CHILD? HAHAHAHAH!
Also, catch me on LL Cool J's new single, in stores now!
Kisses, runt,
J.Ant
I have it bookmarked too, but I haven't been there in a while. Thanks for reminding me why I bookmarked it in the first place!!
!!!!!!!!
A Fug Affair
I would love to have been at the Simpson Family Meeting where it was decided that Jessica ought to wear this little number:
MA SIMPSON: What should Jessica wear to that Yahoo! thing tomorrow?
PA SIMPSON: Pasties!
MA SIMPSON: No.
PA SIMPSON: Hot pants!
MA SIMPSON: Not again. What about a slinky little cocktail number?
ASHLEE SIMPSON: Um, I totally hate to be a *****, but am I the only person who's noticed that she looks like she's been living on a steady diet of KFC lately?
MA SIMPSON: Look, Ashlee, for the last time: we are not sending her out there dressed like Buckethead.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: That is not what I meant! She's totally been riding the lard pony, you guys! We were all at the Simpson Family Weigh-In this morning. You saw her charts. She's so gained weight since we booted Lachey!
JESSICA SIMPSON: (silent due to laryngitis, gives Ashlee dirty look, throws a highlighter at her head, gives her the finger.)
ASHLEE SIMPSON: You guys NEVER thought this would happen! DID YOU? NO! You NEVER thought I would be the hot one! AT LAST! THE STICKS OF BUTTER I HAVE BEEN WHIPPING INTO HER NUTRA SLIM SHAKES ARE WORKING! I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED HER MAGIC METABOLISM! SURE, IT'S ONLY LIKE FIVE POUNDS, BUT I WILL TAKE IT! THANK YOU GOD! MY BLOOD SACRIFICE IS IMMINENT!
JESSICA SIMPSON: (holds up sign reading: "It's just three pounds, but even if it were 35, I'd still be hotter than you, you tragic little desperado.")
MA SIMPSON: Don't be ridiculous. She's maybe just a little bloated, and she's still very pretty. Let's just put her in a car hop costume and hope for the best.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME? I'M THE PRETTY ONE NOW AND YOU'RE STILL IGNORING ME! SHE CALLED ME TRAGIC! I'M NOT TRAGIC! You don't think I'm tragic, do you, mom?
MA SIMPSON: Huh? Oh, we thought you'd left. Run along and play, I have to brush Jessie's hair 1000 times now.
ASHLEE: I HATE YOU ALL!
</H3>
I would love to have been at the Simpson Family Meeting where it was decided that Jessica ought to wear this little number:
MA SIMPSON: What should Jessica wear to that Yahoo! thing tomorrow?
PA SIMPSON: Pasties!
MA SIMPSON: No.
PA SIMPSON: Hot pants!
MA SIMPSON: Not again. What about a slinky little cocktail number?
ASHLEE SIMPSON: Um, I totally hate to be a *****, but am I the only person who's noticed that she looks like she's been living on a steady diet of KFC lately?
MA SIMPSON: Look, Ashlee, for the last time: we are not sending her out there dressed like Buckethead.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: That is not what I meant! She's totally been riding the lard pony, you guys! We were all at the Simpson Family Weigh-In this morning. You saw her charts. She's so gained weight since we booted Lachey!
JESSICA SIMPSON: (silent due to laryngitis, gives Ashlee dirty look, throws a highlighter at her head, gives her the finger.)
ASHLEE SIMPSON: You guys NEVER thought this would happen! DID YOU? NO! You NEVER thought I would be the hot one! AT LAST! THE STICKS OF BUTTER I HAVE BEEN WHIPPING INTO HER NUTRA SLIM SHAKES ARE WORKING! I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED HER MAGIC METABOLISM! SURE, IT'S ONLY LIKE FIVE POUNDS, BUT I WILL TAKE IT! THANK YOU GOD! MY BLOOD SACRIFICE IS IMMINENT!
JESSICA SIMPSON: (holds up sign reading: "It's just three pounds, but even if it were 35, I'd still be hotter than you, you tragic little desperado.")
MA SIMPSON: Don't be ridiculous. She's maybe just a little bloated, and she's still very pretty. Let's just put her in a car hop costume and hope for the best.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME? I'M THE PRETTY ONE NOW AND YOU'RE STILL IGNORING ME! SHE CALLED ME TRAGIC! I'M NOT TRAGIC! You don't think I'm tragic, do you, mom?
MA SIMPSON: Huh? Oh, we thought you'd left. Run along and play, I have to brush Jessie's hair 1000 times now.
ASHLEE: I HATE YOU ALL!
</H3>
Emmy Awards Fug: Candice Bergen
Look, we're not going to pretend that Candice Bergen isn't totally rad. Who didn't love Murphy Brown (I myself often think of the episode in which it is revealed that Faith Ford's character, Corky Sherwood-Forrest, keeps a diary in which she records what she wears every day. The joke totally worked, but at the same time, I feel like this is not the worst idea anyone ever had)? Or, if you're too young to have watched Murphy Brown -- therefore making us feel ancient -- who didn't watch her guest spots on Sex and the City and think, "jeez, that older lady is a babe. I hope I age that well. " She's a silver fox, all right? AND YET ("and yet" being the watchword here lately, as Heather so wisely pointed out earlier):
I love, love the color of the skirt, and Bergen can rock the collared shirt like no one else, but oy! The belt! It's so "Hey there! I'm your really cute and spry Grandma who wears jeans and lives in Arizona and grows a lot of herbs and just bought a wagon wheel coffee table for kicks!" But although that Grandma is awesome, she would never wear that belt to the Emmys. She knows better. And so should La Bergen.
(You know, I totally thought Arizona when I saw that belt, too!)
Look, we're not going to pretend that Candice Bergen isn't totally rad. Who didn't love Murphy Brown (I myself often think of the episode in which it is revealed that Faith Ford's character, Corky Sherwood-Forrest, keeps a diary in which she records what she wears every day. The joke totally worked, but at the same time, I feel like this is not the worst idea anyone ever had)? Or, if you're too young to have watched Murphy Brown -- therefore making us feel ancient -- who didn't watch her guest spots on Sex and the City and think, "jeez, that older lady is a babe. I hope I age that well. " She's a silver fox, all right? AND YET ("and yet" being the watchword here lately, as Heather so wisely pointed out earlier):
I love, love the color of the skirt, and Bergen can rock the collared shirt like no one else, but oy! The belt! It's so "Hey there! I'm your really cute and spry Grandma who wears jeans and lives in Arizona and grows a lot of herbs and just bought a wagon wheel coffee table for kicks!" But although that Grandma is awesome, she would never wear that belt to the Emmys. She knows better. And so should La Bergen.
(You know, I totally thought Arizona when I saw that belt, too!)
Emmy Red Carpet: Cheryl Hines
Consider my enthusiasm curbed:
I hate this so much. The color is great, and from the front it looks lovely, but I seriously hate the back. This sort of thing can be done, but it has to be done carefully, or you look like a junior level figure skater who's lost her way. Remember Cate Blanchett in that amazing Galliano hummingbird dress? This one:
That's how you do formal back shenanigans. It's whimsical, but it's understated.
This is neither whimsical, NOR understated:
This looks like the formal gown version of the alphabet icing you buy in the Baking Sundries aisle at Vons. You know. This stuff:
Add that to the fact that her Back Icing looks like the shiny, crazed smile of the fearsome Three-Eyed Jewel Monster, and I find myself, frankly, creeped out by the entire thing.
Consider my enthusiasm curbed:
I hate this so much. The color is great, and from the front it looks lovely, but I seriously hate the back. This sort of thing can be done, but it has to be done carefully, or you look like a junior level figure skater who's lost her way. Remember Cate Blanchett in that amazing Galliano hummingbird dress? This one:
That's how you do formal back shenanigans. It's whimsical, but it's understated.
This is neither whimsical, NOR understated:
This looks like the formal gown version of the alphabet icing you buy in the Baking Sundries aisle at Vons. You know. This stuff:
Add that to the fact that her Back Icing looks like the shiny, crazed smile of the fearsome Three-Eyed Jewel Monster, and I find myself, frankly, creeped out by the entire thing.
caitlin1214 said:
hahaha i do too!
i love this site! it is really mean, but its a great pick me up when you need a laugh