I would not tell my so what to get in terms of carat size etc......... unless you future husband is well off( which I think I still wouldn't bring it up)and can drop 20-30k without it being a heavy burden(that's what it cost these days for a decent 1 carat ring) maybe I would steer him in the direction of style but not carat size. You don't want to make him feel bad if he can't afford what you want exactly. I was with my husband many years without an engagement ring cause it was too expensive and for me having that money in the bank was more important for us. It was costing around 20-25k for a decent 1 carat in 2013 in New York and a Tiffany or Cartier was way more. We were on vacation in st. Maarten in 2013 and I ended up getting it there spur of the moment and we spent 10k total for a 1.25 carat stone vs2 color g excellent cut with a 3 stone diamond tacori halo setting. The setting alone in ny was 5k, the stone 16k. In st. Maarten the setting was 2500 the stone 7500 gia certified. I had given up on ever having an engagement ring cause it wasn't a priority but when we saw the prices in st Maarten we decided to get it, also no tax.
your engagement ring and proper etiquette
- Thread starter haute-mess
- Start date
We shopped for the ring together (I wanted something Art Deco) but the proposal (at Lake Como) was a surprise.
Harsh?
He just proposed. And per the post, " the look of disappointment on her face was painful to look at."
At that moment, it shouldn't have been about the ring. And if it was, she really needs to re-examine her priorities.
There was plenty of time AFTER the proposal, when they were alone, to discuss how she felt about the ring. But she chose that moment, in front of her friends to show her disgust. Please.
You must be pretty young for getting excited.
As I said before, she was just reacting and had no chance to think it through and hide her disappointment. What the groom should have done was to do research and find out her taste and preference from her close friends and family. Better yet, he could have proposed with a simple band and suggested to shop for the ring together. The engagement ring needs not be expensive but must be something that she adores enough to wear forever.
I cannot grow up any more, as I am already very mature.
If the groom realizes that he cannot read the bride's mind, he should have done his homework or better yet, works with his future bride to jointly choose an "ideal" ring together. There will be many more joint adventure and decision makings down the road.
I don't understand what you mean by "you must be pretty young for getting excited"? Excited about what?
Never said a ring has to be expensive. I said I think it's crappy of your friend to react the way she did at her proposal.
Man, how terrible it must have been, when the guy she loves (I presume) asked her to marry him with a ring she didn't like. In fact, it was so bad, even her friends saw her pain (according to you.)
Twist it anyway you want, that's the gist of your post.
Let me break it down - an engagement ring is a promise, a commitment to spending the rest of your life with someone. I understand that some are hideous, and I feel for the women who have fiances/husbands who either didn't put much thought into it, or are completely oblivious to what their partners like and got them something entirely different. Generally, in a good relationship you can discuss the ring, and change it out without animosity towards each other, but that's AFTER the proposal, and in many cases weddings.
What I've never heard of, is a woman being proposed to and showing her pain because she didn't like the ring. Most women don't react like that even if they don't love it because they're just too happy in that moment, the ring is secondary. Since your friends initial reaction was dismay, then like I said in my initial post, she needs to re-examine her priorities.
I understand your point about genuine love for the groom should ***** all bad feelings about a ring. Hope that the bride is able return the ring for a better one in another jewelry store (in most cases, diamond rings are not refundable in the form of cash). I hate to see money wasted if the ring ends up collecting dust in the drawer.I don't understand what you mean by "you must be pretty young for getting excited"? Excited about what?
Never said a ring has to be expensive. I said I think it's crappy of your friend to react the way she did at her proposal.
Man, how terrible it must have been, when the guy she loves (I presume) asked her to marry him with a ring she didn't like. In fact, it was so bad, even her friends saw her pain (according to you.)
Twist it anyway you want, that's the gist of your post.
Let me break it down - an engagement ring is a promise, a commitment to spending the rest of your life with someone. I understand that some are hideous, and I feel for the women who have fiances/husbands who either didn't put much thought into it, or are completely oblivious to what their partners like and got them something entirely different. Generally, in a good relationship you can discuss the ring, and change it out without animosity towards each other, but that's AFTER the proposal, and in many cases weddings.
What I've never heard of, is a woman being proposed to and showing her pain because she didn't like the ring. Most women don't react like that even if they don't love it because they're just too happy in that moment, the ring is secondary. Since your friends initial reaction was dismay, then like I said in my initial post, she needs to re-examine her priorities.
I love my husband very much, but I do not think I can stand wearing everyday a ring or any jewelry that I dislike.
[QUOTE="loogirl, post: 31675128, member: 204133]
This is really immature. Wahh! My ring isnt the size I want. Grow up.[/QUOTE]
I never thought this was about SIZE, but about STYLE.
E.g. one woman posted that she wanted an Edwardian style ring (I think). I would LOATHE such a ring and it wouldn't go with my personal style at all.
I do think it says something if a man doesn't take his future wife's personal taste into consideration on a gift for her.
This is really immature. Wahh! My ring isnt the size I want. Grow up.[/QUOTE]
I never thought this was about SIZE, but about STYLE.
E.g. one woman posted that she wanted an Edwardian style ring (I think). I would LOATHE such a ring and it wouldn't go with my personal style at all.
I do think it says something if a man doesn't take his future wife's personal taste into consideration on a gift for her.
Part of gracious behavior 101 is that when given something you react graciously. Sometimes you outright feign delight for something you dislike, ESPECIALLY in public. Most of us learn this in childhood. TBH, if I were a man and proposed and the woman looked visibly disappointed by the ring, I'd re-think the proposal. Who wants such a lack of graciousness, grace, and kindness in a spouse?
when my husband and i started talking about getting married i told him when the time came i wanted to pick out my ring - if it was going to be on my hand the rest of my life i wanted to love it. so ... i picked it out and almost 20 years later i still love it!
I think the analogy about buying a man a car was spot on. I work in a jewelry store, and I'm always amazed when men come in to look at rings. I've seen a variety of attitudes, some come in with pictures and are really trying to surprise their fiancee, but they care about what she wants. Others come in with "I'm choosing it, so she better like it", and even a couple of guys who were more concerned about who got to keep the ring when the marriage ends.
Years ago, when I was getting engaged, I asked all my friends and coworkers about their rings - who picked them out? Almost every one said their husband. Then I asked them, do you like it? Surprisingly, every single one of them whose husband had chosen their ring with no input from them said no. I told my fiance that I wanted to choose my ring, and he was absolutely fine with it, I think he was relieved.
I really don't see why having a ring you're happy with gets painted as greedy and ungrateful. Would you cook a dinner for your spouse that you know he doesn't like, but say "Hey, I cooked, you should like it?" Would you insist on buying a house/car/furniture without taking your spouse's tastes and opinions into consideration?
I agree there is a point when it's just about a big diamond to show off, but then there are probably other red flags in a relationship that are being ignored, and the marriage probably won't last. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing your wishes if that is important to you. You better start with good communication, because if you hold things in you will end up with a lot of resentment over time.
Years ago, when I was getting engaged, I asked all my friends and coworkers about their rings - who picked them out? Almost every one said their husband. Then I asked them, do you like it? Surprisingly, every single one of them whose husband had chosen their ring with no input from them said no. I told my fiance that I wanted to choose my ring, and he was absolutely fine with it, I think he was relieved.
I really don't see why having a ring you're happy with gets painted as greedy and ungrateful. Would you cook a dinner for your spouse that you know he doesn't like, but say "Hey, I cooked, you should like it?" Would you insist on buying a house/car/furniture without taking your spouse's tastes and opinions into consideration?
I agree there is a point when it's just about a big diamond to show off, but then there are probably other red flags in a relationship that are being ignored, and the marriage probably won't last. I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing your wishes if that is important to you. You better start with good communication, because if you hold things in you will end up with a lot of resentment over time.
I would not have specified the carat size, period.
A simple solution would be to have your boyfriend pick the stone and then put it on a temporary setting. Then you have all the time in the world to work on the setting. Both sides win.
Depending on the size of the stone, you may have different ideas of what you want.
A simple solution would be to have your boyfriend pick the stone and then put it on a temporary setting. Then you have all the time in the world to work on the setting. Both sides win.
Depending on the size of the stone, you may have different ideas of what you want.
My then fiance surprised me with a diamond engagement ring, w/c I did not expect. Although I'm more of a gemstone type of person, I fully appreciate that he had given me a traditional ring. We did fight about the ring eventually, because we had been together for 8 years prior to the engagement, and he got me an engagement ring that was set in white gold. I am allergic to white gold. I thought being together that long he would notice that I never wear any white gold jewelry because I get rashes. I reminded him that I "told him" years prior that I rarely wear the gemstone earrings he bought for my birthday because it was set in white gold and it caused severe rashes on my ears. Turned out he totally forgot about that.
My husband loves me very dearly, but he can be obtuse about such things. Now that we're married, I write down all the stuff that we're both allergic to like certain types of food, medicines, any kind of materials that touches the skin (white gold, Fitbit strap) perfumes etc.
You don't sound cynical at all
but usually at the beginning most of us marry thinking it's forever.
I can see both sides, but I tend to agree with you. When my hubby proposed I didn't even look at the ring, l believe I jumped on him crying if I remember correctly. Then I was like oh yeah let's see the ring.Harsh?
He just proposed. And per the post, " the look of disappointment on her face was painful to look at."
At that moment, it shouldn't have been about the ring. And if it was, she really needs to re-examine her priorities.
There was plenty of time AFTER the proposal, when they were alone, to discuss how she felt about the ring. But she chose that moment, in front of her friends to show her disgust. Please.