Would you keep medical info. to yourself?

#16
I was in this situation. I worked for a MD who found my father had cancer. In my case even though he didn't want to know its better he was told. He didn't want treatment but was able to make the most of his time. When he passed he was able to make the most of the time he had left.
 
#17
My Dad is just waiting to die, after my mother passed his life fell apart. He does not seem to find much joy in anything--at least for long. He is on lots of meds and does have some good days. I think if anything was wrong with him he would not want to know the details, if it was cancer it would be too much repeating of what Mom went thru so maybe he already made the decision not to know????? I know information was kept from me and I will never know the answers. It is frustrating. My best friend who is really a second Mom to me has breast cancer, she has a oncologist who keeps telling her nothing is wrong and she is in perfect health. I get all faxes sent to me from every doctor and I question the "suspecious for metastatic cancer in the back", 5 of 6 lymph nodes overtaken by cancer where no lymph node is left and the cancer is in the surrounding tissue". Yet this doctor said she is Stage II cancer just like she was 3 years ago before her lumpductomy, this past year she had a double mastectomy. Her oncologist does not seem to give a direct answer to any question. I havbe researched 3+ years on her breast cancer and it does not add up what the doctor is telling her. Yet, she is doing great and is feeling very well and worked full time during major chemo so I pray everything is well. It just seems like I could possible loose 2 of the most important perople in my life in the near future and I am not ready for that. I guess I want to whine tonight.
Hugs to all for you love and support.
 
#19
i would agree that ppl have a right to know their condition no matter how grave or light the condition is.. when we found out my mother had cancer (she died in 2002), none of the older siblings including my mother wanted to tell the younger ones and I insisted that we tell them.. luckily, they listened to me (well I would have told even if they tell me "no")... but definitely, family members have a right to know coz it affects all.. and also, when my mother was told by the doctor about her condition, I knew she felt really bad and scared but I guess, that also helped her to look at her life differently...
 
#20
Gilliana,

I am sorry to hear all that you have been through/are going through. It must be tough. I find that talking to people really helps when you're going through a stressful situation (as you have done here). Hopefully you have found our comments helpful. Best of luck & take care!
 
#21
Hi ladies,

I'm still new to the boards, but felt this an imprtant topic to chime in on.

My mom, who's 80, is a breast cancer survivor. I say that as she begins the last part of her treatment, radiation.

Mom had...HAD...a bastard of a gp that had to have been BLIND not to notice that her right breast looked like someone cut a football in half and glued it to her chest. She saw him several times in the course of 18 months before she even told us she was sick.

Since he didn't say anything, she figured it wasn't anything serious, although she did admit recently that she suspected something serious.

Anyway, my dad is 87, and somewhat self-centered and controlling, and mom, tho' she knew she was sick, didn't tell him or me for 18 months. She told her best friend and swore her to secrecy. I had just had two miscarriages and mom (bless her heart) didn't want to add to my stress.

When she finally told us (me, hubby and dad) it was because she was starting to have pain and couldn't deal with it anymore. :sad2:

In any event, mom wasn't used to dealing with forthright doctors. I took her to UCLA, where she's undergone chemo and a radical mastectomy and is now undergoing radiation for 6 weeks. Aside from occasional fatigue, she is fine. The brilliant docs at UCLA (esp. since it's a "teaching" hospital) don't mince words at all. There's no time.

In the end, she had some shocks throughout the process when the docs would just tell her straight out what was happening, etc. but we both feel honesty/openness is best. With the caveat that, as in other cases mentioned here, if the patient is not aware (i.e. senility, etc.) then why even go there? Same thing with the whole quality of life question.

Sorry this is soooo long. My whole family (parents, hubby, me) feel that no, generally, we would not keep the information to ourselves with the exceptions noted above.

Peace to you all, and thanks for listening.
Shelley
 
#22
Unfortunately for us SKelly, the first part of your story is what happened to my aunt. After she finally had a mastectomy the doctor said she was fine. The next time he tested was after four years. She died in '86, leaving a 12 year old son whose dad had died in a car accident when he was 6mos old. (I've left out a bit, but you get the gist of it.) Tragic.
It's a choice that should be up to each individual. And we forget, to not make a choice, is a choice.
I hope Gillianna that you find the strength to talk to your friend and your dad. It may be that a gentle conversation may be all you need. Your friend sounds like wonder woman!
 
#23
SKelly said:
The brilliant docs at UCLA (esp. since it's a "teaching" hospital) don't mince words at all. There's no time.
Click to expand...
You were really fortunate. My father was also at a teaching hospital, and I was shocked that the doctors did not want to address my father directly about his condition, especially because his mind and voice were both in excellent shape. All I can surmise is that they felt badly about overmedicating him and didn't want to tell him the truth about what had happened.

I admit, it's pretty shocking when someone goes into a hospital with a three-day expected stay only to find out that he's dying less than two weeks later. My father certainly was not expecting that and neither was the rest of our family.
 
#24
Since everyone here is on one side of the issue, thought I'd share this piece of interesting info with y'all.

Sometimes, a female will look like a female, but is genetically male. Most cases go undiscovered. Usually the only reason docs find out is if the woman is having fertility issues, which is when the tests come back showing she is a he.

If the docs find out for reasons unrelated to fertility issues, they will not tell the patient, reasoning that the emotional turmoil caused from knowing she is really a he is too great, and will not bring any benefits.
 
#25
I have read this whole thread with interest as I work as a nurse in adult intensive care in the UK. Also I am looking at starting a masters in law and ethics in healthcare next year. I have seen many of the situations described above in my professional life and truly feel for all of you going through this at the moment - it really is awful.

In the UK we are very much moving towards telling the patient everything even if his or her family do not want this. the feeling is that all patients have a right to know if they are sound of mind and while this is not set in stone it is the policy we follow on our unit. Whilst we discuss with the family and take into account their views we always advocate for the patient first. Often people know or suspect anyway and to keep it from them can exacerbate feelings of fear as they simply don't know what is going on - often imagination is worse than reality - and can often tell if their loved ones are lying.

As to yellow gummybears post above I found that interesting - in the UK as far as I am aware if it was found that someone was genetically male yet had developed as a female they would be told even if it was unrelated to fertilty issues. It may be different in Canada.

Hugs to all of you who are suffering health issues with your relatives - it is so stressful and I really feel for you.
 
#26
CityGirl9 said:
My Grandfather was dying of cancer but in his elder years, his mind was nearly gone and forgot everything you told him anyway. So, my father chose to not tell his father he was dying. I guess the answer is.. it all depends on the circumstance/situation. Sometimes it needs to be told and sometimes not.
Click to expand...
I agree that there are certain instances where telling someone their medical condition would be inappropriate, however, there are a lot of family dynamics involved here. You may want to suggest some family counseling for you and your siblings so you all can come to some sort of reasonable agreement.
It is hard to say what the answer is to any situation without working out all the details.
Best to you and yours.
 
#27
Just like to add my 2 cents as a physician:

First, I think there are a lot of insightful comments being made. I believe that the physician's #1 priority is the patient and to respect their wishes- whether that is withholding or disclosing all information. Ethically, one of the foundations is the autonomy of the patient so I would respect what the patient wants- whether it is to know everything going on or to just let their family handle it. Of course if the patient is unable to make a decision or unresponsive, then it is the DPOA or the next of kin (depending on state law) handling the medical information.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back