Would you date a person not on your "level"

envyme

envyme

La Ilaha Illa Allah
O.G.
Jan 12, 2006
4,896
4
#1
Okay. So I have been dating a special person on and off for the past 3 years (more on than off). He is completely AMAZING to me.:shame: Would do anything for me. I KNOW that he loves me tremendously:love: . However, I know that some members of my immediate family would never accept him. Mostly because he is a high school drop out and not articulate (he tries...). Should I care about their perceptions even though most of them are in failed relationships? I have dated guys that were "good on paper" that never came close to treating me as good as my guy. What do you guys think?:sick:
 
#2
You CANNOT live for others.
Not that you do, but I'm just saying.
Sounds like this guy is super duper and how he treats YOU is paramount.
 
#3
envyme said:
Okay. So I have been dating a special person on and off for the past 3 years (more on than off). He is completely AMAZING to me.:shame: Would do anything for me. I KNOW that he loves me tremendously:love: . However, I know that some members of my immediate family would never accept him. Mostly because he is a high school drop out and not articulate (he tries...). Should I care about their perceptions even though most of them are in failed relationships? I have dated guys that were "good on paper" that never came close to treating me as good as my guy. What do you guys think?:sick:
Click to expand...

But do you love him? It's a tricky thing. On one hand, it always sounds nice to say "well, he has no education/money/common sense but I will still date him, but when it comes to making a life with someone it is pretty hard if you don't have some compatibility on these levels. For instance, say your man does not make much money, but you love to travel. You can travel together, but you will have to pay. How do you feel about that?
 
#4
Weigh stuff out. Think of the future with him. Think of the future with him and your family. Think of your future without him. Think of the future without him and someone else that you might not love as much as you love him. Think of the the future without him and someone else that you might love as much as you love him. Think about that plus your family.

So many dimensions to this but it's ultimately up to you. Do you want to be with him? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Are you willing to give up everything to be with him? Can you imagine the rest of your life with him but without your family by your side? Maybe your family will accept him eventually. Maybe they won't. You have to think about all these and evaluate your options. But it all comes down to you.
 
#5
This is never easy. I remember when I met my DH, he was still studying for his chemistry degree and I was already a physical therapist. It is even harder if you have family w/some money. Is there any chance he will further himself?
My mom and I had a nasty battle over my husband, who is now graduated from college cum laude and making money. He never finished at his high school, because it was a mess there. I don't know if I could have survived at his high school, it was gang and drug ridden. He ended up finishing at home. Then he worked at several different jobs for several years, was in a rock band, and then finally decided he was tired of the low paying jobs and decided to go to college.
We got married just a few months prior to his graduation. He went to school rather late in life, but it all turned out okay.
So I say, take it day by day, if this guy makes you happy. I married my husband after 3 1/2 years together, so there is no rush. Sometimes your own family can say things they'll end up regretting later. My mother now apologizes, but I doubt my husband will ever completely be able to forgive her for the way she treated him initially.
Things can and do change.
 
#6
My husband never finished high school. He worked for Microsoft for 9 years and is responsible for designing one of the most commonly used database systems in the world.

I have a PhD and come from a very secure family background. He does not. But you know what? We have been together for close to ten years and he would do anything for me. And I for him.

Your family does not have to live with this person from day to day. You do. Hang on to him. Men like these are like GOLD. I am older than you and I have had some horrible experiences (including ABUSE) from guys who looked really good from the outside.
 
#7
He is a high school drop-out but very driven. He is quite a business man and has invested in many successful real estate ventures. He spoils me and truly loves me. I love him too. I just don't want to choose between him and some members of my immediate family. Some members are so judgemental even though their "educated" significant others treat them like s**t!
 
#8
It seems like there's a big difference btwn a "high school drop-out" who just does nothing and ends up selling drugs on the street corner and someone who drops out of school but ends up running a successful business. It doesn't sound like you would have to support him financially -- and like he has his act together. Do you think your family would get over it eventually?
 
#9
Hmmmm you wrote "..a person not on your level" so that makes me feel that maybe you are the one that has a problem with his lack of education, etc. To some degree, do you think he's not on the same level as you? (You don't have to answer here, just think about it.)

As everyone else said you live your life for yourself. It's normal for you want your family to like and approve of your SO but if they are off base then you should go right ahead and ignore their opinion.
 
#10
I think you really need to think about whether you are ok with that and with any possible success he may accomplish based on his educational background.

If you are ok and you know what to expect, then go for it!
 
#11
Virgo said:
Hmmmm you wrote "..a person not on your level" so that makes me feel that maybe you are the one that has a problem with his lack of education, etc. To some degree, do you think he's not on the same level as you? (You don't have to answer here, just think about it.)

As everyone else said you live your life for yourself. It's normal for you want your family to like and approve of your SO but if they are off base then you should go right ahead and ignore their opinion.
Click to expand...

I care less about his lack of education. He knows I LOVE politics and he keeps up on it to satisfy me. Mainly, its my mother. She has this "dream" of me marrying an educated man in my ethnicity (West African). I guess I feel somewhat torn because since my dad left her, she's been kind of needy and living vicariously through me. Planning my future ceremonial wedding, naming my future children according to culture, etc. etc. However, its my life... I guess they'll eventually get over it.
 
#12
Envyme, that's so sweet that you're considerate of your mother. I think that her wishes stem from the ultimate fact that she wants to see you happy. Sometimes other people want things for us because they think that's what would be best, but it may not be.

If you love this guy, if you think that you two could stick it through despite the differences in background, then eventually I bet your family would come around.

My mom's family used to hate my father until they realized that he could give her a good life, that he did really make her happy. Now we're all one big happy family!
 
#13
I'm in kind of the same situation. I broke up with my last boyfriend for the one that I'm dating now. My ex just finished med school, but my currnet boyfriend is about to graduate and has no plans for the future what-so-ever...
My mom doesn't really like him. We come from really different families and at times I question myself as to why I can stand being with someone like this. I'm not really sure if this is what I want but then again I feel like because I'm still young and I don't have marriage in mind it's ok.
I think you should just see how it goes. Even if someone is good on paper if they aren't compatible with you then it won't work.
 
#14
Um, in that case.. you really need to tell your mom that she had her life and you have yours (and that she cannot live your life for you). Point is, your mom should want what makes you happiest not what she wanted for her own life. And just let her know what your prerogatives are at this time and that should be enough.
 
#15
my 2 cents = at the end of the day... you're dating this guy and not your family... my parents always told me, its best to be in a relationship that is filled with love and not to be in a relationship for convenience... my bf is not 'good' on paper but he makes me so HAPPY and my parents can see that so everyone is happy.... its really hard for parents (i guess)... they just want whats best for their kids etc..... and it just makes everything so much better if he was a doctor or something BUT its your life and you have to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope everything works out and that you follow your heart.... you know whats best for you...
 
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