Would you be suspiscious?

[Shari]

I had a bit if a think about this and he might not necessarily be cheating. Just a few points to think about...

1) He is really upset you moved and didn't stay with him, but he is too embarrassed/ashamed to beg so he is trying to make you jealous and move back to be with him.

2) How long have you been together?? MOST guys in a long-term relationship know that no-one is as pretty as their girl (not even Jessica Alba) so WHY would he be so obvious as to say another girl was pretty and smart etc??

3) Has something happened in your relationship that would make him want to retaliate and try to hurt you?

He may be cheating and wants an easy out from the relationship which is why he is being so blatant but generally I would assume that someone who is cheating would be a bit more subtle...

 

[nativenydesigns]

after reading all the posts which I totally agree with I am inclined to believe he is telling you all this so you break up with him so he is not the bad guy-men (and boys) are NOTORIOUS for that. He doesn't want to be the putz who dumped his girlfriend once she moved away. Jusy my opinion. Good luck-you definitely dont deserve this!

 

[vuittonGirl]

I think he's defitely going out with her. Not just business. You might wanna confront him. Nobody goes on and on about how pretty a girl is, and then goes out to clubs and bars with her (even w/a group)... Good luck!

 

[cutiepie21]

Hi Shari,

I moved away from San Francisco to get my master's degree at Santa Clara University. He was originally going to move in with me because he didn't want to be apart, but I could tell that he didn't really want to move to Santa Clara since he works in San Francisco. He was always complaining that most people move closer to their jobs instead of further away. He moved into my San Francisco apartment with me for one month during July, and during that month we fought a lot, so I told him it was a better idea for him to stay in San Francisco because I didn't want to be fighting constantly in Santa Clara, and it would be better for him and his work situation.

We have been together for 1.5 years, on and off. More on than off, though. I don't know if it's a thing that he has, but he is always commenting on how pretty other women are. He never compliments me and when I ask him about that his response is he doesn't need to tell me I'm pretty because I should already know that because he's dating me, so of course he thinks I'm pretty, otherwise he wouldn't be dating me. Still, it's nice to hear it once in a while.

There really isn't anything that I can think of that would make him want to hurt me. He did admit that he was feeling insecure about me moving to Santa Clara alone because he was afraid I would leave him for one of the rich boys who drive BMWs and go to the same university as me. I assured him it wasn't going to happen, and I thought he was joking about it, but maybe he was more serious than he let on? Do you think he is trying to get me jealous about this girl so I don't leave him for a boy who drives a beamer? It hurts that he thinks I would be that shallow.

 

[twinkie]

Twinkie, thanks for the advice. It is soo hard to break things with him because I actually feel bad for hurting him. But like you said, it's not worth it. I have been trying to call him since 7:30 and now it is 10 and he is not picking up his phone or calling me back and the first thought into my mind was that he is with the other girl. But for some reason, I can't leave a message on his phone to never call me again because I don't want to be suspiscious of him all the time.

You should not worry about hurting his feelings because obviously your feelings are not a concern for him. At least they are not a priority for him and they should be if you are the love of his life.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have changed for the negative, living in this kind of marriage. There are days that I do not even know who I am anymore. I just recently made the decision to go through with the divorce and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Even though I know it is for the best, I am still kind of torn. I do love my husband and I do believe he loves me, but not enough to make the right decisions, to make this work. I would not wish this kind of turmoil and pain on anyone.

I know this is a difficult decision for you, but sometimes making the painful decision now will be the best for the long run. Please PM me if you need to!

 

[Shari]

Cutiepie, I really don't know. Guys DO get jealous and are not always particularly mature about it.

How old is he??

When I was first going out with my boyfriend he used to have a crush on Britney Spears and would ALWAYS comment on her pictures, music etc. and keep photos of her on his laptop.

I never liked it and made that pretty clear and after about 2 years he stopped commenting and seemed to realise how rude it was and now he only ever says I am pretty!

Men mature much slower than women; my boyfriend is 29 and I am 25 and we seem about matched maturity-wise.

Either he IS cheating and makes it obvious so he gets caught and you dump him or he wants you to THINK he is cheating and thus incredibly desirable to other women.

I don't know what his motives might be for his behaviour but I reckon his age and general personality play a big part in his behaviour so maybe he is trying to tell you something in a stupid boy way.

 

[Audrey]

Unfortunately I've had a similar circumstance with an ex-boyfriend (he talked about someone constantly, saw her behind my back, and when I found out he claimed it was "friendship.") He was cheating on me. If I were you I would be very careful. Good luck and I hope your situation is different.

 

[Lvbabydoll]

I agree..I'd be suspicious.
Heck, I'm already suspicious of my SO right now. I figured once he came here last month that he'd cut all ties between him and any other girls...now for the last 2 days his phone has been off and whenever I ask him a question about it all he says is "you are NOT normal!" or "what is wrong with you??"
It's SO hard to cut ties because I've known him for 5 years but I can't take being lied to and having my emotions toyed with.
So I DO know how you're feeling...and I'm sorry you have to deal with him like that :censored:

 

[star3777]

I agree..I'd be suspicious.
Heck, I'm already suspicious of my SO right now. I figured once he came here last month that he'd cut all ties between him and any other girls...now for the last 2 days his phone has been off and whenever I ask him a question about it all he says is "you are NOT normal!" or "what is wrong with you??"
It's SO hard to cut ties because I've known him for 5 years but I can't take being lied to and having my emotions toyed with.
So I DO know how you're feeling...and I'm sorry you have to deal with him like that :censored:

So typical...another red flag, be aware of this girlfriend. I hate when the cheaters turn it on the victim. I heard those very words years ago with a guy who was cheating on me. Just that tone is enough to give me shivers, such lies. As if you are INSANE to question him and then does he get insulted? that's the killer. Just days,months ,later you realize what an A**hole he was. good luck, I hope I am wrong.

 

[Japster]

I don't know if it's a thing that he has, but he is always commenting on how pretty other women are. He never compliments me and when I ask him about that his response is he doesn't need to tell me I'm pretty because I should already know that because he's dating me, so of course he thinks I'm pretty, otherwise he wouldn't be dating me. Still, it's nice to hear it once in a while.

The "thing" he has is a HUGE lack of consideration and respect for you. He should always be concerned about assuring you of his attraction to you, complimenting you and whatnot. When a partner loves and respects you, they are supportive of your wants and needs. What a tool. <----no offense.

 

[Lvbabydoll]

So typical...another red flag, be aware of this girlfriend. I hate when the cheaters turn it on the victim. I heard those very words years ago with a guy who was cheating on me. Just that tone is enough to give me shivers, such lies. As if you are INSANE to question him and then does he get insulted? that's the killer. Just days,months ,later you realize what an A**hole he was. good luck, I hope I am wrong.

Exactly. I know how it is because now he's "not talking to me for 3 days because I accused him." He didn't even bother to deny it this time. Things have been fine and I called him back the other day and I expected his happy self and all I got was "are you checking up on me?? Don't lie, you KNOW you're checking up on me!!!"
I was like ok..if you think I'm checking up on you, you're either showing off to your friends or you're doing something you KNOW I wouldn't approve of.
So whatever. I'm ready to cut my ties. I deserve much better than that.

 

[mello_yello_jen]

K I havent read the rest yet but this is my comment for the entry, I'll make a new comment if there's more stuff in the next 5 pages.

Reading this makes me SO sad. You are being so reasonable with him, if it was me I would be throwing accusations left and right, screaming my head off, and just being totally immature.

Why does he have to lie? Why is he going on and on about another girl with his girlfriend? Doesn't make ANY sense. Work or not, you're his girlfriend and barhopping/dance clubs... um I think not.

btw, what does your boyfriend do?

 

[mello_yello_jen]

I agree..I'd be suspicious.
Heck, I'm already suspicious of my SO right now. I figured once he came here last month that he'd cut all ties between him and any other girls...now for the last 2 days his phone has been off and whenever I ask him a question about it all he says is "you are NOT normal!" or "what is wrong with you??"
It's SO hard to cut ties because I've known him for 5 years but I can't take being lied to and having my emotions toyed with.
So I DO know how you're feeling...and I'm sorry you have to deal with him like that :censored:

Aww I'm so sorry you're going through that Rebecca I know what you mean about it being hard to cut ties though. I hope everything works out

The same thing happened to me the other night! I was spending the night with my boyfriend and some chick called him at 2AM. I asked him why she was calling him and he told me that he "dont know why she was calling" in the most meanest tone! I shrugged it off but I hate that b!tch

 

[eastern_jewel]

Well, I found out about a week ago that he did have contact with her because I saw her on his myspace friends list. I didn't really think anything about it because I honestly didn't think anything was going on, but I was suspiscious of why he lied to me about it in the first place, so I asked him about it. I brought it up very casually, and did not accuse him of anything.

This was when he told me that he had actually been going out with her for about a week. BUT, he says it is purely business because she has a good job that is in his field, and would be a good network. However, this part makes me suspiscious that something more might be going on: he says when they hang out together, they go to bars and dance clubs. He says they have never gone alone, just the two of them, and always with a group, but they tend to single themselves out rather than stay with the group.

My reasoning is, if this relationship really is business, why are they bar and club hopping together? It sounds like it is much more personal than he lets on. Should I be suspiscious? Or am I just paranoid??

OMG!!!!! NO NO NO!!!! I would be so pissed off if it was my bf. What he's doing isn't right. I don't care if that "other girl" would be a good business contact, Why does he need to hang out with her and go drink/club/etc???? You can still maintain a good impression with someone in your business field by being friendly and on a "hi/bye" basis and NOT go hang out with her in a social setting.

Reading this makes me SO sad. You are being so reasonable with him, if it was me I would be throwing accusations left and right, screaming my head off, and just being totally immature.

I agree with mello.... If i was in your posistion, all H!@# :censor: would break loose!!! There would be lots of yelling, screaming and accusing from me.

Seriously, if the situation was reversed, I think your bf would think its pretty suspiscious. I mean what it boils down to is that he should respect your feeling and your needs (evenmore so now since you moved away and maintaining a so-called "lond term relationship") and talking about another girl/hanging out with another girl/then be lied to about her ISN'T respecting you at all.

 

[bluekit]

I think his a** should be by the curb right about...now.
He wants you to do the break-up work for him by talking about this other girl. Maybe he cried like a baby because he hasn't yet hooked up with this girl and wants to hang on to you until he does?

Gosh, I sound so cynical. But I rather cut him loose before you commit yourself further. I'm so sorry about this. Trust is everything in any relationship.