Workplace Working From Home and Bored to Tears

[McLoverly]

Hello Ladies (and Gents?),

I don't know if this would be better for general, but it is work related. I thought maybe those of us who work from home could start a thread.

Working from home is wonderful! Nobody knows if you go a couple of days without washing your hair, you can attend important meetings in the sweats you slept in, put yourself on mute and do laundry while your boring co-worker babbles on... unfortunately, it can also get a little bit lonely.

I hate commuting and love flexibility. I've always had the ability to work entirely or partially from home, but in the past I have had an office to go to and regular in-person meetings. At my current job I am entirely working from home with only one short weekly conference call. Part of the reason I took this particular position was because I was in a relationship with someone I wanted to have kids with and he/we lived a few hours from job opportunities in my field. We wanted to be able to spend time together, didn't want me spending all of my time commuting, and wanted to build a future together where I could stay home. This job was ideal! We broke up and now I am home alone with no human interaction all day. I used to have a routine, showered, dressed, had adult conversations, but now I feel like I am losing my mind! I currently belong to 2 gyms, have a class pass, and belong to a women's volunteer group, but I still feel like a shut in. I sometimes get facials, manicures, massages, or take courses on disaster preparedness or the like just to be out of the house and interact with people. I have looked at online dating sites and meetup.com , but there is nobody worth going out with and no groups of interest. Many of my friends have moved or were lost because they were really my ex's friends. What do you fellow work-from-home folks do to to keep sane?

 

[Pinkie*]

I don’t want to sound harsh, but I think that when people let their other part to be their whole world relationship wont last. Find yourself first, things what you love, places you want to visit(doesn’t need to be another country), run, dance, read, explore. New friendships and new partners will come, but don’t forget be yourself. You are the most important person in your life!

 

[minx891]

I have looked at online dating sites and meetup.com , but there is nobody worth going out with and no groups of interest.

Have you considered moving? It sounds like you have no one in the city in which you live so there's really nothing to lose. If I had your job, I'd move. The world is literally your oyster and you can go anywhere with internet!

 

[McLoverly]

When you're planning on getting married and having kids with someone and you're happy and enjoying your relationship and friend group, but also looking for a new job you aren't going to purposely look for a job that will have you spending over two hours each way every day commuting. My best friends moved out of state to be with their significant others and I couldn't do much about that. I joined a women's group before my ex and I broke up because I was afraid that I didn't know anyone of my own anymore. I travel frequently, read all the time, work out several times a week, cook, go to amusement parks once or twice a month, have a dog, etc. I didn't post on here much when I was in a relationship because my relationship was actually very happy and healthy until some things I don't have a desire to share right now transpired.

Perhaps I gave too much backstory, but this was about working from home and not about my previous relationship or "finding myself." People need human interaction. I do love myself, but I am a social person. If you work by yourself from home, only have one 15 minute conference call a week, have no significant other, and do not find that lonely then please do tell me your secret. I know that some people are ok with complete isolation. My cousin is a gamer and actually does have a live-in relationship and obligations outside of the house which suffer because he just wants to stay-in alone and game. We're all different and our situations change. When I spoke of my ex I was simply explaining that when I took my job, my situation was different. I woke up and had coffee, breakfast and conversation with someone at 6am everyday. I had someone I cooked dinner with and discussed my day with. The reality is, whether that's a romantic relationship, friendship, or a work relationship it's important to have those interactions. I started this thread because I was wondering if anyone else working from home was going through the same thing. I was hoping we could constructively share tips.

Co-op office space? Work at a coffee shop in the mornings?

 

[McLoverly]

Have you considered moving? It sounds like you have no one in the city in which you live so there's really nothing to lose. If I had your job, I'd move. The world is literally your oyster and you can go anywhere with internet!

I have been thinking of moving! I'm just waiting until I have been with this job a little bit longer so that I know my position is stable. My friends are slowly taking trips with me to places I would potentially want to move. My area is really expensive and I would potentially want to move quite a bit aways.

 

[remainsilly]

I worked at home. Once.
Man in my life screamed as a girl, whilst I boiled a frog skeleton. In our cookware. On stovetop.
Then, he bought all new cookware. And requested I never work at home again.

Once you become comfortable with self, interests evolve. You are able to spend time alone comfortably. And determine personal needs easier.
Keep open to discoveries & follow quirky leads into new adventures.
Maybe take a break from dating websites, for now.
Best luck.

 

[McLoverly]

I appreciate that people have taken the time to read my post so I don't mean to be snippy. Purse form is a wonderful place.

I am completely comfortable with myself, have interests, friends (though I could always use more locally), and enjoy alone time. I make good money, I'm passionate about what I'm actually doing, and I'm happy to have flexibility because ultimately in the long-term I would like to start a family and could see myself staying with this position. I have an executive-level position doing exactly what I want and I can pretty much buy a house wherever I want since I don't go into an office. I looked at online dating, but didn't see anyone of interest so I haven't been online dating. Again, this post is not about me needing to find myself it is about looking for tips to manage working from home and hoping to connect with other tpf members in similar situations.

There is a reason that prisons use solitary confinement as punishment. This is a common issue for people who work from home, which is why they sell co-op office space. Heck, it's an issue for stay-at-home moms feeling like they don't get any adult interaction and they generally at least get adult interaction from their partner. I don't appreciate that this has become something about me not being comfortable with myself. I'm happy to be alone a lot of the time, but there is a big difference between being comfortable being alone and being alone 100% of the time. I challenge you to wake up alone 7 days a week, no roommate/significant other, work alone, no regular meetings, no co-workers to run ideas by or just have regular "water cooler" talk with, can't go out too often because you're working and need to immediately respond to emails... see if that doesn't get a bit boring. A few of those items are fine, but all of them combined and it gets old pretty quickly. I have previously worked from home while being single and living alone, but I have never felt like this. The difference is that I have always had frequent meetings, phone calls, etc.

 

[pjrufus]

I work from home, and love it. I can go for days, sometimes a week or 2, and not talk to a single person, and I really like that too. However, I have a roommate who is away a lot, and when home stays pretty much in his area of the house, and me in mine. We also have 2 dogs and a cat. I probably talk to them more than humans. Conversations with roomie mostly revolve around the critters, but, If I do want to say something to someone like “Did you hear about what just happened?” there is someone around often enough that I can do that.
Have you considered a roommate, human or animal?

 

[ap.]

My secret is that I’m an introvert — being alone and having to interact with people only by e-mail would be ideal. Unfortunately, I have lots of (too many) meetings.
Your personality clearly isn’t suited to this type of isolation, so how about going into an office share space regularly? Where I live, there are places that work on a subscription model or a by the hour model. I’ve booked a couple of hours of meeting rooms when I have to meet with external folks but don’t want to schlep all the way to my work office.
A friend of mine who is very social and extroverted is a regular user — he says it makes him more productive to go “to work everyday” and when he needs a change, he tries a different location. He doesn’t want to completely give up “working from home” because he likes the flexibility. He wants to keep the option of staying in his pajamas.
The down side is that your company may not reimburse you (dump one of your gym membership?). I would also be mindful of the security of your company confidential info in an office-sharing environment.
Going to a cafe may also work, but that doesn’t really guarantee interaction. In an office share I find there are more people like you — working in isolation and craving interaction — and many are happy to talk.
Or how about scheduling short touch-base or brainstorming meetings with collaborators or direct reports throughout the week? Then there is the really radical idea of becoming a regular employee.
Good luck. I hope you find a good balance.

 

[ccbaggirl89]

maybe, despite some upsides of working from home you're not actually suited to doing that. maybe you could find a job that is 50/50 in/out of an office, or has a mandatory 1x a week into the office, or similar situations where you do have motivation to go in someplace and interact with others. the social activities are great but often do not last long enough to take away the boredom, and if they only come around once a week or so you need tons of activities to get that social interaction in. it sounds like a good chunk of the dissatisfaction right now comes from being single, you mentioned dating several times, a broken relationship, and wanting kids and family. if that's your goal then being a work-from-home employee is going to limit options and i don't know about others but when i worked from home (i no longer do), i let myself go a bit, so i wasn't in an ideal head-space to meet someone.

 

[AlyceG]

I'm very much an introvert but even I would struggle being at home all the time with no interaction.

Is looking for a new job an option that has more contact?
Can you get a spot at an open office?
Can you work from different locations a couple of days, like the library or park?
What about stepping up the dating game a bit?
Or what about an organised class in the evening like cooking or art?

A change of scenery and new home might help break up the monotony as well.

 

[juneping]

agreed on finding a new job.....

 

[Bitten]

I can absolutely relate to you struggling with the isolation of working from home. I do work from home occasionally (my job is quite flexible) but even on days when I could stay home, I sometimes find myself coming into the office as long as I know I won't be interrupted too much by colleagues (which can be hard to predict admittedly ). The loneliness and self-doubt you seem to be experiencing is quite common amongst people working from home and actually quite a lot of millennial bloggers have written about having 'off' or 'down' days and how to combat it. Seriously, do a youtube or google search on bloggers working from home - there will be lots of tips and shared experiences for you to read through

You don't seem to have the option of going into your actual workplace so my suggestion is that you start going to a café (if that's suitable with the work you're doing) for set blocks of time during the work day. When I do work from home, I use little rituals to set breaks in the day - I check my emails as soon as I wake up and clear the overnight correspondence, then do my workout. I walk my dog and make client/colleague calls at the same time. I grab a coffee at a café near my house and read the business section of the paper - it's only 15min but it feels like a little daily treat. A lot of this is perspective too: remind yourself about all the great things your love about working from home and all the annoying stuff you'd have to do if you were commuting to an office . If you can, I'd also seriously consider shared office space so you can make friends with people in similar situations to you work-wise.

You're not alone in feeling this way with extended isolated working conditions - the brain does funny things to us sometimes

 

[prof ash]

My husband has worked from home for the past 9 years, and he goes to Starbucks twice a week for about 4 hours. He said that incorporating the twice a week Starbucks days was a lifesaver, even if just for the people watching and ambience. Also, at home, he plays music a lot to get pumped and focused while working if it's a struggle type day.

Two things that sound sort of contradictory but have helped a lot: he has created a schedule. He gets up at the same time, takes his break for lunch at the same time, and when it's work time, he is in his office, door shut, working (unless there are calls at conflicting times, but he will still keep the schedule as close to routine as possible). However, he also (only in the past few years) has learned to break schedule when possible. If I'm off, for example, we might go to Panera and work there for like, 5 hours. As long as he doesn't have any calls, it's a different environment and makes work feel more fun.

I notice that in the title, you write that you are bored; is it the work itself that is boring, being at home while working and not having the social interaction, or bored because you don't know many people in the area? I would get to the root of that - maybe the job isn't challenging enough, maybe it's the workplace (try a coffee shop or even the local library! I work from the library!), and lastly, keep up all of the great social things you do, like the gym! I switched careers three years ago and went from a 5 day workweek at a workplace to a now 2 days out of the house workplace, 3 days from home. The home days have become more of a struggle to get motivated, but then I see my husband grinding and know I have to. Good coffee, a pretty, clean workspace free of distraction, and doing my hair and makeup/wearing some semblance of a real outfit reeeeally help me to get motivated. Lastly, maintaining contact with family and friends and looking forward to seeing them motivates me while I'm at home working, or, say, knowing there's a show I want to watch at night and feeling like I have to stay put in my office and get work done so I feel like I earned it. I wouldn't say I'm bored ever, but that I have to be strict with myself to get focused. My husband is a tech start-up CTO, so he doesn't have a choice; he's always working 12 hours days. He says he can't do this schedule forever (the long days, pressure, and the isolation and lack of consistent social interaction). Me, on the other hand, I am fortunate in having a good time balance of workplace and home workspace, but I had to find the things that keep me motivated and focused/distraction free. I can't tell you how many times I'll start working on something and then realize I'm full-fledge vacuuming the house on a Tuesday mid-day. Ugh. Lastly, it's a struggle, but a good struggle. I don't miss my past work life, and when I struggle, I remember how much happier I am overall. However -- I totally get that our situations are different, but I hope my long-winded experience can help in some way

 

[ProfNot]

Look for people interested in things you like to find a MeetUp group near you.

Libraries and book stores often know about book clubs (discussion groups).

Attend lectures at libraries and other places. Sometimes people discuss things after the lecture.

Volunteer at a non-profit with an interest close to yours. Friends of the Library, American Association of University Women, local environmental cause, local academic / sport activity, etc.