Workplace Work situation, advice needed


in the untamed rabbit hole
May 25, 2006
I followed a friend to her company when I decided I needed a change. She was very glad to hire me. I had some concerns however.

When we originally first met, she was a peer, who was then demoted due to performance issues. During her difficult times, I was her confidante. Her directs did not like her. She was a micromanager with narcissistic tendencies.

I decided to move ahead with her offer, b/c even tho she will be my line mgr, I would be functionally reporting into someone else.

Long story short, I had to functionally report into her after 8 mos. The next few months were hellish. She is a horrible manager and controk freak. Its all about her. No transparency, no clear communication and you can't even defend yourself b/c she won't let you get a word in edge wise. During a review, I was browbeaten and intimidated throughout the hour. I barely escaped without either screaming in frustration or breaking down in tears.

I found another role internally and let's just say she didnt take my leaving well. Which comes to my dilemma. Unbeknownst to me, due to timing of my transfer, she controls my rating and comp 100%. No need to guess what she did to me.

My question now that I've heard her lie thru my review is, I can reach out to her manager to discuss my retaliatory rating/comp, as well as a manager who is at risk of alienating her team, and worse, causing talented ppl to leave.

Should I try an informal visit to her manager, where I just stop by and ask if I can talk to him, no material to present. Pro is he won't have time to prepare or get a team of HR before him.

The other option would be to formally send a mtg invite, and then present my case there, with a written summary.

Please help. This has been almost a year of fresh hell that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, and I'm not done yet. Insomnia and hair loss have become my norm. Doesnt help that my new mgr says "I wouldn't be contesting, but do what you have to do, but you better not drop any of my deliverables." :sad: Guess we know how he feels.
Oct 20, 2008
I don't know about your review process, but ours is essentially on paper. There is a meeting with my supervisor to go over it, but I would have written out a self-assessment and my manager would have written out my performance evaluation. At the meeting we go over both documents, discuss specifics, ask/answer any questions, then we both sign at the bottom if we both agree.

If your process is similar, don't sign the review yet; tell her she's raised some issues you need to think about, then write a response. Make sure you don't sound crazy or petty, and lay out the facts. Provide tangible proof if you can (no hearsay she said / she said). Then attach it to the review and make sure both are sent to HR.

If you've already signed it. You can still write a response and ask HR to put it in your file and attach it to the review.

After that, as candy2100 said, drop it. Concentrate on your current position and doing the best work. Your current supervisor seems like a results guy so at least you know what his metric is -- they're so much easier to deal with (and to impress).


Jul 18, 2015
I agree with the previous responses. Think long and hard before you make a move, if she is as bad as she sounds, there are others who have experienced her management style, and her MO.

Good luck, pls keep us posted of what you decide to do.
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New Member
Nov 29, 2015
"now that I've heard her lie thru my review"
You should contest anything that you think is a lie going in a written form on your file.
If your ratings and comps is reduced or is not in line with what it should be, you can write a list of reasons of why you disagree with it. List examples of when you have gone above and beyond your perfomance description and any other examples that show you are doing your job professionally and well.
Did she give you an oficial written list of the performance issues she wants you to work on?
Make sure for every single item she raises you ask for SPECIFIC (very specific) examples of when you have displayed the said behaviour.
She should only be raising issues about your "behaviour" at work. Not personal attacks on you.
You should really get a copy of your review. So whatever is on paper counts, if she is just being "noisy" because she enjoys being a terrible person, move on.
Hope this helps.


couch potato-ing
Jun 11, 2007
sounds like a lot of effort and mental strength to go re-live that drama again. especially you already are losing sleep + hair...
i'd focus on the current position and do the best you can. i really empathize your situation but i really don't believe it's worth to pursue it any further. your office seems like big enough to not run into her frequently...i really believe good work will speak for itself. you also have to consider most ppl only go to work to make a living, not treat their work as their kingdom like your ex-friend. does she have a life outside of work?


Please get some Common Sense
May 14, 2006
Let it go!! Let karma handle her. Trust me; people know all about bad bosses and are usually trying to figure out a way to get rid of them legally but it takes time.


New Member
Nov 8, 2017
Ehh.. I've got a few questions. Are you a good professional? Are you employed? You like what you're doing? Are you doing your job great? Your current manager said or somehow showed you're doing bad? Your co-workers look at you like someone who is a looser? From your message above, I think, not. So forget about this *****. Continue working and show the results, they'll talk louder then anything. Your career path is only on it's beginning. No drama, the lofe haven't ended on her disgusting management skills them made you working days a hell. Now it's in the past.
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