You are so going to hate me for this.
To begin with, the stately several-square-foot TownHome that is Puff Palace is located in the Warm Lands, where the annual number of days that deserve the designation "winter" continue to decrease as global warming marches apace.
While standard Temperature Regulation Elves are in residence, it is really Team AC that gets the most work, with Team Heat making only the occasional guest appearance.
The elegant spaciousness and construction of the Palace itself is such that on those occasions where the temperature drops below freezing, and the little box on the wall used by the elves to inform us of the Official Interior Palace Temperature drops displays a number lower than 55 or so, we dry some clothes, or toast something in the oven, and that takes care of the two full floors of luxurious habitation that are graciously inhabited by Mr Puff, me, and of course, Princess Pet.**
When the exterior temperature drops below freezing at some point for a few consecutive days, which rarely happens, or otherwise coincides with those elements of our admittedly meticulous respective personal hygiene regimens (or whimsy) that require one or both of us Get Wet, we go to the little box on the wall and push the button that requests the honor of the presence of Team Heat for one of those special guest appearances when the Official Interior Palace Temperature drops below 60, at which point they will scurry off the stage until the next Below 60 moment.
Thus, our winter fuel bills are not the scary ones.
This will make you hate me a little less
Our water bill goes up, because when I wash my hands, I have to call in the hot water elves in the winter, because extremely cold water is not a good match for peripheral neuropathy, and I wash my hands a lot. Not obsessive-compulsive a lot, but a lot.
This will make you not hate me at all any more
Most of the year, Team AC is busy, as the impact of Global Warming on the already warm Warm Lands can only be described as melodramatic, and like lettuce, I must be kept refrigerated for best results, an inoperal congenital condition I have had even since the Olden Days, when air conditioning in homes was a cutting-edge rarity, if even invented.
A few years ago, when the gift of The Liberation of Menopause was bestowed upon me, tucked into the box was a tastefully engraved announcement that Temperature Regulation Services had been discontinued.
It is the custom in the Warm Lands for the companies to double the cost of electricity during the summer months, as this is the time that most residents will be summoning their Team AC elves, and the companies naturally wish to take advantage of this opportunity in order to maximize the generation of additional revenue, as NOT summoning the Team AC elves can result in the need for expensive medical industry products and services, as well as, in the Life of Modern Today, damage to computers.
All these circumstances combine to form a Perfect Storm that results in our electric bills of the summer months to go as high as $150, which for Poor People is a really Big Deal.
**Several months ago, Mr Puff and I were delighted to discover that, after
a long and adventurous roller-coaster ride that spanned several continents, we had been adopted by the most fabulous of all possible plush bunny rabbits:
Note: illustration is not the actual Princess Pet, but one of her (few) batchmates, so it might as well be she.
