why can't I just be happy?!

PiojisPink said:
Reading all this makes me feel a lot better in a way, I thought I was crazy, I even considered going to a psychologist or something... All my life I've moved from one addiction to the other, I started with shoes in my high school years, moved over to Tous jewelry and bags during most of my first years in college, and Coach for the past 18 months.

I learned that in my case I have a peak, which is the stage I'm on right now with Coach, where I just want to have everything I see and like and then I eventually wake up and realize I have to stop and I do, but later I fall into something else...

When I was crazy about Tous jewelry I accumulated dozens of sets, mostly silver, but when I started working and the forum I used to participate on was shut down I also decided to stop going into their website and walking into the store and eventually grew out of it. I still buy that brand, but now I only get something if I really really love it and I try to budget myself, only allowing me to buy 2 sets a year (back then I used to get 2-3 a month!)

For Coach I started a ban this past weekend, I still have some pieces on their way and others I have to return, but my goal is to be able to walk in the store and go out empty handed. I'm going this friday to return 4 items and I keep telling myself "just return them and leave", hopefully I will. I'll stay on this forum because I love the energy here and I like admiring new things but I don't plan on buying anything else until October when the new legacy colorblock will be out, and that'll be one duffle.

I know I won't stop buying and doing the things I want, but It can get very dangerous when you don't set limits, so that's what I'm working on now.

I can say that I think my addiction is very similar to yours. If its not purses, it will be some other thing that will grab my attention. I really do love these forums, so I'm really just going to have to set limits for myself.....and stick to it!
 
I just want to say thanks ladies for listening (reading) and taking the time to post your comments and suggestions. I really appreciate them all! Thanks a bunch. It's good to know I'm not alone, and its even better to see how everyone has tried to find a better way to curve their habit that worked best! Great advice.. thank you so much!!
 
I really think you should consider one of last fall's Kristin Sages. Blue smoke or warm gray, perhaps. Great bags, slouchy delicious leather, zipper closure, can be worn cross-body, satchel, or shoulder-style with the straps, which aren't too long.

As for the whole addiction thing, I so understand. I finally reached a point where I drove myself crazy (and my DH... poor man started finding bags in the linen closet! Like, "Time to get a nice clean towel... wait a second! What's this doing here?" as he pulls out a Sabrina). Finally I got tired of having such a large collection and sold off the ones I haven't worn in over (gasp!) six months, and it felt GOOD! SO good. I don't even miss them, and LOVE having more storage space and more money in my wallet for whatever. The hardest thing is not picking up another shopping addiction to replace this one (if I"m being really honest). So far, so good. It helps if I keep myself uber busy, which isn't hard, because I always feel like there's something for me to do other than scheming over my next Coach purchase. I also try to come on TPF less often (though I miss it).

Plus, Coach is making it easier for me by failing to invite me to the online sale events. They used to, then stopped. I've requested a new invitation, but they haven't sent me one. I want to be like, "you B*$%^#@! I've spent thousands over the last three years! And you won't send me an invitation? Maybe I don't even want to be invited!" (though if they sent me one, I'd definitely check out the offerings pronto)

I can't see myself buying more Coach unless I find something I love love love and at a very good price. I'm a little lucky that my sudden decision to cut back on my Coach habit coincides with this fall's collection (which doesn't tempt me at all).

Good luck!
 
Last edited:
I have a couple thoughts -.

1. Why does there have to be ONE perfect bag? Do you have one perfect pair of shoes, or earrings, or one perfect dress you wear ALL the time? I doubt it. Handbags are accessories, and functional. It's okay to need or want different bags to fulfill different needs.

That was the easy one. Now for -

2. You have a compulsion that is fueled by availability and encouragement. To be brutally frank - compulsive shopping and outright hoarding is often sported here like a badge of honour, and encouraged and applauded. Only YOU can decide if your avid interest has turned into something darker. And if you decide it has, the easiest way to stop the encouragement and limit the availability is to - stop coming here, and stop browsing ebay, and stop going places where Coach is sold.

And that does sound like no fun at all, I do admit.

If you want to try a less drastic approach - why don't you get all your bags out where you can look at them, all together... and decide which ones, if any, you want to give away or sell. If there aren't any, move on to the next step. Make a list of all the things that you want/like or are missing from the bags you have now. And then ONLY get things that fill the needs on your list. For instance - now that I can see ALL my bags at once, I know I absolutely do not need any more light coloured leather bags. Nor do I need any navy blue ones. However, a beautiful red, purple or green bag would fill a need, as would a nice brown leather.

If you see something new and you get a yen for it, see if matching wristlet or mini skinny is available. Sometimes you just need a little dab of something to satisfy the yearning for it.

I can totally sympathize with you because I have compulsive tendencies too. It if makes you unhappy or you feel it's detrimental, then maybe some counseling is in order.

I totally agree with this. Ditto.
 
I've always been the type of person who only had one bag... and then I found this forum. Needless to say, I've gotten 2-3 bags in the past month, which is more bags than I've bought in the past 4 years. :giggles:
 
I understand, OP. I have compulsive shopping and hoarding issues as well. I believe everyone has to handle these things in the way that works for them. Like quitting smoking. Some people can go cold turkey. Some have to wean themselves off. And some need aids to assist them.

For me and shopping, I can't go cold turkey. I will for a while and then I'll binge shop. What I've done is create a reasonable budget on what I should spend, then I stick to that. It actually helps me because I then hunt and peck for deals or something that I like better. This works really well for me. I'm getting my fix, but it's a lot more healthy.

But this is what works for me. You have to find what works for you. Back to the smoking analogy. I'm an ex-smoker. I have friends who went from a pack a day to only smoking on occasion. I can't do that. If I have a smoke, I need to have another and another.

You're recognized that you have a problem and that really is the start of getting into a more healthy place. I wish you strength!
 
I go through obsessive phases on buying things, and eventually move onto another thing. Right now, I'm on purses.

What I did to keep it reasonable was My three step program:
  1. Set a monthly "fun money" budget, which rolls over month to month
  2. Only buy "fun" stuff with cash (or on the Visa and pay back as soon as I'm at my computer)
  3. Spend from the "fun money" account on whatever I feel like

If I see something I want that's more than I have in the fun account, I have to save up. I buy whatever I want, whenever I want, so long as I have the funds to cover it, and DH isn't allowed to complain. :graucho: I use this for clothes, accessories, jewelry, electronic gadgets, etc... anything that isn't an actual necessity.
 
I go through obsessive phases on buying things, and eventually move onto another thing. Right now, I'm on purses.

What I did to keep it reasonable was My three step program:
  1. Set a monthly "fun money" budget, which rolls over month to month
  2. Only buy "fun" stuff with cash (or on the Visa and pay back as soon as I'm at my computer)
  3. Spend from the "fun money" account on whatever I feel like

If I see something I want that's more than I have in the fun account, I have to save up. I buy whatever I want, whenever I want, so long as I have the funds to cover it, and DH isn't allowed to complain. :graucho: I use this for clothes, accessories, jewelry, electronic gadgets, etc... anything that isn't an actual necessity.

That's very much like what I do. :biggrin: If I don't have enough fun money in my account this month for what I want, I don't spend at all and get it the next month.
 
Ok... So i probably shouldn't be posting this, considering my post.. however in my defense its not another handbag...its just an accessory AND... The fob is currently sold out online for $24.50 and I was able to buy it at the outlet for $6.99!!! I also got an agenda $31.50 but the key fin is what I went into the store to find. Super excited and in my defense its not a bag :smile:

stitch6.png
 
Ive been through a lot of what everyone else mentioned. My parents are life long collectors of antiques - so the hunt for the perfect piece is in my blood. Add that I work in ecommerce (shopping websites), and factor in that I'm not at a comfortable weight for me - so any shopping I do is for things that don't need to fit. It's a recipe for disaster. It doesn't help that I have a particular weakness for very high end bags...

So how do I combat this?

I tattooed the words WANT and NEED across the tops of my wrists as reminders. When I read tpf, I look at the educational side, rather than the shopping links. I treat myself judiciously - like instead of the crazy ysl bag I wanted for a congratulations on new job, I opted for a balenciaga and a lv (which were, combined, 1/3 of what I was looking to spend).

I just bought the balenciaga bag and now? I have no holy grails left. There's nothing else I need, and nothing else I really want. I spent most of this evening browsing online while watching tv and you know what...I regret it. I didn't buy anything, but it's a waste of time. I dont think of tpf as a waste but it definitely feeds the habit.

The quest is 90% of the enjoyment.

For me...I need to find a new quest. I need to remind myself there are vast differences between what I need (nothing) what I want (not much) and what I should be ok getting (not much more than a manicure and a coffee).
 
I'm the same to a certain extent...with one main difference. I've already found my perfect bag, the original Lindsay satchel, of which I am the proud owner of 3. But I'm still constantly on the lookout for another. Another satchel with the two main compartments made with soft leather...the shape, the colours, the feel of it. Why? I don't know. Maybe because my taste is constantly evolving with the constant changes in fashion. Hontestly though, isn't that what fashion is all about?
 
I know what you mean.....Bags can be addictive.
It is rare when you find one that works. And when you do, you wind up buying in several colors. I hadn't bought coach for several years while I was on an LV kick and found that my classic Coach pieces were with me for one reason: they were classic and they worked for me. Those that didn't were either given away or sold on the Bay. I have two duffles from the 2001 period. One in black, one in brown. They worked so well that I couldn't get rid of them. One thing that has helped was having a small space.

I think designers deliberately design for aesthetics and not practicality. Leaving us always on the search for the perfect one. Either that, or they really don't give too much thought on how we should use them?

I have decided, though, that when I waste too much time picking out a bag to wear, I have too many and it's time to weed the collection!
 
i started getting coach purses with a specific list of colors that i wanted...and admittedly for a while i started getting multiples of certain colors because the 'deals' were just too tempting. having bags on display does help me see that i don't in any way need another black bag. revisiting my original list earlier this year really helped me decide which bags i could pass on (thankfully i have plenty of greedy girls in my family) and what to keep.i do still enjoy seeing what others have found at the outlets, but i'm good on bags now.



i do enjoy having something to collect....always have. right now i'm back into furniture, which takes much longer to obsess over and make a decision for than purses.
 
i started getting coach purses with a specific list of colors that i wanted...and admittedly for a while i started getting multiples of certain colors because the 'deals' were just too tempting. having bags on display does help me see that i don't in any way need another black bag. revisiting my original list earlier this year really helped me decide which bags i could pass on (thankfully i have plenty of greedy girls in my family) and what to keep.i do still enjoy seeing what others have found at the outlets, but i'm good on bags now.



i do enjoy having something to collect....always have. right now i'm back into furniture, which takes much longer to obsess over and make a decision for than purses.

nursie, I know exactly what you mean. Thus my signature picture of LV bags! Seeing that with every post I make reminds me of what a I have!
 
I have always been a bag girl ever since I can remember. I think my freshman year in highschool (long time ago), was the only time I carried one and only one bag for the whole year. I am never satisfied, and I love having a choice in what I want to accessorize with including purses. Yes I realize it's my addiction, but I admit it and own it and love it, LOL :smile: