I need some advice...
I'm sure some of you have been following my work dramas and might have seen my most recent post about finally leaving my job. During my leave from work (it ended up being 5 weeks), I started to finally feel like myself again. I was able to sleep, I got my appetite and energy back, I was happy and my mental health improved drastically. Every day while I was off was spent doing whatever I felt like doing that day, some days I slept in and just relaxed all day, other days I got up early, went to a workout class and reorganized the house, I reconnected with people I haven't seen in a long time and for the first time in years, I felt like my old self, my true self, and not the unhappy shell of a person that I had become over the past few years. The freedom was like nothing I have ever experienced before and it was incredibly refreshing! I did a lot of personal reflection and I realized just how unhappy and unhealthy I was during the past 3 or so years, it actually scared me to realize how much time I have wasted feeling that way. I also spent a lot of time focusing on what had made me so unhappy and it was no major shock to me that my work is 90% of the problem. However, all this time I have been blaming HR for it and I realized that it's a lot deeper than that, it's not just HR that I dislike but rather the whole office environment side of it.
Anyway, just before I left my previous job I was contacted by a past coworker about a position at their company and how she thought I would be perfect for it. I met her for coffee and the next thing I know I received an offer. She wanted me to start right away but I knew I needed some time off so I was able to negotiate a later start date, which enabled me to have 5 weeks off. I didn't think too much about it, the basics of the role are great - pay is good, it's close to home, and the hours are close to what I had before. The way I looked at it was I could take this job and have some time off without stressing about finding work so it was a win win situation. The position is still HR but not as senior as the one I held before (which is a good thing). As much as I enjoyed my time off, I felt pressure to get back to work ASAP so I kind of saw this as meant to be. I also was very aware that as much as I enjoyed not working, that's not real life and I had to get back to work sometime.
I started that new job on Monday and now I'm 4 days in and I'm not happy. I'm back to sleeping 1-2 hours per night, my headaches and stomach pains are back, I have had panic attacks multiple times per day, I have no appetite, I feel tense and angry, I'm snappy, and I've cried more over the past few days than I care to mention. I feel like the break never happened and I kind of wish it didn't so that I wouldn't know what happy feels like. I feel as though my career has been nothing but a huge mistake. I know that I *need* to do something different, I feel as though office work is killing me, every day I feel myself deflate as I walk into the building and even just sitting in the office I feel as though the four walls are closing in on me. I have been doing office work (mostly HR) for the past 15 years since I was 18 years old. I never went to full time school and I haven't even experienced any other jobs other than this. I went straight from high school graduation to an office.
My issue now is I don't know where to start. I know I have to do something else, I feel like I will spend the rest of my life seriously unhappy if I don't, but I don't know what to do or where to start. Last night I made a list of things that I would love to apply to a career, but I don't know where to go from there.
Passions: beauty, fashion, interior design, writing
Interests from previous jobs: project management, writing
Skills: project management, organization, writing, analysis
Needs: flexibility, freedom to design my day/work, change, opportunities to improve, and opportunities to share knowledge/skills/experience
Anyone have any ideas where I can start looking to try to find something that would fir for me? I'm willing to go back to school or do anything to get to a place where I feel happy again.
I'm sure some of you have been following my work dramas and might have seen my most recent post about finally leaving my job. During my leave from work (it ended up being 5 weeks), I started to finally feel like myself again. I was able to sleep, I got my appetite and energy back, I was happy and my mental health improved drastically. Every day while I was off was spent doing whatever I felt like doing that day, some days I slept in and just relaxed all day, other days I got up early, went to a workout class and reorganized the house, I reconnected with people I haven't seen in a long time and for the first time in years, I felt like my old self, my true self, and not the unhappy shell of a person that I had become over the past few years. The freedom was like nothing I have ever experienced before and it was incredibly refreshing! I did a lot of personal reflection and I realized just how unhappy and unhealthy I was during the past 3 or so years, it actually scared me to realize how much time I have wasted feeling that way. I also spent a lot of time focusing on what had made me so unhappy and it was no major shock to me that my work is 90% of the problem. However, all this time I have been blaming HR for it and I realized that it's a lot deeper than that, it's not just HR that I dislike but rather the whole office environment side of it.
Anyway, just before I left my previous job I was contacted by a past coworker about a position at their company and how she thought I would be perfect for it. I met her for coffee and the next thing I know I received an offer. She wanted me to start right away but I knew I needed some time off so I was able to negotiate a later start date, which enabled me to have 5 weeks off. I didn't think too much about it, the basics of the role are great - pay is good, it's close to home, and the hours are close to what I had before. The way I looked at it was I could take this job and have some time off without stressing about finding work so it was a win win situation. The position is still HR but not as senior as the one I held before (which is a good thing). As much as I enjoyed my time off, I felt pressure to get back to work ASAP so I kind of saw this as meant to be. I also was very aware that as much as I enjoyed not working, that's not real life and I had to get back to work sometime.
I started that new job on Monday and now I'm 4 days in and I'm not happy. I'm back to sleeping 1-2 hours per night, my headaches and stomach pains are back, I have had panic attacks multiple times per day, I have no appetite, I feel tense and angry, I'm snappy, and I've cried more over the past few days than I care to mention. I feel like the break never happened and I kind of wish it didn't so that I wouldn't know what happy feels like. I feel as though my career has been nothing but a huge mistake. I know that I *need* to do something different, I feel as though office work is killing me, every day I feel myself deflate as I walk into the building and even just sitting in the office I feel as though the four walls are closing in on me. I have been doing office work (mostly HR) for the past 15 years since I was 18 years old. I never went to full time school and I haven't even experienced any other jobs other than this. I went straight from high school graduation to an office.
My issue now is I don't know where to start. I know I have to do something else, I feel like I will spend the rest of my life seriously unhappy if I don't, but I don't know what to do or where to start. Last night I made a list of things that I would love to apply to a career, but I don't know where to go from there.
Passions: beauty, fashion, interior design, writing
Interests from previous jobs: project management, writing
Skills: project management, organization, writing, analysis
Needs: flexibility, freedom to design my day/work, change, opportunities to improve, and opportunities to share knowledge/skills/experience
Anyone have any ideas where I can start looking to try to find something that would fir for me? I'm willing to go back to school or do anything to get to a place where I feel happy again.