When to visit new moms?

  1. I've always wondered, what is the etiquette for visiting or phoning new parents? I have always felt ackward about stopping by the hospital or the house right after delivery unless they were super close friends. But I don't want friends to think I don't care either...

    For some of my friends it is almost a competition to see who can get to the hospital first.... :tdown:
  2. My DH was my "bouncer". People called to check on me and they'd ask him. He could be the bad guy for me if I didn't feel like having visitors, or depending on who it was.
    Everyone's different, call and ask if she/they are up to having a visitor and if there's anything you can bring them.
  3. I think a good way to do it is to call relatively soon after the birth and give her your well wishes and let her know that you will come and visit once things calm down :smile:
  4. Agreed. A phone call to test the waters first! Ask if they need anything like smaller sized diapers or somesuch. Better yet, stop by the home with something for the family to eat (doesn't need to be a whole meal; something that can be easily reheated, or even a breakfast bread or somesuch). Drop it off by the door and don't stick around to be invited in - or not. You will likely get either a phone call or a note back with thanks - and quite possibly some indication on when/if the new family is happy to have visitors. We do this route regularly and it seems to be very well received!
  5. Another thought is to send an email expressing your desire to drop by to see the baby. That way, the new parents don't feel pressured to respond right away on the phone with a date and time. They can think it over and then respond to the email.....P

    I would have loved to have visitors in the hospital. Matter of fact, I was kinda sad when I was doing my walking up and down the hall and I would peak in other rooms and see balloons and flowers and family...(My family all lived in another state from where I gave birth).
  6. Oooh! Yes! E-mail is much less invasive and does allow the family to think and not be on the spot. Good thought! :tup:
  7. Anytime is fine, and be sure to at least speak directly to the new mom briefly. I found most people spoke to my dh and I missed out on all the well wishing phone calls. I felt gypped!

    If visiting at hospital or at house, make the visit short and sweet, like 20-30 minutes tops. Don't stay hours or days like my relatives did, my baby was 2 weeks and I was trying so hard not to stress out from fatigue and nursing and entertaining... argh. It didn't end too well that time, I blew up in front of them and they finally got the message LOL
  8. I haven't had my baby yet, so can't speak from personal advice, but this is one of the big things I've heard from my friends. If you're just there for 20 minutes, then most of them have been excited to have close friends come pretty early.

    The other thing I heard from a lot of my friends, in addition to the bring food tip, is that it's great if you can help do stuff for mom. Wash the dishes, or fold a load of laundry, or that sort of thing. They all said everyone wanted to come and help watch the baby or hold the baby so new mom could do the housework, but my friends all would have preferred it the other way around (no, I'll sit here and hold my baby while you unload and load the dishwasher for me, thanks.)

    In theory, at least, I really like the idea of people coming to the hospital to see baby & me, but I guess it depends how long and how rough labor is, and how we both are doing. At least there, I don't have to worry about hostessing, really, since there's not much I can do!
  9. ohmigod... if you were bringing home cooked food any time of the day or night would have been amazing for me after both my pregnancies... the nicest thing anyone did was to send over a complete home cooked meal a few days after we got home with dd. food never tasted that good... also, a friend came to see me in hospital with wonderful food from whole foods - beat the awful hospital stuff i was getting!!! you can always call first and ask what the mommy would like to eat!
  10. I would call.. tell her you have food you want to drop off.. and stay for 15-20 mins.. by then it's either time for another breastfeeding, diaper change, or if the baby is napping.. mom is probably wanting to nap too.. or just have some time alone (with that food you brought ;)).
  11. I usually find that visiting new moms at their home was much better than at the hospital. I remember the last thing I wanted to do was to entertain 'friends and family' at the hospital esp when I looked crappy, was tired and bloated. I'd say wait a week or 2 for the new family to adjust to the schedule before visiting them at their home. It would be nice to call ahead, bring some food, and not stay too long.

    Just a friendly reminder when handling newborns: Always insist on washing your hands with soap first (I've had many new mothers asking me how to discreetly insist on having their guests wash their hands before coming close to their newborns).
  12. :tup: Yes! I also kept hand sanitizers all over the house so that it would not be "missed" by a guest.

    One of the best visits I had was from my best friend, not only because I was happy to see her, but because she came in and everything was CHAOS. She just started getting everything together for me. She could tell I was clearly overwhelmed. She put the dog outside, took the baby (who had been crying for 20 minutes at that point), sent my DH int he kitchen to clean up, sent me up to take a bath and took the baby (who continued to cry) into his room to rock him. While yes, he was still crying, everything felt so much better after a shower! So when I was done, I took the baby and (maybe I was too stinky before!) but he stopped crying, we went downstairs and DH had completely cleaned the kitchen, vaccumed, and made us tea. He then took the baby so we could have tea and talk for the 10 minutes she stayed. That was one of the most comforting visits I had! She also brought me a silly, no thought kind of book, that was also a great gift!

    My advice to you tabbyco is to talk to the friend before the baby is born, let them know that you care but that you won't call them right a way because you want to give them time to settle in. Also, if you feel comfortable with it, let them know that if they need anything that they can call you (that was also comforting coming from some of our friends). After a few days, call, leave a message if no one answers... we turned our phones off and returned messages at a convenient time... we also put a cover on the door bell.
  13. IN regards the washing hands thing, I think that a simple "Did you get a chance to wash your hands yet?" is perfect. Actually, my friend who had her baby a month ago said the same thing to me. I was not offended at all. It had slipped my mind because she was busy giving the baby a bath when I arrived so I was playing with her one year old and petting the dog. By the time she came out with the baby, I had just forgotten.
  14. i think it's really nice that you have even considered when to visit- very thoughtful of you! i agree with the other posters- a call or email. also, i had ppl drop things off at the door but never come in. that gave me a chance to call them, thank them, and invite them to come by (when i was ready to see them). have a nice visit!
  15. it's so kind of you to be so thoughtful! i definitely did not want a lot of visitors at the hospital, i was exhausted and overwhelmed with learning to nurse (and at least then was still feeling pretty modest and embarassed about being so exposed). but once home a short visit with food was always welcome and if there is an older sibling a small gift for him or her is also really helpful.

    eta...i forgot to add i agree it's good to call or email first!