I was having a discussion with some family members from Europe. We were talking about how things are changing over there but a lot of people still marry quite young and have to depend on their parents to finance their weddings because they can't afford them at that point in their lives. I provided my two cents and stated that in my opinion people who decide to get married and start a family should know that it is a responsibility and should be somewhat financially able to provide for themselves. I added that a good starting point is financing your own wedding - whether modest and small or lavish and big. I explained that in my opinion parents can help to some extent, but the young couple shouldn't be in a position where they have to rely on them completely. I think that my opinion wasn't exactly popular with all of these people. I'm I totally alone in my thinking? I mean there are exceptions when people are saving up for a down payment or something specific, and the parents decide to help out, but in general doesn't marriage equate with adulthood and responsibility?
When Parents Finance Weddings
- Thread starter Valeriee
- Start date
I agree with you--marriage should equate with adulthood and responsibility, but if often doesn't. Some couples make it more about the wedding than the marriage. At least in the U.S. there are so many tv programs pushing expensive gowns and elaborate themed weddings (isn't the wedding enough of a theme?) making brides want more than they can afford.
In my own family each dil had a completely different wedding. One was on a budget, only what they could afford. She made her own cake and bought her gown at a discount store. They were determined not to go into debt for one day. The other dil's mother paid for a very high end affair. I can't say it was more fun or more memorable than the low-key wedding. (both weddings, we paid for the rehearsal dinner)
I think it's nice if parents can pay for an item or two, say photography or the wedding gown (or whatever), but if people are old enough to marry they're old enough to pay for it. They have a lifetime of figuring out how to afford what they want and need and the wedding is a good place to begin.
In my own family each dil had a completely different wedding. One was on a budget, only what they could afford. She made her own cake and bought her gown at a discount store. They were determined not to go into debt for one day. The other dil's mother paid for a very high end affair. I can't say it was more fun or more memorable than the low-key wedding. (both weddings, we paid for the rehearsal dinner)
I think it's nice if parents can pay for an item or two, say photography or the wedding gown (or whatever), but if people are old enough to marry they're old enough to pay for it. They have a lifetime of figuring out how to afford what they want and need and the wedding is a good place to begin.
Thank you for the reply. I was beginning to think that my opinion was out of this world and that people can't even be bothered to reply
I completely agree with you on the parents paying for a few items. I was referring more to people who are still entirely dependent on their parents, yet decide to throw lavish weddings at their parents' expense. All in all, though, every family and every situation is different.
Traditionally in my cultural background, the parents pay for the wedding. But my exdh and I decided to pay for it on our own. I paid for the reception and he paid for the honeymoon.
There is no right or wrong. People do whatever is comfortable and accepted within their own families.
My first wedding my Dad paid for everything except my gown and the DJ. The money I had saved for the wedding he told me to use for a down payment on a house. Plus my Dad is old fashion and was brought up with the parents paying for the wedding.
My second (and current) husband and I paid for everything. Neither wedding was super elaborate and tried to keep the costs of everything down and did research to make sure we got the best deals for both weddings.My Dad offered to pay for our wedding and we said Thank you but we wanted to do it ourselves.
I think it's partially a cultural thing and partially how you were raised and what you and your family feel comfortable with.
My second (and current) husband and I paid for everything. Neither wedding was super elaborate and tried to keep the costs of everything down and did research to make sure we got the best deals for both weddings.My Dad offered to pay for our wedding and we said Thank you but we wanted to do it ourselves.
I think it's partially a cultural thing and partially how you were raised and what you and your family feel comfortable with.
Oh, I think this comes down to the individual family involved as well as the couple - I can imagine some parents being really excited and kind of insisting on paying for it 
Not to mention in some cultures, it might be the done thing.
DF and I are definitely paying for our wedding. It's going to be really fun and v reflective of the two of us because we're doing this once and we want to have a great fun party where everyone gets dressed up and enjoys themselves. There are some things we want to spend more on (like venue, food, wine, music) and some things we have gone for carefully priced things where possible (flowers, dress, photography).
I think where the couple getting married are extremely young, it is more likely that parents would assist. It just felt completely weird and wrong to DF and I though - we have a combined age of 70, we can't have someone else paying for things!!
Not to mention in some cultures, it might be the done thing.DF and I are definitely paying for our wedding. It's going to be really fun and v reflective of the two of us because we're doing this once and we want to have a great fun party where everyone gets dressed up and enjoys themselves. There are some things we want to spend more on (like venue, food, wine, music) and some things we have gone for carefully priced things where possible (flowers, dress, photography).
I think where the couple getting married are extremely young, it is more likely that parents would assist. It just felt completely weird and wrong to DF and I though - we have a combined age of 70, we can't have someone else paying for things!!
I think it's lovely when parents pay for a wedding (I'm Chinese, and this is basically how it's done), but I think it's important that the couple takes that into consideration, meaning not blow every last cent and think they can have a huge wedding because it's on someone else's dime.
I basically think weddings are a bit overrated anyways, and so expensive for a 5 hour party. My sister basically went all out for her wedding- seafood cocktail hour, designer dress (bought from a sample sale but still pricey), jimmy choo shoes, etc. But, I think she did that because our parents are no longer here, and she dated this guy for nearly a decade- she wanted to enjoy the wedding day she waited so long for, and she did have the financial means to do so.
My friend got married this summer, and her mother paid for it. Her mother is not rich by any means and basically spent a good chunk of her life savings on this wedding. I think the couple should have insisted on a smaller affair or had the groom's parents pitch in more (they're much wealthier). Her mother constantly griped about the expenses, but she went along with it, so I can't really sympathize too much.
My DH's brother got married and the bride and groom's families split the costs. However, they took out loans to do so since neither families had money. That was stupid IMO, and the couple really should have skipped having a wedding altogether.
Whatever floats your boat though.
I basically think weddings are a bit overrated anyways, and so expensive for a 5 hour party. My sister basically went all out for her wedding- seafood cocktail hour, designer dress (bought from a sample sale but still pricey), jimmy choo shoes, etc. But, I think she did that because our parents are no longer here, and she dated this guy for nearly a decade- she wanted to enjoy the wedding day she waited so long for, and she did have the financial means to do so.
My friend got married this summer, and her mother paid for it. Her mother is not rich by any means and basically spent a good chunk of her life savings on this wedding. I think the couple should have insisted on a smaller affair or had the groom's parents pitch in more (they're much wealthier). Her mother constantly griped about the expenses, but she went along with it, so I can't really sympathize too much.
My DH's brother got married and the bride and groom's families split the costs. However, they took out loans to do so since neither families had money. That was stupid IMO, and the couple really should have skipped having a wedding altogether.
Whatever floats your boat though.
Whatever is fine but I hate it when grown adults EXPECT things to be paid for them and get mad when a family does not. If they can and do ~ fine but don't act like a baby when they don't or can't.