When does it start to get better

  1. Today is the my mums second anniversary of her death, she fell down the stairs and had a brain hemorage when I was 20.

    So I took today off work and have been feeling pretty bummed out crying all day, looking at old photos and wearing her old perfume.
    I know it sounds stupid but its something I do to feel close to her.

    I was wondering, people who have been through this, when do anniversaries start to get a little easier?

    I thought after the first one I would feel a bit more positive- and I do normally but not today.

    more to the point- do they ever get easier?
  2. It doesn't sound stupid at all. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I won't pretend to know how you feel, but it must be awful. I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you. : (
  3. Oh my gosh - I am so sorry. I almost thought I might lose my dad this summer after he had heart surgery. And at the time I was thinking - my gosh - how long would it take to get over it if I lost him? I think that every person is different and you shouldn't rush yourself. No pressure - if you need to be sad, BE sad. Take your time, and I wish you all the best.
  4. im so sorry to hear that.

    i think that time will heal all wounds.. but its only been 2 yrs.. so its normal to feel like this.. embrace her memory

    i dont think they get easier.. i think you become more adjusted to the situation ( an ex bf of mine lost his mum and so i was there to comfort him on the anniversary ofher death)
  5. No, it didnt sound stupid at all. You can grief all you want, in your own way in your own pace. Every person is different in the way they grieve. I cant say I know exactly how you feel, but I kinda do in general. I have lost my grandpa, whom I was very closed to 2 yrs ago. I was his 1st grandchild until I turned 7, and he took me everywhere with him, especially when I was lil. He died in 2004 during Ramadhan (around 1 week before Aidil Fitri), so every Ramadhan like now has always been hard for the past 2 yrs. I have to admit, that everytime his name comes up in conversations b/w family members I can still feel tears in my eyes. And everytime we visit his grave I'd still cry buckets, no joke. I love him very dearly.

    It's hard to lose the ppl you love. What you did is very normal. Hugs to you during this tough times :smile:
  6. I lost my Dad in 2002. The Anniversary is always the hardest day. I remember after he died in July, 2002, I was in the store in September and needed to buy my father in law a birthday card. I was looking at cards on the rack and then it hit me, and I thought, "I will never be able to do this for own father ever again." I started crying in the store! You will always miss your mother, so take your time working through your grief. It takes time- but also remember that people never really "leave" us- they just move on to a different dimension of existence. Your Mom is still with you.
  7. I am extremely sorry for your loss. I lost my mother in 2001 ,rather suddenly, during routine heart surgery. I was totally devastated. I was a wreck for about two years but by the 3rd ann, I began to focus on the happy times we had instead of feeling a gut wrenching sadness when I thought about her. It will get easier with time but in the meantime, take all the time you need to grieve.
  8. I am so sorry for your loss Lucy. Keep in mind you didn't know it was going to happen (vs. a long battle with an illness for example) so you needed to deal with the shock as well as the pain, which takes a while. If it helps to be with family and friends, do that but if you prefer spending the day by yourself, let your feelings out, do whatever you feel like doing in order to honor your mom's memory. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  9. I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. I too lost my mother almost 2 years ago. I think you need to take as much time to grieve as you need; everyone grieves differently. Don't let anyone tell you to just get over it, because you never really do. There will always be that big hole in your life and in you heart without her. If you are in a situation where you are stuck in your life unable to move forward, I suggest you see a counsellor to help you to get on with your life without your mom. But it is okay to be sad.
  10. i'm sorry to hear about your Mom, and no this is not stupid at all. Let time take care of it and don't force yourself to get over it. Just let it take its course. Take care and please hang in there.
  11. ((((hugs))))
  12. Im so sorry!...You need to find an outlet to grieve for her..Sometimes planting a tree in memory of her each year...or something like that helps...Thats how a friend of mine deals with her dads death..and I swear it helps her.HUGS!Hope it gets better for you..Im so sorry..wish I could help more
  13. I don't think the pain of losing someone ever gets easier. I lost my dad when I was 16, and it's not just anniversaries, but just random times when I think of him that I feel like tearing up. Take time to grieve for your mom and treasure all the years you had with her.
  14. My husband lost his father to cancer in 1978 on New Year's Eve. To this day, it's still difficult for him, especially since we started dating on a New Year's Eve (talk about a mix of emotions!). Even after all these years, he will still take a short walk by himself on New Years Eve to "talk" to his father. It helps, but even after all this time it's still a difficult day for him. He was only few years older than you when his father died.

    Have you thought about doing something on this anniversary that was something that you and your mother enjoyed doing? Something that made you both laugh? It might help to focus on those things. Someone said once that the day a person dies is only one day out of that person's life. Perhaps including some happy activities you two shared may help.

    I guess to answer your question, in some ways it will get easier, but it's still very much OK to cry. Ultimately, you are the only one that will find your way on this. It's a very personal journey you are taking. Trust yourself that you'll chose the right path.

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  15. I lost my father to cancer on Mother's Day when I was 8 years old. That was 20 years ago. I don't think it gets easier necessarily but you had a lot more history with your mom than I had with my dad. So you have more memories to be sad over and remember her with. I used to be sad every few years...that I didn't have a dad growing up...And my mom still gets really depressed.

    Honestly...I generally try to suppress my feelings because I don't want to deal with it. I can't do anything to change what happened. I realize that's not the healthiest way to deal with things but if I really sat and thought about it I'd start crying and wouldn't stop.

    I'm sorry you lost your mom. Losing parents is so hard. Just remember all the good times!