Also be careful about them telling you "Well, if you really loved your (insert relative here) I'm sure you'd prefer he/she got the very best, look at our line of (Imsert item from shoes to caskets to choice of spot for burial here)" Most people are extremely emotional and are not thinking right. I got a little lucky with Dave and Grandma, I knew what I needed before I needed it.
He he . . . cultivating life in something used for death.hahah it would make a great planter box!!! I can see the gerber daisies growing now....
One thing I've never understood is why my casket should be nicer than my apartment... The cool thing at Costco is that you can look at them close up in a neutral environment when you're not in a state of emotional distress. (What? I'm curious!)Oh, yeah... some of the really nice ones, with large brass fittings and natural silk liners, pillows and covers, excotic woods, can get VERY expensive.
I know how I'd bring it home...and all I'll need is a comforter and some rope! Can you imagine driving down the highway and seeing someone with a casket tied down to their car roof?
It makes me sick to think that any funeral director working today would ever say such a thing. I certainly have NEVER said anything like that, nor has anyone in the 3 funeral homes I have worked for. In fact, I have made it a habit to show people the caskets and after a brief description and after making sure it's ok, I leave. I am afraid to have people even *think* that I am trying to sell them something they don't need. I know there are bad eggs out there, whether it's just one bad director, a shady funeral home or an entire mega-profit driven corporation. If I could, I would smack them all upside the head! In the end, it just makes every single one of us look bad.
In the end, you are right. It helps a lot to know what you are getting into.
One thing I've never understood is why my casket should be nicer than my apartment... The cool thing at Costco is that you can look at them close up in a neutral environment when you're not in a state of emotional distress. (What? I'm curious!)
It's nice to know there are ethical funeral directors out there! My first experiance with a funeral home was just before my beloved Uncle passed away prematurely and my emotions were VERY raw. I'd never had to deal with something like this and at the time we only had one funeral home in town. It was a family owned business and I had a terrible feeling when one of the owners saw me that he's wasn't going to make a dime off my ... "case". Money was very, VERY tight then, he needed special treatment in a larger hospital in Santa Rosa, and the gasoline costs to get him to and from was bad enough, but I was also taking care of his mother at the same time and she came with her own lot of expenses... I was upfront with the gentleman and told him I needed the basic cremation, and I was going to bring his cremains home with me for awhile, and he started in on how much nicer a real urn would look in my home rather than the little brown plastic box they usually used. (Even that was 45.00!) He also mentioned several times I could place him in their mosoleum (sp) until I was prepared to scatter him at a cost... trying to sell me on how nice and peaceful and everything they had made it.
It was just hard to listen to... I devoted three years of my life caring for an Uncle no-one wanted to be concerned with, as well as 7 years caring for his mother... with NO help from other family.
Looking back, I really feel like they'd been borne into the business and had followed the teachings of their father, grandfather and great-grandfather for so long, but they never really had any training on how to deal with people of limited means. A new employee they have now is a friend of my husbands and he's like a breath of fresh air from how I was treated in 1998 and 2004... in fact, you sound a lot like him!
ETA: I do remember the look on the one guy's face was rather disbelieving when I told him I'd have the cash when David did finally pass away... I always paid my bills. He then told me that he "couldn't" give me Dave's remains until I'd paid in full. THAT hurt.
Thank you. I have been doing this for 10 years and while I love my job, I almost wish I never got into it. It was right after high school and I didn't realize what an uphill battle it was. I have made it my mission to be as informative as possible, because I want people to know that we aren't all bad.
What I would really like is for everyone to make pre-arrangements. It solves SO many problems. You can find a funeral home you feel comfortable in (although, ownership can change at any time), you can make your own decisions and you can take time to pay for it. Pre-needs were just trashed in AARP, which really made me mad. That is the best thing for both the consumer and the funeral home and to make me defend that, of all things, argh!!! California is much more strict than other states though, so our pre need plans may be better than others.
I agree, a lot of the older generation of funeral director doesn't know how to adapt. The good thing is, most people won't stand for that and those people will go out of business.
I want to be cremated, but then put into a cute little box and then buried with a nice headstone. High maintenance, aren't I?