What To Do.....???!

Beach Bum

Feb 17, 2006
Ok- I have been in a real funk today...cant eat...cant sleep...and the purses arent helping me feel better!LOL!
I need your opinions.......
I have a strange family situation.....I am the youngest of 7..however my mom has treated me different from day one...never fit in and was treated like so incredibly bad growing up that I can barely talk about it to anyone.I was basically raised by a live-in nanny....and my mom is one of thoses people who always talks down to me and treats my little one like crap.However she LOVES my oldest daughter...from a previous marriage.....who is 16...and treats her like royalty.....making my little one feel horrible.Picture this...when I visit them..they will IGNORE my little one...and totally buy my older one everything...even in front of my daughter(Little one=9 yrs old)...its sad.Because it reminds me of how I felt growing up and being ignored by her.I have tried to talk to her(MY MOM)...its useless..I have cut them out of my life..but its not fair to my 9 year old either.....
So this is the dilemna...My parents are having a HUGE party this weekend..where they live....I would have to book the airfare by midnight tonight..its their Anniversary party.(A big one)I am sick about going because everytime I see my mom she makes me cry...and puts me down...in front of everyone...and I cant stand it when she ignores my 9 year old..It breaks my heart(she (My 9 yr old)is like the greatest kid you will ever meet...SOOO sweet!I couldnt love her anymore and be more proud of her)
It never stops-I stand up to her time after time...she doesnt care ...
Plus its like a big flashback to a really bad time in my life...My siblings are nice enough...but they grew up 10 years ahead of me and I didnt really know them well(like a 2 generation family)They will ALL be at the anniversary party.....do I go? I am sick to my stomach about what to do.....
Did I add to this that only my 16 year old is allowed to stay at my parents house....they live in Hilton Head... My little one and I must stay elsewhere......I try to do the right thing but I am so stressed..is it worth the gray hair to go??
Thanks for listening...I appreciate all your advice!
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Hey Jill I'm sorry about your situation. My husband and his sister have the same situation his parents always treated him like the favorite growing up and now his sister has no relationship with him. Which breaks my heart because I heard she is pregnant now and my husband would give the world to be a part of that kids life.
Anyways re-read your post and look at it from someone elses point of view.
I think that sometimes family hurts more than it heals and no one needs to be a part of that. I think that you should not go and instead use that money and have a mother and daughter weekend with your girls.
It will create a memory that will last forever and be a great time to build both of them up.
Let us know...
I am sorry about the situation.
I say go to the party and bring your daughters, If your mom puts you or your daughter down just tell her she is being un fair.

I now this is not the best advice, So please dont be mad.
Thanks so much..you are so sweet!
I am lucky that I have great kids..I have always put them first...I used what happened to me growing up...as a positive..
....I think I will take your advice and do a girls weekend!
Thanks for listening...it has been really bothering me today and sometimes hubbys dont really understand....
Curtism..I am not mad! too funny! Its just a hard decisiion....I try to put my kids first at all times...and the thought of my mom making my little one feel icky...just kills me...I am very protective of her!
Wow! I'm so sorry to hear about this. Its totally unfair and not at all right of her to treat your youngest daughter differently, or even you when you were growing up. What is her problem?
Its so hard because she's your mom so I'm sure you love her even though she makes you feel horrible. The thing is...your 9 year old is noticing the way she's being treat compared to the way your oldest daughter is. She must know that they favour her for some reason.
If it were me, I would not go through all that trouble. If your mother wants to be a part of your lives then she needs to realize that the way she's acting is unacceptable. And really its not doing anything good for your children's ego's. Your 9 year old is just going to feel bad the entire time, and what if it makes her jealous, or she starts to think something is wrong with her?
I don't know. Why can't all three of you stay at her house by the way? I would certainly not let that happen, you should all stay together.

*big hugs* I hope you figure it out...its a tough one because she is their grandmother after all...
She wants me and my little one to stay in GA with my sister..apparently...and conveniently..she states her house is full...but my older one MUST be with her...dont ask...I have tried to figure this whole thing out my entire life...IT WILL NEVER MAKE SENSE!!!
Thanks for all the advice...its very frustrating...the whole family thing vs. what is the right thing to do...
Yes I say go too. When I endured a bad situation and had cut people out of my life my mother in law asked me (and I know its kind of cliche) if so and so died tonight would you be OK with where you stand with them right now?? So simple but poignant and really affected me. I hope you all can have a nice time this weekend.
Sorry to hear about your problem. If I was in your situation, I wouldn't go. And I wouldn't take my child anywhere where she was intentionally ignored and ostracized - even if it was my mother who was doing it. Your responsibility is to protect your child. Emotional damage is a horrible thing (as it sounds to me like you well know). Don't let it be repeated with your child. Since you have to spend money to stay somewhere else anyway, then as happypug stated, spend it on your girls doing something fun together. Hope it works out for you!
Omg that is so awful! I will never understand people like that :huh: Is your youngest daughter aware of how bad she's being treated? And what about your older daughter, does she ever say anything about it? I can't tell you what to do because I would say don't go if she doesn't treat everyone in your family like equally welcome guests, she doesn't deserve to be around your family - but I don't think dr. phil would agree with that. But if you do go, your family should definately stick together.
update-I decided to stay home....thank you all for your opinions..I valued each and every insight!
Bagloving mom..I put your thought to the test and unfortunately...I could live with not seeing my mom again...Thanks so much for the advice...rough day...and somehow everyone here seems like a really good family!
Maybe you guys can go to dinner and then go and take pics together...
I wish I did more stuff with my mom like but she had to work and did her best (we moved to the U.S. when I was 8).
Her hard work means the world to me but things like that would have been nice :smile:
^^^I understand...I gave up a career to be a stay at home mom...the quality time is everything!I am so lucky to have my hubby...he's a doc and totally supports whatever i do...being at home with my girls is soooo important to me..I cant begin to tell you.