hi ladies I dont post on here much but love reading the forum and i have had some excellent advice of you ladies in the past. I feel at the moment really lost as to what to do with my life. I am 36, married (for nearly two years and have had ups and downs which you guys helped me through) and at the moment I just feel well.. best way to describe it is totally lost! 1. I really hate my job at the moment, there is so much politics going on and I feel my manager really is not somebody to be trusted and is taking advantage of my nature which is to do work as many hours as I can to make sure the job is done, this is making me unhappy and I feel totally unappreciated. Since Christmas i have felt exhaused and was having dizzy spells last week, so I took a few days off work, I let him know I would be back in work tomorrow and that my doctor thinks that I either have a virus or am very stressed out. I havent heard anything back from him. I know I should quit and get a new job but it is easier said than done, and I am on a very good salary which pays our mortgage, i feel a lot trapped!!!!! I can see no way out of this and am scared to cut down on my hours, i manage a big team and think if I things would suffer and I would get the blame. Three people used to do the job i am doing now and I have kept quiet and got on with it for the last two years. 2. I have been contimplating starting a family for so long know but not done anything about it. I keep thinking i am not ready but when is the right time? I wanted to go on a visit to NYC one last time with my husband and then come home and start trying( or maybe even conceive while I am away). Anyway we agreed to this and yesterday given the cost of the hotels in New York being so expensive I dont think we will be realistically afford to go (live in Uk) I told him abut this and he said we should just forget the trip and start to have a baby now. I freaked to be honest and he said he did this to shock me because he is worried i keep putting this off and he is not entirely convinced I really do want one. I had a heart to heart with him last night, and he wants to have a baby, agrees it will totally change our lives (but for the better) and doesnt want to put pressure on me to make a decision but wants to start making plans at least. I dont know what is stopping me wanting to get pregnant, i love children, i love looking after my nieces and nephews and I think i would make a good mum but why am i so scared about taking th e plunge?? Part of me feels like i would not be able to do the things i do know like buy nice make up and go the gym and have independance, but surely these are just material things and shouldnt matter?? 3. I just feel like i dont fit in anywhere at the moment, with everything going on in work, feeling stressed and tired and unsure how I feel about anything, I am shutting myself away from the world and just pondering and worrying about everything. I cant talk to any of my friends at the moment about this they are all too involved in their own lives. My mum died a few years ago (i miss her dearly and still grieve for her today) and my sister is only 20 and too young to understand how I feel. Just what is going on with me at the moment???? am i having some sort of thirty something crisis???