What to do when friend is revealed as racist?

N

naughtymanolo

FYI I am a guy
O.G.
Apr 20, 2006
3,044
10
#1
I trying to make this as anonymous as possible. Ok so when i work I am a junior and I'm very friendly with everyone we always go out outside work and have fun, everything is pretty rosey. So anyway tonight I went out with a very close friend of mine (outside work) as we were walking down to our restaurant we heard someone shouting. As the voyeurs we are we turned around to see what the fuss was over. We turn to see an Asian cab driver waving a long pole and someone i recognize from work. the person i recognized then screamed "F*ck you! You f*cking cab drivers, Your lucky to be in this f*cking country, F*ckign Asians" I was so shocked and appalled that someone to my senior (age and position) would say such a thing. I turned my head and hoped that they didn't see me I'm about 60% sure they did though.

I highly respected this person and now i don't know what to think of them. The irony behind this is that the person themselves is an immigrant, i mean if it was ignorant person but they themselves are so hypocritical!!!! My friend suggested i confront them and later tell someone above me what i witnessed and how it reflects upon the company. I really don't know what to do I don't think i can look this person in the eye ever again and ever be able to give them any respect. there is no excuse for this despite whatever the cab driver did?!
 
#3
naughtymanolo said:
I trying to make this as anonymous as possible. Ok so when i work I am a junior and I'm very friendly with everyone we always go out outside work and have fun, everything is pretty rosey. So anyway tonight I went out with a very close friend of mine (outside work) as we were walking down to our restaurant we heard someone shouting. As the voyeurs we are we turned around to see what the fuss was over. We turn to see an Asian cab driver waving a long pole and someone i recognize from work. the person i recognized then screamed "F*ck you! You f*cking cab drivers, Your lucky to be in this f*cking country, F*ckign Asians" I was so shocked and appalled that someone to my senior (age and position) would say such a thing. I turned my head and hoped that they didn't see me I'm about 60% sure they did though.

I highly respected this person and now i don't know what to think of them. The irony behind this is that the person themselves is an immigrant, i mean if it was ignorant person but they themselves are so hypocritical!!!! My friend suggested i confront them and later tell someone above me what i witnessed and how it reflects upon the company. I really don't know what to do I don't think i can look this person in the eye ever again and ever be able to give them any respect. there is no excuse for this despite whatever the cab driver did?!
Click to expand...

That dude doesn't sound as much racist as he does crazy and weird--and perhaps xenophobic. Where are the men in the white coats? I'd stay away from him after hours, and I'd barely give him the time of day at work if I didn't absolutely have to. He doesn't seem as if he can be trusted!
 
#4
I would not confront them about this. You were only 60% sure of what happened of this situation, and the worst thing that you can do is to assume things. If you feel uncomfortable with this person now, just stick to having a stricktly professional relationship with them - nothing else.
 
#5
I already have something planned this weekend with them, i can't just un-invite them (it is a public thing, with lots of people) i need to sleep on this. I don't think i can ever look at this person in the eye ever again! Especially when they have taught me so much and have believed in me.

^ i am 60% sure the person saw me not of the situation, I am sure of what i saw but i dont know the full story (not that i care to.) But i can honestly imagine anything that warrants that behavior esp. in public.

btw who said that it was a guy?
 
#6
Agreed with lamiastella. Plus the situation you saw was totally outside work. How would you feel if someone saw you do something similar outside work (not saying you're racist) and then involved your boss in it, etc.? Sounds a bit like the traditional days where the wife would go run and complain to her husband's boss and make a scene crying at work if her husband cheated :P

Personally i would just avoid him. Or talk to him personally if it ever came up.
 
#7
Maybe the cabbie tried to steal his money or screw him over somehow. things got heated and he said something purposely that would offend the cabbie. That doesn't mean he's racist, just that he doesn't make the best decisions when upset. Bottomline...you don't know the whole story, so don't make erroneous assumptions.
 
#8
I'm not making assumptions on what the situation was exactly but regardless i think it is uncalled for an any level. I would be very pleased to hear if it was a similar situation that would make it more understandable, though not forgivable.
 
#9
Charles said:
Maybe the cabbie tried to steal his money or screw him over somehow. things got heated and he said something purposely that would offend the cabbie. That doesn't mean he's racist, just that he doesn't make the best decisions when upset. Bottomline...you don't know the whole story, so don't make erroneous assumptions.
Click to expand...

:yes::yes::yes::yes:
 
#10
naughtymanolo said:
I'm not making assumptions on what the situation was exactly but regardless i think it is uncalled for an any level. I would be very pleased to hear if it was a similar situation that would make it more understandable, though not forgivable.
Click to expand...

So you've never said something in the heat of the moment that wasn't really indicative of your true self? You have very high standards for people, I certainly hope you can live up to them as well.
 
#11
I think I can understand what rubs you the wrong way about the comment that was made. Often times when people say things like this it is the result of their true feelings. If it really bothers you just keep the relationship professional.
 
#12
I would confront the person about it if I knew they saw. But if not, I would try to avoid them as much as possible, but if needed, still work with them ONLY while at work. If they give off vibes that they know you saw, I would confront them. Tell them straight up what you saw, say listen, we both know what I saw...can you please explain because I think it is better to get everything out instead of bottling it in and perhaps misinterpreting things that happened.
 
#13
A racist comment is a racist comment, regardless of whether that person was mad, or if it was said in the heat of the moment! It is inexcusable. I can understand you feeling uncomfortable, I think it's best to avoid the person/subject for now and if there are any other instances where this kind of behaviour happens again, I would talk to someone at work, who may be able to give you advice....I would like to think your company would NOT tolerate this kind of person working for them, so I'm sure they would appreciate your honesty if he does anything like this again. Good luck:yes:
 
#14
Personally, I don't think you should do anything. Saying 'it's really none of your business' sounds so rude...and I do NOT mean it in a rude way. I think that if you have to work w/him, and you've never witnessed this behavior before, you just carry on and be the best example of treating people kindly that you can be. That would speak more to him than any words you pass on to him.
 
#15
If I were to condemn every person who made a racist comment, I would have condemned a sizable portion of the state of South Carolina by now

It's such a touchy subject, but the reality is that there are a lot of people who can have a racist tendency from one time to another but that doesn't necessarily make them bad people. You said the person has taught you a lot and believed in you. If it bothers you that the person made a remark like that, you certainly don't have to remain friends with them, pure and simple. But I don't think you'd like it if someone tried to run to your boss if he/she found you doing something he/she personally found offensive.
 
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